LumenandNyx

Anyone struggle with a lack of motivation? Ever put stuff off or delay doing something simply because - you don't want to do it?

Someone's' post brought this to my attention and it's really got me thinking about how easy it is - when I don't feel motivated to do something - to talk myself out of it. Whatever it is. Going to the gym. The store. Stopping drinking. Taking the kids to the park. Making dinner. Doing laundry. Cleaning the cat box. Picking up the lint I'm looking at on the chair next to me. Ad infinitum.

And putting whatever IT is off and procrastinating only makes doing it more annoying because the idea that it needs to be done lingers in the back of my head. And it's persistent. Can anyone relate?

What is it about not having any motivation that makes tackling the situation so freakin' monumental? Whatever IT is certainly doesn't become less necessary or valuable just because we don't want to do it. And it might even become more valuable and necessary because we don't want to do it.

Oh, the agony of just thinking about it.

Feeling motivated seems to be the go to feeling for some of us when it seems that - instead - without motivation - that's the BEST time to tackle whatever it is. Because the reward is soooo much sweeter. I can then say, "YEAH. I did it. I REALLY didn't want to do it. I had NO motivation, but I did it anyway." And then I can feel proud.

Is pride the feeling that comes after doing something I don't want to do but do anyway? Is it relief? Both?

Hm ...

Aellyce

I very much relate. I think we tend to approach motivation in that (often not so efficient) manner because very powerful parts of the brain work this way, especially in addicts where those parts become stronger and voluntary, more considered, more mature type executive control gets weaker. But it's not very effective when it comes to more complex decisions, including doing small and simple things that are not necessarily pleasurable but are necessary to move forward with a better, more satisfying life.

For me pride and relief are parts of tackling things I may not want to in the moment, but perhaps more than anything, a sense of productivity, progress and improvement. The latter are very high up in my personal value system (the one that existed before alcoholism and came back strongly after getting sober), so it is naturally rewarding and motivating to work towards them. Addictive "motives" go in a very different direction and can create strong dissonance often even if the activity (e.g. drinking) happens to be pleasurable in the moment, as soon as the immediate effects wear off. That sort of dissonance (which is not a pleasant feeling) can also be a powerful source of motivation, I've found... it helped me immensely to get and stay sober in the beginning as well.

The mistake is definitely waiting for the kiss of a muse before starting to do something constructive and necessary. But it's not always easy to acquire the kind of disciple to overcome that, especially when it wasn't ingrained in someone early in life. A new sober life definitely involves learning new methods of motivation and it's easier for some than for others. For me, practice has helped a lot - going against my internal current again and again. After a while, the memory of how satisfying the result (or even just the process) can become a pretty strong motivation as well, but it is more cognitive than emotional.

nez

Whenever I am lacking in motivation to do something, it is usually my two year old child side wanting the world to come to me. When has letting my two year old child run the show served me well? That only works well at play time. Most of the time I seem to live in my teenager side and when confronted with a situation that requires motivation, my teenager side wants to procrastinate or rebel against authority, which usually results in a return to two year old status. Before that happens, my adult side needs to step up to the plate and make the call. My adult side knows what is best. He just needs to be strong and not let the tail wag the dog.