getright15

So for those of you who have followed my path I can say this is the longest I've gone without drink. I just passed a year less than 2 weeks ago. I'm extremely happy about that. I did get some help from the court, but it takes what it takes. Sure I'm still in clean up mode from everything that went down during my last run, but that's ok.

My question about resentments as I have a few of them and they hit me as if I was being punched by Mike Tyson. Some things are so hard to let go and yes it was because of my drinking and some people dont want anything to do with me. I don't find that to be the biggest of the issues, but to find out you're the reason why certain things don't happen after all these years really sucks. I'm trying to not dwell on it so much cause I know you cant please everyone. Not that I'm trying to. I don't know how to handle some things being newly sober I guess.

Hope everyone is doing well.

C0ntr0ls

My biggest loss was the wife and kids followed by all those wasted [Pun intended] years. I can't change the past and “try” not to dwell on it but I'm not always successful. All I can do and control is now/today and if I'm accepted great, if not, nothing I can do because I created/caused it with my drinking.

I'm lucky that I have a very good relationship with my former wife now and that's important to me because of the **** I put the family through.

I think there is a saying about glancing in the rear-view mirror occasionally but more time should be spent looking forward.

Just me rambling.

Have a good day and stay safe kids.

D122y

Years ago, one of my coworkers joking called me resentful.

When he said that it hurt deeply. I think I was still drinking at the time.

I am resentful. My resentment was linked to my drinking. It still is part of my routine.

My resentment is negative emotional analysis that I combat/quell with positive rational analysis.

For example: Resentment: My boss didn't pick me to lead the new project. He is so stupid and plays favorites. I hate him!

Positive Rational Analysis: I have been working hard for a long time. Let a new guy do some work. I get paid the same either way.

I go through mental gymnastics like this all the time. I put notes to myself on post its and on my phone.

That way I don't have to keep remembering how I solved my resentment or whatever.

Thanks.

Dee74

congrats on your year

all I could do was accept the responsibility for the things I'd done wrong ad there was a lot - make amends for those things and then try and forgive myself,. I found forgiving others a lot easier than forgiving myself, personally - those who wronged me, almost to a man (or woman) had reason to wrong - I had a part to play in just about everything.

The few things I had no part in - honestly I had a lot more things I had a part in so I considered I got off light,
I had to accept those no fault things as part of the long hard process of growing up, getting and staying sober, man.

D

brighterday1234

Recovery is all about clearing up the wreckage of ones past and forgiving yourself and others for their parts in it (in as much as this can be possible.) Holding onto resentments is a futile exercise which only hurts the person holding them in my experience. Talking through resentments with another individual in recovery who is ‘recovered’ is a great way of working through and losing the resentment in my experience.

AAPJ

Hi Getright,
Congratulations on a year. I do remember you because you include your photo. Anyway regarding resentments I certainly get the "some people don't want anything to do with me" issue. Nothing I can do to change the past and like brighterday said "Holding onto resentments is a futile exercise which only hurts the person holding them" Took me a while to believe/understand that concept but it's really true. I hope you have a good day.

MaximusD

Congratulations on a year! That is huge!

Anna

“Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, it's accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.” This is a quote from Oprah and it really hit me when I first read it. I had spent hours/days/weeks going over in my mind scenarios from my past and how I could have, should have done things differently. No matter how much mental energy I put into it, I was never going to be able to change things and have a different outcome from things in my past.

saoutchik

Good to see you getright!

It is probably not a totally negative thing to have some resentments and regrets as they act as a barrier to doing the same things again but it doesn't do to have them at the forefront of your consciousness. You just have to strike a balance between completely wiping events from your mind and thus not learning from them and obsessing about them and not becable to move on. Easier to type that out than it is execute of course.

Congratulations on one year sober, that is excellent!

Cityboy

Congrats on a year getright.

This is something I struggle with considerably.

So many things I regret doing, many while drinking, some not. Can't change the past, but I can try to learn from it and grow.

Some things that other people have done, or do, can be a struggle to process without falling back into the black hole.

ZIP

Great job on staying with the program and hitting that 1 year mark!
What helps me the longer I stay AF is acceptance. Some relationships change, some get rekindled, others....well, I can't do much about.
I accept that and move forward.
My goal is to be a better, nicer person than the drunk person I once was.

LumenandNyx

You quit drinking / using when you were ready. Whether you were helped or not. Well, in that sense - you're no different than anyone else. People come around when THEY'RE ready - not when you're ready.


When I realize I'm having a hard time handling something - I let it go. Whatever it is. I just stop letting it bug me by turning my focus onto other things. It might take some practice at first, but once you get the hang of it - well, I've decided it's a real handy skill.

DriGuy

Lumen is correct. Refocus your mind on something else. Even force it out of your mind. I learned this rather late in life. Frankly, when someone told me about this, I thought it was nuts. And I thought if it was actually possible for some people, it could never be for me. At first when I tried, it seemed pointless, but eventually I caught on to it. I used it as way to let go of resentment, but it also works when obsessing on something stressful. I remember a guy telling me one time that he spent a lot of time ignoring things. It's sounds like an odd way to express the idea, but it comes in handy.

least

Congrats on the first of many sober years!

The best 'cure' I know of for whatever ails you, is Gratitude. Express gratitude often. The rewards are many and lasting. With practicing gratitude, I find that I notice more things to be grateful for. Try it.

Delilah1

Congrats on one year, that’s a huge milestone!

One thing I’ve learned in recovery is to focus on what I can control, and not worry about the rest. You can’t control how others will react toward or treat you, just your own actions. It isn’t always easy, but it helps.

MythOfSisyphus

Congrats on One Year, getright15! That's fantastic! I know it wasn't always easy for you especially in the beginning but I'm so glad that it "stuck" for you.

lessgravity

Congrats on the sober time. I found that the real work doesn't even start till we get sober. Whatever it is - resentments, patterns of avoidance, self-destructive habits, etc - they can't be confronted, evaluated and explored when we are still drunk. Sobriety was a shock to me - I was surprised in the beginning, maybe right where you are, just how much life was going to require out of me. What I have found is that I am able, finally, to deal with my Self on it's terms - to work on me and who I truly want to be, the life I envisioned for myself when I was a drunk, now that I'm sober. It only gets easier and better, but the work continues and, far as I can tell, is going to be there for the rest of our lives. Congrats again.