Class of August 2020 Part 1
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 146
Day 17. Feeling pretty good about myself and the steps I have taken in a new direction. I really hope I get into grad school. Not because I think it will be some great fix, but I have wanted to do it for ages and just couldn't get my **** together, low self-esteem, all that. I'm worried about my marriage, which by all accounts is good. It's the healthiest relationship I have ever been in and I find it so boring. I was raised in chaos and got really used to it in my addiction. Worried I won't ever be peaceful with peace. It's probably normal to overthink in recovery. I know I did during my last sober jag.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,480
I think you are going to get into grad school and you will star dear kittie. 
And boy do I hear you about being raised in drama and chaos.....lots of folks here try to look at why they drank, or why they kept drinking.
For me, the chaos and pain were almost comforting. I knew how to do that.
Now I have a lovely husband who is calm and patient and there is no chaos (unless I create it, which I have greatly improved....still pretty new at this marriage thing) and every day I wait for the other shoe to drop. Well, not quite but almost if you know what I mean.
s ❤️
And boy do I hear you about being raised in drama and chaos.....lots of folks here try to look at why they drank, or why they kept drinking.
For me, the chaos and pain were almost comforting. I knew how to do that.
Now I have a lovely husband who is calm and patient and there is no chaos (unless I create it, which I have greatly improved....still pretty new at this marriage thing) and every day I wait for the other shoe to drop. Well, not quite but almost if you know what I mean.
s ❤️
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: here & there
Posts: 268
Morning......kicking off into a second day here.
Virtually no sleep last night....sweaty, dark thoughts, cant get comfortable.....eventually kind of doze off a bit before dawn then wake again.
Brain synapses must be snapping off in every direction, making sleep impossible. 2 a.m. I try reading for a while....
Just have to get through these 4 days, its like trudging across a very dry deserted plain. In the past I have gotten to the third day and decided enough is enough...."I'll have to taper...."
Yeah, sure.
Through all this I have a lot of work on....so have to push on through that.
But I work from home all the time, so don't have to face a workplace.....just desks and screens.
so.....plenty of murine in the dry itching eyes make some coffee and get into it.
Maybe see you all at the other end of the day.
Later
Virtually no sleep last night....sweaty, dark thoughts, cant get comfortable.....eventually kind of doze off a bit before dawn then wake again.
Brain synapses must be snapping off in every direction, making sleep impossible. 2 a.m. I try reading for a while....
Just have to get through these 4 days, its like trudging across a very dry deserted plain. In the past I have gotten to the third day and decided enough is enough...."I'll have to taper...."
Yeah, sure.
Through all this I have a lot of work on....so have to push on through that.
But I work from home all the time, so don't have to face a workplace.....just desks and screens.
so.....plenty of murine in the dry itching eyes make some coffee and get into it.
Maybe see you all at the other end of the day.
Later
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: here & there
Posts: 268
Oh, I've learned that it will get better if you can just stay with it for the first few days.
That first morning you wake having really slept is very worth it.
Alcohol so affects my overall mood, pushing it down so far that you drink more of it to just get some temporary respite. But its a mad spiral.
Plenty of soda water (for US ppl, here soda water is carbonated plain water......not carbonated soft drinks, ).
Ok...let's all have a better day....
That first morning you wake having really slept is very worth it.
Alcohol so affects my overall mood, pushing it down so far that you drink more of it to just get some temporary respite. But its a mad spiral.
Plenty of soda water (for US ppl, here soda water is carbonated plain water......not carbonated soft drinks, ).
Ok...let's all have a better day....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 102
Hi All, 24 days sober today for me. Still very tired but maybe I am just tired and it isn't related to quitting drinking who knows?
I am continuing with my meetings and sobriety podcasts. Unlike a lot of people in this class I hate running with a passion, but I did want to start exercising more regularly (might help with the constant tiredness?) so I have started with a student personal trainer through my work. It is hard but it keeps me accountable and I am hoping I make some progress towards being healthier in general.
To everyone in the first few days keep going it will get so much better!
I am continuing with my meetings and sobriety podcasts. Unlike a lot of people in this class I hate running with a passion, but I did want to start exercising more regularly (might help with the constant tiredness?) so I have started with a student personal trainer through my work. It is hard but it keeps me accountable and I am hoping I make some progress towards being healthier in general.
To everyone in the first few days keep going it will get so much better!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
My last 3 posts haven't gone through because my wifi has been spotty. It was a neighborhood issue with a bunch of buildings involved Hopefully, this one goes through.
I turned 44 today. Can't believe that I am just so lost at this age. I have nothing to celebrate besides just being alive I guess. I know I am not the only person struggling with things. I guess for me it's hard because I am going through it completely alone. Probably going through depression. I will make it through this pandemic however. I also wonder if my Coronavirus experience in May is a factor. Sense of smell is certainly not like it used to be
I turned 44 today. Can't believe that I am just so lost at this age. I have nothing to celebrate besides just being alive I guess. I know I am not the only person struggling with things. I guess for me it's hard because I am going through it completely alone. Probably going through depression. I will make it through this pandemic however. I also wonder if my Coronavirus experience in May is a factor. Sense of smell is certainly not like it used to be
Member
Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: Flyover country, USA
Posts: 23
Hi WL, I was wondering about you. Hopefully the wifi issue is resolved now. First off, Happy Birthday. I'll celebrate your 44 years, and your contributions on SR. You seem like a very kind and thoughtful person. I'm 55 now, and wish that I would have really committed to changing course 11 years ago. I just kept doing the same thing over and over, in slightly different ways, thinking that things would turn out differently the next time. Can I say with absolute certainty that I have this figured out now. No. I know that I hate the person that I am when I'm fully engaged in the drinking lifestyle. Can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. When I'm not drinking, when I'm taking care of myself physically and getting rest, my outlook is 100% different. I actually like the person that I am when I'm not drinking. The challenge has always been maintaining that lifestyle of self care, and giving myself permission to be happy when things aren't going so well.
I just want you to know that I'm rooting for you and hope that you can find a few things in your life that make you happy, focus on those things, and just keep moving forward.
I just want you to know that I'm rooting for you and hope that you can find a few things in your life that make you happy, focus on those things, and just keep moving forward.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: Warrington UK
Posts: 121
Hey all just popping in from class of July I see a few names I recognise (sodasoba... hills) and I just wanted to offer you all some support....keep going and take care in these early days.......I am feeling a lot better only on day 30
Stay sober and safe everyone xx
Stay sober and safe everyone xx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,928
Hi WastingLife. Wish I had done at 44 what you are doing. I'm 73+ and just doing it now.
Good virtual meeting yesterday. Started a Cost Benefit Analysis (CBA) to evaluate keeping the house & property or moving. I'll keep working on that tool till next monday and review it at the next virtual meeting.
My daughter and her boyfriend are coming over for dinner (outside and generously spaced) today. It will be so good to see her. I have to really be careful not to even hint at what's going on between Mrs & I. She had warned me that Mrs was trying to turn her & my son against me. I don't want to even say "you were right". First I want to meet with Mirko and have it out. After that I will just say "irreconcilable differences" and leave it at that. I will take the high road.
Looking forward to meeting with Mirko tomorrow afternoon. I so want to get this out and over with. Then thursday @ 6 pm another virtual meeting. And of course posting in these forums and the SMART forums. And soon Ruthie will be there to rescue me. At the virtual meeting last night we decided that she's not a rescue dog - I'm a rescue human. Her rescue human.
Good virtual meeting yesterday. Started a Cost Benefit Analysis (CBA) to evaluate keeping the house & property or moving. I'll keep working on that tool till next monday and review it at the next virtual meeting.
My daughter and her boyfriend are coming over for dinner (outside and generously spaced) today. It will be so good to see her. I have to really be careful not to even hint at what's going on between Mrs & I. She had warned me that Mrs was trying to turn her & my son against me. I don't want to even say "you were right". First I want to meet with Mirko and have it out. After that I will just say "irreconcilable differences" and leave it at that. I will take the high road.
Looking forward to meeting with Mirko tomorrow afternoon. I so want to get this out and over with. Then thursday @ 6 pm another virtual meeting. And of course posting in these forums and the SMART forums. And soon Ruthie will be there to rescue me. At the virtual meeting last night we decided that she's not a rescue dog - I'm a rescue human. Her rescue human.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,480
Good on you dear Charon. Really. Super impressed.
Taking the high road is definitely the way to go.
All we can control is ourselves.
But it sure feels good to do the right thing....act as our consciences and hearts dictate. s ❤️
Taking the high road is definitely the way to go.
All we can control is ourselves.
But it sure feels good to do the right thing....act as our consciences and hearts dictate.
s ❤️
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,197
Afternoon all....maybe more like evening now.....
Day eight for me and it was a busy one. Had some drinking thoughts sneak through but managed to get past them without too much trouble. Still annoying to have to deal with them at all
I totally understand what it is to be raised in chaos Kittie. It's getting better though for me with therapy and some sobriety. I'll be sending positive vibes about grad school
Soda - great job on closing out day 2 - hoping you're sleeping soundly right now
24 days is awesome Hills!!
WL - happy birthday!! Depression is a tough one - maybe talk to your doctor if it doesn't dissipate soon? I see you're in Toronto - we're practically neighbors - I'm in Waterloo.
I wish you the best of luck tomorrow Charon. I'm a rescue human too - my rescuer is named Charlie
Another meeting for me tonight - not sure how I'm feeling about them yet but determined to give it a shot.
Have a great night!
Day eight for me and it was a busy one. Had some drinking thoughts sneak through but managed to get past them without too much trouble. Still annoying to have to deal with them at all
I totally understand what it is to be raised in chaos Kittie. It's getting better though for me with therapy and some sobriety. I'll be sending positive vibes about grad school
Soda - great job on closing out day 2 - hoping you're sleeping soundly right now
24 days is awesome Hills!!
WL - happy birthday!! Depression is a tough one - maybe talk to your doctor if it doesn't dissipate soon? I see you're in Toronto - we're practically neighbors - I'm in Waterloo.
I wish you the best of luck tomorrow Charon. I'm a rescue human too - my rescuer is named Charlie
Another meeting for me tonight - not sure how I'm feeling about them yet but determined to give it a shot.
Have a great night!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: here & there
Posts: 268
.....Bit quiet around here today.
Hope the B'day was good WW.
Finishing out day 3 here.....sleep patchy and still get the sweats....but feel like the brain fog is starting to lift. Sat here working
without the constant yawning tiredness and itching eyes. Got some things done....
Have a good day all....
Later
Hope the B'day was good WW.
Finishing out day 3 here.....sleep patchy and still get the sweats....but feel like the brain fog is starting to lift. Sat here working
without the constant yawning tiredness and itching eyes. Got some things done....
Have a good day all....
Later
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