Obladi

Well, that's Step 1 right there. I don't know how the program could possibly support sobriety for a person who's not sure they are ready to completely give up drinking forever. Working the steps doesn't make that decision - you have to do that. Don't get me wrong, I think the very definition of addiction is the state of wanting/not wanting the addictive substance. And the addicted part of our brains does everything in its (very limited but very persuasive and very despicable) power to convince us we can't live without the substance. That's the deal. But if you think you might someday decide to drink again, the standard program advice is, "Ok, have at it. We'll be here when you're sure you're ready to be done."

I hope that doesn't sound harsh. It's not intended that way. But "intending not to drink" is way different from "having a plan to not drink no matter what."

O

sweetiepie32

It doesn't sound harsh.... it's the truth, and probably why I keep relapsing. I'm not doing everything I can to stop myself from that first drink... maybe still looking for an easier way keeping the door slightly open. Problem is sometimes I think im done 100%, but I'm not doing everything I can to protect my sobriety I know this in hindsight.... that's just the truth about where I am. Im going to keep attending meetings and using other sobriety resources, I know a sober life is better, I just continue to allow my addicted mind to convince me otherwise.

biminiblue

Keep going to meetings, but I wouldn't expect a sponsor to be all in if I wasn't.

Like Obladi said, Step One is admitting it has won and acknowledging that in the deepest parts of yourself.

Maybe sit down and type out (for yourself, not necessarily for public consumption) your drinking "career." Put down in writing the whole story. Start at the beginning, the first drink you remember. Don't leave anything out.

There has to come a time when enough is enough and only you can make that Decision.