How to select engagements that serve us well
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How to select engagements that serve us well
I've just come across this article and thought it might be relevant to recovery, where a very important element is developing new habits that serve us constructively and cultivate a balanced way of life. Also useful for avoiding "replacement addictions". I am generally quite a fan of Stoic philosophy, in part because a lot of it is naturally compatible with my personality and world views. I think the Stoics took some of it too far though at times into indifference, which it not a good thing IMO (especially for a recovering addict who will not benefit from extensive deprivation), but these skills can be very useful and can be applied to pretty much anything: addictive urges, obsessions, interests, activities, relationships, even what sorts of self-care methods we use.
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That is a good read. Thanks for sharing it.
I have to admit that I didn't realize there was a word or two for the method, but that article pretty succinctly sums up how I live. I do the things that propel me toward my goals. And I clean up and do the laundry now and again. Sometimes I eat and love assertively. Everything else I let go of.
Thanks again.
I have to admit that I didn't realize there was a word or two for the method, but that article pretty succinctly sums up how I live. I do the things that propel me toward my goals. And I clean up and do the laundry now and again. Sometimes I eat and love assertively. Everything else I let go of.
Thanks again.
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Yeah, the replacement addictions. In my real life support group, a member got sober years ago and became an avid/addicted runner. She didn't really have any interest in doing anything else. Ran Boston, NYC and London marathons. Then she got injured. Not surprising what happened next. She picked up the bottle and drank 10 more years.
Balance in all things.
Balance in all things.
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I think we all have tendencies for seeking distractions, easy stimulation, instant gratification etc - why it is so important to observe and question the patterns IMO, become familiar and honest with acknowledging them. Denial is easy. These days (having been sober for a few years) I personally benefit from the approach the most regarding procrastination and the temptations to seek empty mental stimulation (of any kind) instead of developing and completing things that are much more valuable for me... but take more effort to accomplish.
I would say it does require having a purpose (or a few) though, to actually have defined goals, however small. Otherwise there is no context and a basis for selecting the thoughts, motives and actions and ask "what is useful". So it is important to indeed develop considered goals in recovery (or life in general, I would say) beyond the "no drinking/drugging" commitment as well. Then the challenge is not to get excessive again - well said about the athlete who takes it too far, as an example. I'd been there myself with recovery methods in the past, and it wasn't so easy to recognize. I don't think anything is healthy in excess, when they distract significantly from what we truly want/need, to be fulfilled.
I would say it does require having a purpose (or a few) though, to actually have defined goals, however small. Otherwise there is no context and a basis for selecting the thoughts, motives and actions and ask "what is useful". So it is important to indeed develop considered goals in recovery (or life in general, I would say) beyond the "no drinking/drugging" commitment as well. Then the challenge is not to get excessive again - well said about the athlete who takes it too far, as an example. I'd been there myself with recovery methods in the past, and it wasn't so easy to recognize. I don't think anything is healthy in excess, when they distract significantly from what we truly want/need, to be fulfilled.
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Originally Posted by Aellyce2 
I think we all have tendencies for seeking distractions, easy stimulation, instant gratification etc - why it is so important to observe and question the patterns IMO, become familiar and honest with acknowledging them. Denial is easy. These days (having been sober for a few years) I personally benefit from the approach the most regarding procrastination and the temptations to seek empty mental stimulation (of any kind) instead of developing and completing things that are much more valuable for me... but take more effort to accomplish.
I would say it does require having a purpose (or a few) though, to actually have defined goals, however small. Otherwise there is no context and a basis for selecting the thoughts, motives and actions and ask "what is useful". So it is important to indeed develop considered goals in recovery (or life in general, I would say) beyond the "no drinking/drugging" commitment as well. Then the challenge is not to get excessive again - well said about the athlete who takes it too far, as an example. I'd been there myself with recovery methods in the past, and it wasn't so easy to recognize. I don't think anything is healthy in excess, when they distract significantly from what we truly want/need, to be fulfilled.
I would say it does require having a purpose (or a few) though, to actually have defined goals, however small. Otherwise there is no context and a basis for selecting the thoughts, motives and actions and ask "what is useful". So it is important to indeed develop considered goals in recovery (or life in general, I would say) beyond the "no drinking/drugging" commitment as well. Then the challenge is not to get excessive again - well said about the athlete who takes it too far, as an example. I'd been there myself with recovery methods in the past, and it wasn't so easy to recognize. I don't think anything is healthy in excess, when they distract significantly from what we truly want/need, to be fulfilled.
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Originally Posted by stickyone
Just a question. I'm new to recovery 78 days clean today. I've been on a pretty consistent schedule with my recovery. I've been doing alot of meditation, reading exercising anything I can to improve my self care in recovery. Even through my addiction I was a very active person. I love to exercise , when I do everything goes away. But over the last week things have gotten alot more busy. I've been keeping up with my daily practicing. But when I can't get on schedule I'm so fustrated and mad at everything. I try to remain calm but I feel like all is against me. Am I doing to much? Only I can say I guess. Or is it because I'm so early in recovery I have to push through
Maybe try to make a written list of goals you want to work on, both short- and longer-term. Then evaluate your activities in that context, ask whether they support/forward those goals. You could do this every morning or night, for example. I think it is also important to incorporate fun things (just for the sake of fun) into all that and it's perfectly possible to schedule those. But when you start feeling overwhelmed and like things turn into a chaos, that's when it's a good time to ask these questions about usefulness, IMO. Yes, some people get very uneasy when things fall out of routine - I am not like that but have met many, especially in my professional life. Maybe learning then to become a bit more flexible can be a useful form of habit change as well, but it'll inevitably come with some discomfort initially. I would say try to judge the cost and benefit of such a change - early in recovery, if anything threatens your sobriety, I think it's a no-no.
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Hi stickyone. I think us addicts are prone to being hard on ourselves, are prone to disappointment, and are prone to pitching the baby out with the bathwater when things get tough. So many times I think we drink in your situation rather than stepping back, thinking for a few minutes, and concluding that we can do the downward dog and flying lizard yoga movements another day. We get shaken off of our new routines and we make WAY WAY too big of a deal of that. Just my humble opinion. I think you are on the right track recognizing your frustration and anger, and I think your are right to look at what is actually happening, or not happening, with your schedule and activities. Are those things really worth our health and drinking again? I think not.
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Originally Posted by Aellyce2
Yes, you need to judge this for yourself. I think getting very busy in early recovery can be good for a while, even just to distract from the addictive urges - given the activities are not unhealthy ones. But sometimes compulsive activity is yet another escape, if the actual activities are too scattered and you cannot link them to anything else except momentary stimulation/enjoyment/attention seeking etc - I think it's easy to see how they are similar to the main addiction then.
Maybe try to make a written list of goals you want to work on, both short- and longer-term. Then evaluate your activities in that context, ask whether they support/forward those goals. You could do this every morning or night, for example. I think it is also important to incorporate fun things (just for the sake of fun) into all that and it's perfectly possible to schedule those. But when you start feeling overwhelmed and like things turn into a chaos, that's when it's a good time to ask these questions about usefulness, IMO. Yes, some people get very uneasy when things fall out of routine - I am not like that but have met many, especially in my professional life. Maybe learning then to become a bit more flexible can be a useful form of habit change as well, but it'll inevitably come with some discomfort initially. I would say try to judge the cost and benefit of such a change - early in recovery, if anything threatens your sobriety, I think it's a no-no.
Maybe try to make a written list of goals you want to work on, both short- and longer-term. Then evaluate your activities in that context, ask whether they support/forward those goals. You could do this every morning or night, for example. I think it is also important to incorporate fun things (just for the sake of fun) into all that and it's perfectly possible to schedule those. But when you start feeling overwhelmed and like things turn into a chaos, that's when it's a good time to ask these questions about usefulness, IMO. Yes, some people get very uneasy when things fall out of routine - I am not like that but have met many, especially in my professional life. Maybe learning then to become a bit more flexible can be a useful form of habit change as well, but it'll inevitably come with some discomfort initially. I would say try to judge the cost and benefit of such a change - early in recovery, if anything threatens your sobriety, I think it's a no-no.
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Aellyce put the the link in the text.
link is:
https://forge.medium.com/the-stoic-w...y-91b5439019d7
link is:
https://forge.medium.com/the-stoic-w...y-91b5439019d7
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