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I must do this....Today.

Old 07-31-2020, 05:18 AM
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I must do this....Today.

I’ve wanted to post a thread every morning for the last few days, but my AV quickly chirps up and I begin planning the last day of drinking instead. So....

Today has to be the day sobriety begins again for me. I’ve been here so many times before, have even reached out on this section for help getting back to day 1’s. It has worked, but I always seem to go back to the wine.

I’m a stay at home mom in her 40’s who used to drink a couple of glasses a wine every night for “me” time. Fast forward several years; I’m up to drinking 2 of those little four packs of wine a day, AND I’ve started around noon to numb away the lazy days of summer. That’s 2 bottles of wine every day.

The results: My spiritual life has suffered greatly, I have gained weight, have no energy to run (was up to 6 mile runs), feel so sick (my organs are crying out), my feet and hands are swollen and joints generally ache. This is progressively killing me and I need to stop once and for all. One day at a time is what I’ve been told, but my mind needs to know it is for good otherwise the AV always seems to win in the end.

May this be the day I get my life back and return to peace and health. (And wouldn’t you know, even as I get ready to hit Submit, my addict within is asking for another day. Hitting submit and going to put that bugger to death.)

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Old 07-31-2020, 05:22 AM
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Congrats on staking a claim to day 1 Jewel
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Old 07-31-2020, 05:35 AM
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you can do this jewel.... I'm a stay at home mother too, people think its easy, but its actually pretty isolating being at home all day, I'm just on day 12 and already feeling a lot more peaceful and looking forward to things. Stay sober today :-) xx
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Old 07-31-2020, 05:39 AM
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Jewel and GT 87,

For me, it took a really strong decision to never drink again and (even harder) to never quit the decision.

None of this is easy for anyone, and being at home all day makes it a bigger challenge for many.

But you got this, for you, for those kids. We only get one ride on this rodeo gals, saddle up.

X
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Old 07-31-2020, 06:06 AM
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Anyone who has ever opined that being a stay at home Mom is easy has never been a stay at home Mom.

Anyway, Jewel a sober life is so much more calm, quiet, healthy and peaceful. So many more hours in the day to fill any way you like. Nothing at all to plan. Planning to drink, be drunk, pass out, and then be hung over took exhaustive planning on my part. I had to factor that into everything I thought about doing, and like us alcoholics are want to be, I wasn't very good at any of that.

Today is a great day for your Day 1 and you can leave all of those awful consequences of drinking behind for good.
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Old 07-31-2020, 06:20 AM
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Thanks. I’m really going to have to go hour by hour here. Thankfully, my kids have friends coming over and I will drive them home this afternoon, so no risk of drinking there. It will be the 3-5 time slot that will be trying. I will stay close here.

Thanks for being there. It means a lot.
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Old 07-31-2020, 06:27 AM
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That abject misery is something you will not miss, Jewel.

Congrats on taking back your one precious life.
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Old 07-31-2020, 06:35 AM
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Single mom here. Sobriety is oh-so worth it.

Key for me early on was changing my routine. I started shopping for the week to avoid picking up my bottle(s) each day. I pre-planned and pre-made meals to avoid cooking/drinking. Walking in the evening when I would have been drunk on the couch. I got back into yoga (I liked sarahbethyoga on youtube when I was starting out). I had tons of fruit cold and ready when I felt an urge to drink.

I’ve lost that flushed, red face, lost weight, got in shape, and feel better than I have in years. And most important...I was fully present for DS as he grew into young adulthood.

It’s tough, but so is anything worth having. Best wishes!
-bora

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Old 07-31-2020, 06:54 AM
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Jewel, so good to see you here and beginning your sober life today. You know I've been right where you are too many times.
Next week I will have four months sober! But, it started with that first day. I don't think I really believed it would stick until I had about a week. It's scary and hard because your AV is going to have lots of great excuses and reasons why today doesn't have to be day one. I think it helps to refuse to listen to it at all. The first sign of a whisper and you just shove the thought away. Yell at it if it helps. Or cry, or both.
There is nothing better than sober life. You are on the cusp of a wonderful experience. It gets so, so much easier. Get a good plan. Think of all the things that help and do them all every day. Become your own best friend, mom and counselor. Be really good to you.
Lots of love and prayers for your journey!
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Old 07-31-2020, 07:10 AM
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Yeah really shake it up today Jewel. I don't know how old your kids are but can you go on a walk from 3-5 today? I walked miles and miles in early sobriety. Still do. You fall into a cadence and get into the zone and leave the world behind for an hour or two. But regardless, do something different during that dirty little happy hour that our nag-headed heads seem to seize upon. Keep busy. Write down an agenda for every minute and stick to it today. Your agenda items do not have to be superhuman either. They can simply anything. But script each minute. I think that can help.

Do you have any support for your new endeavor? SR is a great great place to get lots of support but some real life support really helps too. Only another addict can possibly know what you are going through.
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Old 07-31-2020, 07:27 AM
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Good for you. Take your life back, you can do this. I'm also in my 40s and will be hitting the 7 month mark on August 2. The longest before this was 53 days years ago.

The most important thing for me was (is) staying connected with the way I was feeling on day 1...thanks to SR.

When you were about to hit the "reply" button the AV acted up, but you immediately switched your thoughts back to hitting the button...and you did. That is how it's done...every minute of every day. Stay active in your sobriety.

Now my daily push to stay sober is turning into daily gratitude.

Do it!
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Old 07-31-2020, 07:36 AM
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I drank mostly wine also. There's a ton of sugar in wine so I consumed sugar during my "drinking time" in the form of juices and dark chocolate. It really helped and I'm still down 10 lbs. It's only now after 6 months that I'm backing off the sugar and getting into exercise. I just wanted to add that because I think sugar withdrawal is real.
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Old 07-31-2020, 07:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Jewel72 View Post
One day at a time is what I’ve been told, but my mind needs to know it is for good otherwise the AV always seems to win in the end. May this be the day I get my life back and return to peace and health. (And wouldn’t you know, even as I get ready to hit Submit, my addict within is asking for another day. Hitting submit and going to put that bugger to death.)
Welcome, Jewel. What you've written above is precious. You have the inherent knowledge to defeat the AV. SR is teeming with people who have. Today can mark not just a new chapter, but a new book in your life. A Sobriety Book written by the non-drinking you. It seems your Inner Addict has been running the show for far too long, a lesser life. Claim your life back, Jewel, as a non-drinker, it's within your reach.
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Old 07-31-2020, 08:31 AM
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Hi Jewel! I'm glad that you're seeking sobriety. Congratulations on ending the reign of terror of the bottle!

SoberRecovery works if you work it. Here are some good threads to join. Read around and post often!

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7486286 (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 494)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7486314

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...st-2020-a.html (Take a Break this weekend - Weekenders 31 July - 03 August 2020)
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Old 07-31-2020, 08:43 AM
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my addict within is asking for another day
Another day for what? Another day of...
My spiritual life has suffered greatly, I have gained weight, have no energy to run (was up to 6 mile runs), feel so sick (my organs are crying out), my feet and hands are swollen and joints generally ache. This is progressively killing me
The addict within doesn't have your best interest at heart. Your soul does. It had you reach out to others who have been where you are. Together we can do this. There is strength in numbers. I am glad you are here and am looking forward to hearing more of your journey going forward.

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Old 07-31-2020, 09:22 AM
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"One day at a time is what I’ve been told, but my mind needs to know it is for good"
hi Jewel,
yes, my mind needed and needs to know it's for good, too. i knew i could never do this if i didn't want it for good, for forever.
the implementation of the for-good is one day at a time, of course
you can do this!
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Old 07-31-2020, 09:37 AM
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I am a stay-at-home single dude in my 40's. The alcohol is what keeps me home. And single. I can't keep a job or a girlfriend because the alcohol always wins out. I have had many, many day 1's. The worst 24 hour period for alcoholics anywhere. Binge-watching a show is my go to option to get to day 2.
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Old 07-31-2020, 09:39 AM
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Thank you. All the wonderful posts/support move me. It’s 11:30 AM and I’m entertaining some kids so keeping busy. I am sweating a bit though and feeling edgy. First time I think I’ve ever felt actual withdrawal symptoms. Poor body.

I do belong to a support group which meets one a week. It’s been over Zoom only and that has not been good for me. I look forward when we can meet face to face again.

I’ll check in later.
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Old 07-31-2020, 10:24 AM
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Jewel, my local AA group is kind of reclusive and does not want me to invite people to our meetings. But here is just one group out of thousands which has a schedule of Zoom meetings (in the Pacific Time Zone, so the noon meetings are about an hour and a half from now:

https://eastsideaa.org/meetings/?tsml-type=ONL
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Old 07-31-2020, 11:45 AM
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Jewel - Be proud of yourself for making this life changing decision. I'm sorry to say I didn't do it until I was much older - and the damage it caused was horrible. This won't happen to you - you are getting free of it & will have a sober life, lived with eyes wide open. You'll take care of problems as they pop up & not try to hide from them by getting numb. We are with you on this journey! So glad you are here.
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