nez

Whenever I thought like that, the part that scared me was what if I was wrong about death being the solution I thought it would be. I have been wrong about plenty of things before, so how I could know death work out the way I thought it would? What would be the effect on your kids? Is that the legacy you want to leave them with? If you can't do right by yourself, do right by them. Show them how to fight and rise up! Show them life is worthwhile, Show them life is what we make it to be.

Philemon

Hello BABM. I was right where you are at the beginning of the month. I hadn't gone 10 days without a 4-10 day binge for years. I went through some bad withdrawals mentally and physically after the last big binge. Went 8 days, drank one and a half days and have 12 days sober again now.

It wasn't easy getting off the last big bender at the beginning of the month. The physical cravings were very strong coming down from a binge. The thing about cravings, with me, was they got worse the more I drank. There was no satisfying them. You can drink a river of spirits, but you'll never drink enough, because the cravings will come back.

This is not something that it out of your control, You are the only one who can control it. It is not something that has come and "taken you over" The AV is not "possessing you" so to speak. It is YOUR addictive voice. YOU control IT.
You are the one with the power over your arms and legs you need to go and get the drink, YOUR MIND is the one that decides to drink the drink, not any mysterious force.
The AV is ONE PART of your mind. The rest of your mind, wants to be healthy, loves your kids, wants to kick this shite to the kerb.
The rest of your mind is much more powerful than the puny AV part of you.

If it wasn't, you would never have pulled yourself off any bender ever. You would have drank yourself to death in one session.
You can stop this drinking anytime.
I see you believe in God? I believe in an entity bigger than us, but not a human type God who will reach down and do our work for us (as I think was touched upon earlier in the thread), But a force that will help us summon up our inner strength, IF YOU WANT TO STOP.
It's no good saying "I want to stop but I can't" because that is BS that everyone here has spouted at one time or another.

Recognising the AV is just a technique to separate out and recognise the addict in you. Again the AV not a malevolent force that takes you over. It's a part of you that the healthy part has to get under control. That the healthy part of you has to stop giving free reign to. The AV is the part of YOU that WANTS to drink. YOU control IT.
I know this post is repetitive, But keep repeating to yourself that YOU are NOT out of control. YOU WANT to drink, or you wouldn't be doing it. The AV is PART of you, the part that wants to drink.
There are stronger parts to you. You have lots of aspects to your mind. The AV is just one of them. You have a whole army of other aspects to you.
Be A Better Man. You missed I will from that title

You drink because it's easier than working on the things that trouble your mind. Working on making yourself more comfortable in your mind, doesn't light up the reward centres of the brain and give you an instant buzz, like alcohol does. And what the addict part of you craves, will use any excuse to get.
But it's fools gold
Do you not think that if it worked that everyone here on this forum would not be happily still doing it?

I do not mean to sound harsh. but you are acting the victim of some outside force when you're not.

You can do it. You are not inferior to anyone who has done it. You just haven't harnessed any of the enormous resources everyone has inside themselves yet.

Withdrawal is scary and harsh. So is facing the real world without the false "comfort" of alcohol. This time next week you could be over the withdrawals. Or you could be in an even worse state with the drink. But it's your choice, no one elses.

I'm not saying all this to preach to you. I'm saying to you, what I say to myself.

Just take the leap BABM. No one can push you

MaximusD

Great post Doriss and it sounds a lot like AVRT. We love you BABM and hope you get out of this.

Be123

Hi BABM. How you doing?

You obviously REALLY want to give up alcohol, but your technique isn't working. Maybe you need to try a different approach? Might save yourself some pain and heartache by doing so?

What would your doctor/GP do if you told them what you've been telling us for the last week? I don't know but I'm sure they would try to help.

Im pulling for you mate and I think that getting medical help right now may be in your best interests

Philemon

It IS AVRT, well a watered down version. Don't want to hit anyone over the head with it full force! I am using AVRT and finding it very good for my needs.

Philemon

[QUOTE=Be123;7481320]Hi BABM.

"You obviously REALLY want to give up alcohol, but your technique isn't working."

I think this is only partially true. Addiction is ambivalence to a substance.
You want to stop drinking, but you also want the effects that drinking gives you. Otherwise, if the whole of you wanted to drink, it would just be chemical dependence, you wouldn't even want to stop. If you REALLY wanted to stop, nothing could make you drink.

YOU, the real authentic you, wants to give up drinking. But a part of you wants to carry on for those lit up reward centres and temporary relief drinking brings, that is your AV.... Ambivalence.

The sole reason anyone drinks is the AV (their addictive voice) which exists ONLY to drink, no other reason.
The real authentic you is much stronger and more powerful than the AV (why the AV needs to "persuade" the "real you" to take a drink).
If you separate this part of you, your AV, whose every solution to every problem is to drink... from your authentic self, the part that can think logically and wants to stop (for good reasons). You then recognise this is your AV and ignore it's "solutions, demands,cravings" Know this is not YOU wanting a drink, but the addicted PART of you. And it will always want a drink. Doesn't matter how much you feed it, it is never enough. The only way to quiet it down is to ignore it. It will come less frequently, especially as the authentic YOU learns to cope and not swayed that a "drink will fix A,B orC" That's all the AV has up it's sleeve, a drink will fix this. Easy to spot. Solution to ignore it

MaximusD

Morning BABM. Hope to hear from you soon.

BeABetterMan

Nothing good to report. I might miss my chance to see the kids this time if I don't get right today.

MaximusD

Well get right then! You know how happy you are when they are around and it will help to have them around to keep you busy in the early days of your next quit which is starting today!

MaximusD

This is something you said to me when I was in your place. You know what you have to do.

Dee74

make it certain you won’t miss that chance BABM. Take back your power.

D

Be123

Hi BABM. When I first got sober I did a course on SMART recovery, I was filling all day every day with recovery-related stuff to get me through. Those tools were really useful to me and still are.

One was called The Hierarchy of Values. It made me cry quite a lot. Listing the things of importance to me...you know, job, house, relationships, kids etc. It made me cry because being brutally honest with myself and putting Cider above my own children hurt my soul. It still does but I'm gradually moving forward.

I realised how deep I was in. I'd put cider ahead of birthdays, mornings, being present in so many precious, precious moments. I was there in body but i was either drunk, hungover or thinking about drinking. I'll never get that back (and yes, it's making me cry again now).

It was at that point I realised I had to do whatever it took to get sober. I couldn't be that man anymore. It's a ******* struggle but the alternative was just too awful as I looked at myself in that horrendous light.

All the best mate, you can do this, but you're going to have to do 'whatever it takes'

Hevyn

Please don't give up on your precious life, Babm. We are all with you and we know you can win.

PuckLuck

Unreal how booze does this.

I was there too. Yesterday. Lying in bed with my heart pounding, shortness of breath, weak, yup...

BeABetterMan

That’s that. ****.

Be123

Thats what?

I really hope it's 'That's that with drinking'. Alcohol brought me to me knees as an abject failure and mess, I think there is a lot of us on here in that boat....the only way is up from there!!

Join the winning team mate, get on board and try again. You've got perseverance, you've got love for your family, you've got all of us pulling for you. You have all the strength and personality you need - open up and if you need medical support to get over the first hurdle go get it today

MaximusD

Hey BABM, check in today.

LumenandNyx

You know ... your 1st post on here was 5 days ago. You wrote that bad anxiety and struggling for breath led you to drink. You've been drinking ever since you wrote that first post.

I don't think my concern would be about seeing anyone today other than an intake counselor at a treatment facility. Your words make it clear to me that stopping drinking is NOT something you can do alone.

Hevyn

We care about you, Babm. Please let us hear from you regardless of what's going on.

BeABetterMan

Wrapping up day two of sobriety. Anxiety is through the charts. I stopped taking the med that I think was causing the debilitating anxiety also no more huge meals at night as they were contributing to my breathing issues I think.

I will post more tomorrow. But wanted to let everyone know I’m alive.