Hawkeye13

Great job Jewel! It really does get easier and anxiety reduces, sleep gets better, and confidence builds. You can do it!

Jewel72

Thank you! Today was challenging again, but I sit here at 7:30 PM so thankful I did not listen to the AV. The thoughts came to drink this afternoon. I even thought how I might sneak it before or after my boys’ baseball game. But, I played the tape to the end and I refuse to get sucked back in to the vicious cycle.

Thanks for reading. It helped me greatly to know you were all here and I didn’t want to have to hide away from SR because I went back to the drink.

Trusting all of you who says this gets easier!!

Surrendered19

That is great that you have 3 days Jewel. It definitely does get easier.

venuscat

So happy for you darling Jewel.....another win.
It feels so good huh?
Let's do it again tomorrow!! ❤️

fini

3 days is great!
whenever those thoughts came up (more like reactions, for me, to all kinds of happenings), i somehow managed to take one step back from myself and almost watch myself from a little distance:"oh look, ooof, poor fini, having those thoughts" but also knowing thoughts come and thoughts go.
sometimes it helps to tell them to get lost, or cut them off, or fill the space they take up with other, deliberate thoughts.
but lots of times, they just float away after a while.
keep going, Jewel.

MaximusD

Hey Jewel, just catching up here. How is it going today? I haven't made it to the Class threads yet if you updated there.

Jewel72

Hi Max, Doing well, thank you. Back at day 4.
I’m glad you posted and congrats on a month. You are doing this!

MaximusD

Great to hear and thank you!

Hevyn

4 days - great to hear, Jewel.

Jewel72

Unfortunately, I couldn’t even make it 4 days. I went out alone last night (to a recovery meeting of all places!) and stopped to get one of those 4 packs of wine with the little bottles. So, I drank equivalent to one bottle of one last night. I didn’t sleep well and have a terrible headache this morning.

There are no excuses. Although I know what triggered it, so I have to work on distancing myself, in love, with a particular teen child. I hate this so much and I wonder if I’ll ever be free from this stronghold. I know I will never ever give up. At least I have that going for me. Plus, all you wonderful SR friends. I was going to phone a friend before I purchased, but the AV won this one.

New day. Will not self-loath or beat myself up. Moving forward today. I hate alcohol so much.

venuscat

Identifying triggers is huge. I know that working what mine were/are made it possible for me to stay sober no matter what was going on for me.
I am sure it will be that way for you as well. Gosh, and teenagers, man, that can take the patience of Job at times I am sure. s

Do you think you might be able to reach out to a friend (here ) next time this happens? Perhaps just to vent.
I know I need to do that when I get stressed beyond my limits.

I have close friends that I made here who I text as soon as I am getting upset. And this wasn't an easy thing for me to learn to do....it isn't in my nature to ask for help, or express feelings of despair. I wasn't brought up that way.

Sending you love and strength dear Jewel. s xx ❤️

Jewel72

Thank you, kind friend.

Yes, my recovery group friends have reminded me I need to text them next time. I’m always hesitant to “bother” someone. I feel like such a little child who needs so much hand holding right now. But I must reach out. I think I still have your number. In fact, I thought about calling you but I didn’t want to interrupt your dinner hour. It was right around 6 PM your time. See, I always find a reason to avoid the help. I will work on this. I really want to be a non-drinker for good.

venuscat

I just texted you....hopefully....he he....we shall see if you get it. xx

MaximusD

Jewel, yes you may need hand holding right now and that is absolutely okay! Reach out to them, I am sure that it is okay and actually what they would want. You can do this! Great job not getting down on yourself as you will make this stick. Awesome that you are staying here and staying at it!

Dee74

I;m sorry you drank Jewel. Sometime I think it comes down to things like facing fear, making efforts and being willing to change.

How much better would you feel today if you'd gone to the meeting or phoned a friend before you went to the liquor store.

The AV doesn't win so much as we forfeit the match?

D

Hevyn

You probably learned something valuable, Jewel. It took me a while to admit that alcohol - formerly my buffer against bad feelings - was never going to give me the relief I was seeking. If anything, it added to my misery & anxiety. If it never brought me comfort, or fun, or a break from problems - what good was it? Continue on - get free - you will make it.

boreas

Hello Jewel,
It does get easier, and for me that was because being sober just became my new normal state. I read once that it takes 21 days to make a habit...not sure how true that is but I definitely experienced a shift as I got used to a new pattern of behavior. Buying, pouring, drinking, etc. had become a ritual, and the comfort of that was as powerful as the psychological aspects of addiction for me. It worked well to plow through in the early days, breaking my routine as much as possible, and developing new routines (daily exercise was big for me) that I could enjoy and use to relieve stress.

Once the early days were done I was in a better position to begin to address the underlying issues. But I had to get a bit healthier before all that.

Teenagers are tough. But you can cope with whatever parenting throws at you strong and sober. If you’re like me, it’s a matter of giving yourself space to learn how.
Best wishes!
-bora

Jewel72

I hope you all don’t mind if I use this thread for accountability, but I’m back to pursuing day one.

Monday night’s relapse lead to 2 more days of drinking. My husband and I were supposed to go out for dinner last night, but I got really emotional (because of the wine) and started getting upset about many things. He was quite confused by my change, so it lead to me confessing I had been drinking again. I’m glad it’s out in the open and now I can move forward in honesty.

My plan is to continue to work through my step study, talk to my mentor, and attend my recovery group. When that’s not enough and temptation hits, I will post here and phone my friend.

Today, I will not leave the house alone. I will bring kids with me when I have to do errands. Husband will be watching me (babysitting tonight. I can’t wait to get back to the light again. Thanks to all you patient readers who keep supporting those of us who continue to stumble. You are appreciated.

Sober45

Way to go, Jewel. I had many false starts before it stuck. You're staying with it and facing up to your demons...admitting your failures. You will get there. And when you do, you'll be looking back on all this and wondering why you didn't quit sooner because sobriety really is that much better. It takes time and patients but like others have said, it is accomplished one day at a time.

I think keeping this thread going for accountability is a great idea. I posted daily in my original thread for quite some time at first. It really did make a difference.

One thing is for sure, you are determined!

MaximusD

Many props to you Jewel for remaining committed. I am 100% sure you will get this because of this commitment you have. Keep it up!