freedomfries

If I think about it. I never really drank before I was nineteen. Only tastes, maybe a can. Between the ages of nineteen and twenty there was maybe four or five times I got drunk with other people and enjoyed myself. That's it. I drank a few times a year. That's the sum total of all the drinking in my life I don't regret.

From age twenty one I discovered drinking on my own and honestly I think I regret all my drinking from here. Once I started drinking on my own I became an alcoholic fast. Then it was either drinking on my own or getting blackout drunk around others and making regrettable decisions. Drinking was already causing my problems at 21 and somehow I kept going until 29. Chasing what? I feel so foolish. All the problems alcohol caused and only a few nights in my life when drinking was a good idea.

I wish I never drank on my own. I could have just kept on drinking two or three times a year with company and never developed a problem. I wish I stopped drinking the first time problems appeared. First time I got too drunk and didn't remember the night. I should have stopped then. There's so many times after that I should have stopped. So many wake up calls I should have listened to . So many rock bottoms.

My twenties are over and all I have to show for it is a ruined life. I wish I could go back in time and make better choices.

LumenandNyx

I imagine quite a few of us feel that way about alcohol and drinking. Ahh. Did you wake up sober today? Because that's what counts now. All you have is now.

freedomfries

Yeah. 31 days sober.

Fallow

Congrats on 31 days FF thats awesome.
Keep going!

I wish I could have been smart enough or afraid enough to quit after bad behaviors and blackouts happened too. Instead I kept on until I reached my forties and created way more damage and regrets. I have to look at that now, but I don't have to drink today!

biminiblue

In early sobriety one of the things I really worked on was not revisiting the past. I did it one time, wrote it all out and then every time it comes up now I am able to put it in perspective as, "Thank God that's over."

I don't dwell on it. In early days someone said, "It's okay to take a peek in the rear-view mirror, but don't stare. That's not the way you're going."

tornrealization

I was a bad drinker from the start as well. I started thinking about quitting at 28, just now at 41 do I think I have gained any traction.

It was blackout city. From my teenager years I was straight edge against any alcohol or drugs use then late 20 year old me caved ...instant alcoholic. No slow build up, disaster right away with then friends saying u should smoke pot instead. Which to this day I refuse to even try it. I just can't imagine trading one addiction drug in for another.

So yes I also wish I never drank but now I've been 1.5 years sober and everything is so much better and I think I appreciate things a lot differently has I not gone through this immense challenge.

Keep your eyes forward. Acknowledge your past but don't dwell on it for too long, we can't change it. So work on your present. Congrats on your one month sober!

Bilr44

Drinking by myself at home while my worked late as a CPA was my downfall. What started out as a couple times a week turned into a daily ritual. What started out as beer turned into vodka because it was more compact and easier to hide. All we can do is pay it forward and not look back.

fini

isn't it great that you can make better choices now? you ARE making better choices...keep going.

owen90

Similar story to me. We've both been lucky enough to survive our 20s and have been given a second chance at living properly mate. Let's grab it with both hands and try not to look back.

kk1k5x

No need to have your face toward the past too often - you're not going that way

Steely

https://youtu.be/sATwzYEA894

I like this one freedom.

on second thoughts....

I did spend a lot of time in regret though. It's good to be free of it, or working toward being free of it. Better ways to think.

Don't look back.

silentrun

Congratulations on 31 days. I didn't enjoy it at all the last couple of years yet I did it anyway.

Dee74

Its amazing how the clouds part a little while after you stop drinking, isn't it FF?

D

Ringside

Onward...

Personally, I had many, many good times when drinking. Even just before I gave it up, drinking offered me something I liked. I find it important for me to not pretend that wasn't the case. However - by the time I did give it up, alcohol was taking more than it was giving. And I know that balance will never change, which is enough for me to stay stopped.

FishingDude30

I can relate so much to this. I probably enjoyed drinking up until about 25. After that it turned into self medicating. 30 now and 38 days off the sauce!

Steely

One is too many.

SomehowIManage

SO much of your story rings soo true with me FreedomFries. I actively didn't even like the idea of drinking before I turned 19. My high school friends and even my own parents and girlfriend at the time couldn't understand why I felt that way. "It's a social lubricant" "It will help you come out of your shell" etc, etc. And that's all it eventually became at first until I too discovered drinking on my own which exponentially evolved over the course of my twenties to nearly every night. I'm just over 2 months sober now and anytime I get really bad cravings I remind myself with your Thread title. I would say I had a good night of drinking (I.E. a long even buzz with no vomiting and usually some productivity) maybe 25% of the time, every other time I would be leaving myself notes on my phone to remind myself in the morning that I didn't even enjoy drinking the night before while I was drinking. Congrats on one month. Keep it going.