A perennial question - how long before it gets easier?
saoutchik
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,183
A perennial question - how long before it gets easier?
When I was drinking and during the first weeks of recovery I would search online for guidance on the length of time I could reasonably expect it to take before I would not be hit with daily & nightly cravings. In short, when things would get easier?
I already knew that there would not be a precise answer even after accounting for all the variables like how much I drank, how long had I been drinking excessively and how long I had been drinking alcoholically, my personal relationships, my surroundings and my own physiology.
Another thing that mitigates against precision in these matters is that many of the improvements of recovery are invisible because they are constant but tiny and incremental so rather like the fact we cannot see our hair or nails growing if you leave for a period of time they will have grown.
One final thing that was true for me was that I didn't realise things had become easier until about 10 days to a fortnight after they actually had. It was a bit like learning to ride a bike without stabiliser wheels, you don't find out you can do it until after you have done it.
So, with all those caveats and provisos my own experience was that as a 54 year old who drank half a bottle of whiskey on weeknights, more at weekends and who had drunk excessively for over 30 years it did get easier for me at around the middle of my second month - as I say I did not realise that until the end of the second month.
Hopefully a few others with some sober time will give their experience of this in a paragraph or two which might be of help and encouragement to those just starting out or who are reading this and want to quit. We are all human so there will be more similarities than there are variations.
The most important thing to stress is that although there are variations timewise the bottom line is that IT WILL GET EASIER.
I already knew that there would not be a precise answer even after accounting for all the variables like how much I drank, how long had I been drinking excessively and how long I had been drinking alcoholically, my personal relationships, my surroundings and my own physiology.
Another thing that mitigates against precision in these matters is that many of the improvements of recovery are invisible because they are constant but tiny and incremental so rather like the fact we cannot see our hair or nails growing if you leave for a period of time they will have grown.
One final thing that was true for me was that I didn't realise things had become easier until about 10 days to a fortnight after they actually had. It was a bit like learning to ride a bike without stabiliser wheels, you don't find out you can do it until after you have done it.
So, with all those caveats and provisos my own experience was that as a 54 year old who drank half a bottle of whiskey on weeknights, more at weekends and who had drunk excessively for over 30 years it did get easier for me at around the middle of my second month - as I say I did not realise that until the end of the second month.
Hopefully a few others with some sober time will give their experience of this in a paragraph or two which might be of help and encouragement to those just starting out or who are reading this and want to quit. We are all human so there will be more similarities than there are variations.
The most important thing to stress is that although there are variations timewise the bottom line is that IT WILL GET EASIER.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
For me, feeling better coincides with the positive actions I take...as hard as they may be. It wasn't enough to just stop. I have to fill the space left by alcohol with other activities (mental and physical). The things I was avoiding through alcohol have to be dealt with. When I deal head-on with an issue, I end up feeling relieved after...and drinking is less enticing.
All in all, I'd say I started to really feel better at about month 4. There's been a huge change in me from month 4 to month 6. I feel really solid in my sobriety. But I'm giving myself at least the next 4 years to overcome this issue. From what I've read on here, recover occurs in stages. But every day there is growth.
And gratitude is the most important thing of all!
All in all, I'd say I started to really feel better at about month 4. There's been a huge change in me from month 4 to month 6. I feel really solid in my sobriety. But I'm giving myself at least the next 4 years to overcome this issue. From what I've read on here, recover occurs in stages. But every day there is growth.
And gratitude is the most important thing of all!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
I think it is safe to assume for all newbies to recovery that over time - things have to improve because there's not a whole lot in a person's life that feels worse on every human level than being an acute alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
When I first gave up and waved the white flag I went to AA meetings for a while. One of the things I heard repeatedly is that, "No one comes to AA on a winning streak." Boy, isn't that the truth?
Alcohol beat me. I was emotionally, physically and spiritually bankrupt. I was having frequent thoughts of death and I had scoped out bridges I could live under. Totally nuts, because I was in no real danger of being homeless, but I was so depressed and unable to find the good in anything.
The first couple weeks, pretty brutal. Shakiness, hallucinations, unable to sleep, pains, headaches, crippling anxiety and fear. Anger. So much anger. Tears. I cried multiple times a day. If anyone said the word, "You," to me I would start crying with no way to stop it. I had no control of my emotions at all.
By the end of two weeks that was better, but still messy.
At about three months I was getting that Pink Cloud effect they talk about. Sometimes I would just be overcome with Joy, for no real reason. That was a revelation to me. It was part of the healing.
Six months I was still working through my "issues." Lots of past trauma and stuff to overcome.
At eight months, it was like Sao said. I thought, "Hm. I've been feeling really good - for a while now. - Hm."
It's so worth it. I finally found PEACE. My brain now isn't chattering at me all the time.
It takes time. Like TomSteve used to say, TIME. Things I Must Earn.
Alcohol beat me. I was emotionally, physically and spiritually bankrupt. I was having frequent thoughts of death and I had scoped out bridges I could live under. Totally nuts, because I was in no real danger of being homeless, but I was so depressed and unable to find the good in anything.
The first couple weeks, pretty brutal. Shakiness, hallucinations, unable to sleep, pains, headaches, crippling anxiety and fear. Anger. So much anger. Tears. I cried multiple times a day. If anyone said the word, "You," to me I would start crying with no way to stop it. I had no control of my emotions at all.
By the end of two weeks that was better, but still messy.
At about three months I was getting that Pink Cloud effect they talk about. Sometimes I would just be overcome with Joy, for no real reason. That was a revelation to me. It was part of the healing.
Six months I was still working through my "issues." Lots of past trauma and stuff to overcome.
At eight months, it was like Sao said. I thought, "Hm. I've been feeling really good - for a while now. - Hm."
It's so worth it. I finally found PEACE. My brain now isn't chattering at me all the time.
It takes time. Like TomSteve used to say, TIME. Things I Must Earn.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Yes and thank you for the reminders. The solid ground under your feet and the reemergence (maybe for the first time in my adult life) of self-trust were the early signs. What is remarkable is that life just keeps getting better and better.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,755
Early on, I noticed improvement day by day, but it wasn't until about 3 months sober, and having started to practice gratitude every day, that I noticed I was feeling much better. 
But it does get better with more sober time.
But it does get better with more sober time. Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
Applying a program of recovery taught to me the first 28
days in rehab along with a 6 week aftercare program attached,
I continued listening, learning with willingness and an open
mind to the process it would take to clean up the mess I
made, the amends i needed to make, hoping to regain trust,
over the past 29 yrs as my life began to get better.
It hasn't always been an easy journey with many changes,
but with those positive changes, life has become in many ways,
much better.
days in rehab along with a 6 week aftercare program attached,
I continued listening, learning with willingness and an open
mind to the process it would take to clean up the mess I
made, the amends i needed to make, hoping to regain trust,
over the past 29 yrs as my life began to get better.
It hasn't always been an easy journey with many changes,
but with those positive changes, life has become in many ways,
much better.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,057
In the Big Book of AA, they talk about a "spiritual experience." I had a spiritual experience before I got into AA, right when I decided to get help with my problem. For me, getting help meant going to the hospital, on a small plane in bad weather. At the hospital, they gave me two IV's for rehydration and sent me to a no-cost detox. I spent five days there, and was medicated with Ativan. I was introduced to AA by an H & I meeting during detox, and continued daily meetings when I got home.
From the time I had my spiritual experience, things got easier. Living the life of an alcoholic was painful and exhausting. Maybe because I was medicated during the first few days, I did not have withdrawal symptoms. The detox I was at had its discomforts--shared rooms with lights on all night and bad food. But I was with others going through the same thing, and I was open to feeling their support.
So for me, thanks to being open to getting help from others, things got easier right away.
From the time I had my spiritual experience, things got easier. Living the life of an alcoholic was painful and exhausting. Maybe because I was medicated during the first few days, I did not have withdrawal symptoms. The detox I was at had its discomforts--shared rooms with lights on all night and bad food. But I was with others going through the same thing, and I was open to feeling their support.
So for me, thanks to being open to getting help from others, things got easier right away.
saoutchik
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,183
I have 5 years 7 months sober now but remember I had one stint at sobriety in 2011 when I went 49 days - exactly 7 weeks and the cravings did not let up once so I folded. The difference was that time all I was doing was white-knuckling it. Willpower was not enough for me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
Early improvements:
Day 2 I awoke and my mouth didn’t taste like a sewer.
Day 3 the embarrassing facial redness faded dramatically.
Day 4 I started walking with DS. We continue to this day. Over 1 hour of him telling me all about his adolescent life.
Some benefits were immediate and priceless. Thanks for a nice thread.
-bora
Day 2 I awoke and my mouth didn’t taste like a sewer.
Day 3 the embarrassing facial redness faded dramatically.
Day 4 I started walking with DS. We continue to this day. Over 1 hour of him telling me all about his adolescent life.
Some benefits were immediate and priceless. Thanks for a nice thread.
-bora
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 2,279
Good thread! When I first gave up I tried to read as much as I could about when I would feel...ok
Physically it was quite quick. I'd say 10-14 days and I felt much more human.
Emotionally and psychologically - it's really hard to answer. I'm on day 148 and although I'm clearly much happier etc I couldn't put my finger on how or when that's happened. The only real milestone is that I was VERY anxious which got better a little bit every day, and by week ten it left me completely.
My cravings have changed quite recently, from visceral, physical longing for the relief alcohol would bring to more theoretical thoughts like: 'Wouldn't it be nice to drink later?' I'm finding these easier to deal with as the answer is just so obviously NO 😂
Physically it was quite quick. I'd say 10-14 days and I felt much more human.
Emotionally and psychologically - it's really hard to answer. I'm on day 148 and although I'm clearly much happier etc I couldn't put my finger on how or when that's happened. The only real milestone is that I was VERY anxious which got better a little bit every day, and by week ten it left me completely.
My cravings have changed quite recently, from visceral, physical longing for the relief alcohol would bring to more theoretical thoughts like: 'Wouldn't it be nice to drink later?' I'm finding these easier to deal with as the answer is just so obviously NO 😂
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
As long as I was active in the early days, I did not feel many cravings, at least not strong ones. The first test was around month 1, when my sister had her first kid - I was very happy and relieved that everything went well, but I was not ready for the flood of emotions that rushed to my brain. Once the cravings passed, I recognised the moment as an important personal revelation, i.e. as long as I can keep things fairly level and myself reasonably content (by working, or actively engaging in the emotional and spiritual dumpster fire that was left behind when booze was forced out), I should be able to keep the cravings at bay. It's also when I discovered that content is better than what people call "happy", because I knew any big fluctuations in my emotional state would call up cravings.
Another checkpoint was at around month 4, when I took a trip to Italy. I never liked wine, so I wasn't necessarily concerned about that, but it was an "iffy" decision right up until I actually got there. I realised that there's so much to see and learn (and eat!) that booze never really entered my mind there. I recall one instance, though, I fell ill there and was trying to get to a metro station in Rome, but the specific line was closed and the station connecting the two lines was closed for repairs
Feeling sick, running out of water, and dead tired from the September sun, I walked past one of the many street cafes there and two ladies were having bright shiny golden beer, which was so cold that you could see the condensation for 20 feet away. My thought was "damn those ladies and their beer. I wish I had water". Reflecting on the situation later on, I realised that it was the tiredness, poor health and lack of water that even made me notice the beer -- in a situation that would have otherwise been 'boozie heaven', y'know, away from home, no one knows me, I've got money in my pocket etc.
A further checkpoint was month 6. This time I took a trip to the UK to stay with a friend, because I didn't want to be alone on my first sober birthday. We went out to some restaurants when I was there, and each time, my friend had a small beer or a glass of wine, and hand on heart, I didn't even notice it. I realised then that I was just focussed on the person sitting across from me, and I was no longer just staring at how much they drank or obsessing over the alcohol. Alcohol was there and I was there, but I didn't care about the booze.
The last test came recently. When the birth of my sister's kid was a flood of positive emotions, the recent trouble I had in communicating with my supervisor was a sustained flood of negative/downer emotions, even angry ones at times. After the situation was resolved (2-3 days), I realised once more that it were the overwhelming emotions that caused the cravings, nothing else - booze didn't suddenly become more appealing in and of itself.
To end the long story, I'd say this to newcomers: check your emotions and don't let things get out of hand - if you feel like you need to stuff your face with burgers or pizza and do nothing but watch Netflix all day to keep yourself calm, do exactly that. If the 'cold beer in Italy' story got your boozie gears all grinding, don't go anywhere near situations that involve alcohol - you're not ready yet. If you're still focussed on the booze, not the person you're with, you're also not ready to meet or get together with people in "wet" situations.
I agree with sao and bim, because I, too, realised reaching a certain level of comfort within myself only some time after it had occurred, but I noticed numerous tiny positive things all along the way to those "checkpoints".
Another checkpoint was at around month 4, when I took a trip to Italy. I never liked wine, so I wasn't necessarily concerned about that, but it was an "iffy" decision right up until I actually got there. I realised that there's so much to see and learn (and eat!) that booze never really entered my mind there. I recall one instance, though, I fell ill there and was trying to get to a metro station in Rome, but the specific line was closed and the station connecting the two lines was closed for repairs
Feeling sick, running out of water, and dead tired from the September sun, I walked past one of the many street cafes there and two ladies were having bright shiny golden beer, which was so cold that you could see the condensation for 20 feet away. My thought was "damn those ladies and their beer. I wish I had water". Reflecting on the situation later on, I realised that it was the tiredness, poor health and lack of water that even made me notice the beer -- in a situation that would have otherwise been 'boozie heaven', y'know, away from home, no one knows me, I've got money in my pocket etc.A further checkpoint was month 6. This time I took a trip to the UK to stay with a friend, because I didn't want to be alone on my first sober birthday. We went out to some restaurants when I was there, and each time, my friend had a small beer or a glass of wine, and hand on heart, I didn't even notice it. I realised then that I was just focussed on the person sitting across from me, and I was no longer just staring at how much they drank or obsessing over the alcohol. Alcohol was there and I was there, but I didn't care about the booze.
The last test came recently. When the birth of my sister's kid was a flood of positive emotions, the recent trouble I had in communicating with my supervisor was a sustained flood of negative/downer emotions, even angry ones at times. After the situation was resolved (2-3 days), I realised once more that it were the overwhelming emotions that caused the cravings, nothing else - booze didn't suddenly become more appealing in and of itself.
To end the long story, I'd say this to newcomers: check your emotions and don't let things get out of hand - if you feel like you need to stuff your face with burgers or pizza and do nothing but watch Netflix all day to keep yourself calm, do exactly that. If the 'cold beer in Italy' story got your boozie gears all grinding, don't go anywhere near situations that involve alcohol - you're not ready yet. If you're still focussed on the booze, not the person you're with, you're also not ready to meet or get together with people in "wet" situations.
I agree with sao and bim, because I, too, realised reaching a certain level of comfort within myself only some time after it had occurred, but I noticed numerous tiny positive things all along the way to those "checkpoints".
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I did a lot of damage to myself when I relapsed hard from 2008 to 2011.
I knew while going through detox and then twenty-eight-day rehab that I was going to have a difficult time getting back on my feet and in every way. I walked into the ED with 220/180 blood pressure, and they wouldn't let me go that day. They found a bed for me in detox.
I reminded myself daily that I was paying the price for all I had done during my relapse and that everything that happened from then on would represent an ongoing challenge to get myself right as much as I could. My goals were modest but manageable.
I imagined myself working a part-time job in CVS, living in an SRO, and scraping by with Social Security and Medicare. That would have made me happy under the circumstances. It never came down to any of that. I followed the suggestions of people I trusted and then made them my own.
I did things to get sober, to work through some of my personal stuff, and to be productive in my life. I didn't attempt to make the trip through sobriety an easy one. It wouldn't have worked. I never even intended to stop drinking and only did so because I could no longer take care of myself.
I didn't shoot myself down, make things more difficult, or go out of my way to experience additional hardship. I was ready to pay my dues. After I accepted that this work was going to be very difficult, humbling, heartbreaking, and somehow valuable, I worked through my sobriety a little bit differently, but no miracles.
People in AA used to say things like, "I wish you a slow recovery." Having been sober for twenty-five years prior to my relapse, I was on intimate terms as to what that meant for me. You can't do it slowly enough.
Getting sober is not the time to despair, to run from hard work, internal and otherwise, or to tell yourself -- and then catalog -- what you cannot or will not do. Those things are the kinds of things that brought many of us to our knees.
I knew while going through detox and then twenty-eight-day rehab that I was going to have a difficult time getting back on my feet and in every way. I walked into the ED with 220/180 blood pressure, and they wouldn't let me go that day. They found a bed for me in detox.
I reminded myself daily that I was paying the price for all I had done during my relapse and that everything that happened from then on would represent an ongoing challenge to get myself right as much as I could. My goals were modest but manageable.
I imagined myself working a part-time job in CVS, living in an SRO, and scraping by with Social Security and Medicare. That would have made me happy under the circumstances. It never came down to any of that. I followed the suggestions of people I trusted and then made them my own.
I did things to get sober, to work through some of my personal stuff, and to be productive in my life. I didn't attempt to make the trip through sobriety an easy one. It wouldn't have worked. I never even intended to stop drinking and only did so because I could no longer take care of myself.
I didn't shoot myself down, make things more difficult, or go out of my way to experience additional hardship. I was ready to pay my dues. After I accepted that this work was going to be very difficult, humbling, heartbreaking, and somehow valuable, I worked through my sobriety a little bit differently, but no miracles.
People in AA used to say things like, "I wish you a slow recovery." Having been sober for twenty-five years prior to my relapse, I was on intimate terms as to what that meant for me. You can't do it slowly enough.
Getting sober is not the time to despair, to run from hard work, internal and otherwise, or to tell yourself -- and then catalog -- what you cannot or will not do. Those things are the kinds of things that brought many of us to our knees.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,922
Two years ago I cut down and later stopped drinking. I also took up exercise as I was obese. My personal trainer took me through a plan which included running 1Km on a treadmill. I shuffled through it. I forget the time but my heart rate was through the roof and I felt awful. I wondered how long it’d take to not feel like that. The trouble is as you get fitter you work harder, so you never feel better, but the results are apparent. Two years on, I don’t bother with treadmills and run outside instead. I run between 5 and 10Km and my heart rate is still high as it should be as I’m trying hard.
Likewise with quitting, you won’t really notice a time when the cravings go away and the anxiety eases. As a drinker, I’d find any excuse. When I was on day 55, I had a family problem and suddenly needed a drink, but I held off. My body had started getting used to the idea that there’d be no alcohol, and the cravings of old had subsided just enough to stop me drinking that day.
So there’s no simple answer, but in a matter of weeks your cravings will be less. I’m 19 months sober and get the odd craving, but any anxiety or sleep issues went within months.
Likewise with quitting, you won’t really notice a time when the cravings go away and the anxiety eases. As a drinker, I’d find any excuse. When I was on day 55, I had a family problem and suddenly needed a drink, but I held off. My body had started getting used to the idea that there’d be no alcohol, and the cravings of old had subsided just enough to stop me drinking that day.
So there’s no simple answer, but in a matter of weeks your cravings will be less. I’m 19 months sober and get the odd craving, but any anxiety or sleep issues went within months.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
I am hard wired to notice obstacles. It is a vital part of my survival instinct.
When I am walking down a sidewalk, I don't notice that there are no people in my way. I don't notice that there are no construction repair jobs on the sidewalk taking place. I don't notice that there are no delivery trucks or motorcycles illegally parked on the sidewalk. If any of those scenarios were taking place, I would quickly notice them.
I am not sure of when things got easier, but I am sure it happened way before I noticed. I think I was probably three months into recovery when it occurred to me that I couldn't remember the last time that alcohol had even entered my thoughts. That was a light-bulb turning on inspirational moment that I never looked back from!!! I was on the road to freedom!
When I am walking down a sidewalk, I don't notice that there are no people in my way. I don't notice that there are no construction repair jobs on the sidewalk taking place. I don't notice that there are no delivery trucks or motorcycles illegally parked on the sidewalk. If any of those scenarios were taking place, I would quickly notice them.
I am not sure of when things got easier, but I am sure it happened way before I noticed. I think I was probably three months into recovery when it occurred to me that I couldn't remember the last time that alcohol had even entered my thoughts. That was a light-bulb turning on inspirational moment that I never looked back from!!! I was on the road to freedom!
saoutchik
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,183
Hodd, doing some form of exercise does seem to help, even if it's just a brisk walk. It seems to lift the mood and help establish a better sleeping pattern than when we are drinking. It helped me for sure.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Wonderful thread, Sao. I don't have much to add that hasn't been said already. EndGame's observations, as always, are spot on.
What I can add, though, is how much the changes make possible. It makes me realize that so much about my life was small before recovery. As the years go by, I keep developing as a person. It's really hard to describe how great that feels.
What I can add, though, is how much the changes make possible. It makes me realize that so much about my life was small before recovery. As the years go by, I keep developing as a person. It's really hard to describe how great that feels.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,153
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
One of the things I heard repeatedly is that, "No one comes to AA on a winning streak."
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Alcoholism is too complex to make precise predictions about recovery timelines.
That's exactly what I said when Sao mentioned that he was thinking about making this thread. I believe that is true. There is a lot to sort out for some people and there is very little other than just stopping for others.
As far as the physical part, it's just one day at a time until.
Until.
How ever long it takes, it's worth it.
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