biminiblue

Awww. Well, quit drinking and that depressed thinking goes away.

Not in a few days, but it does go away if you work at a sober life. Like they say in AA, "Don't quit before the miracle happens."

Stable

BABM I think you need a medically supervised detox.

least

I didn't realize how depressed drinking had made me until I was sober for a while and started feeling more positive. But every time you drink, you set yourself back to the beginning of the whole process. I too would suggest a medical detox to get you started on sobriety.

thomas11

My friend, you are in the grips of alcohol. Please care for yourself and this too shall pass.

nez

You are worth it, which is why people are responding. We care, but we can't make you feel worthy no matter how much we try. You just have to take us at our word that you are worthy.

When I was at my bottom, but still trying without success, I would get maybe two days, sometimes two hours, before failing again. I just couldn't help myself, no matter how much I wanted to. I needed to be taken out of the game (so to speak) for awhile so that I could get some time and protect me from me, before returning to the game.

I went to a 30 day rehab so that alcohol was definitely not an option and where I could learn, with supervision, to crawl before attempting to walk. When attempting to transition from crawling to walking, it was also with much needed supervision. By the end of the 30 days, I wasn't well and wonderful by any means, but I had a leg-up on what I needed to do in order to continue successfully in sobriety. I was in a much better place to show up at the starting line of the game of real life because of all the coaching and practice that took place in rehab.

There are still plenty of times that I need to be protected from myself, but rehab gave me the tools and showed me how to do that. One of those tools was learning that I am worthy of all the good that life has to offer. And so are you!

Steely

If you've picked up again, detox may be the way to go BABM. Break the cycle.

Be is right about porridge (oats). I did a diet training thing at work once and was told that porridge was the first and best thing to feed a person during detox.

You are worthwhile BABM. You just can't see it at the moment. Drinking to avoid these uncomfortable, uncertain, parts of yourself. Sobriety will open your eyes to how good you really are.

least

I never felt worthy of anything good when I was drinking. I felt like a total waste of oxygen, a total waste of space.

Stop drinking and that negative cycle of thinking will dissipate. I promise!

Dee74

I never felt worthy when I was drinking either - another self perpetuating lie that made it easier for the cycle to continue BABM.
Your kids are coming to stay with you soon right?

that's another excellent reason to knock this on the head now.
D

BeABetterMan

It’s not as much about drinking as it is about being sober.

BeABetterMan

My friend. Grade school through high school. It hurts.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Tm8LGxTLtQk

Dee74

I used to think my problem was being sober too but honestly BABM I had no real experience of being sober - I was either drinking... or in between drinks waiting for the next bottle. Sometimes I realised that waiting, and other times not.

I'm not sure what the Linkin Park is about - if you've lost a friend I'm sorry but drinking won't help.
You can;t outrun or out drink pain...it will be waiting for you when you sober up.

Everyone one of us, sooner or later has to choose to face that pain, whatever it is, sober.

D

anxiousrock

Anxiety is horrible I hope it gets better for you soon.

BeABetterMan

Hi everyone. I’m tossed. I love you all.

Dee74

I wish you'd stop and listen to what we're saying BABM.
Take our advice - make a choice for anything but more drinking.

As much as we want to, we can't actually do anything to help if you're choosing not to listen.

D

BeABetterMan

Sorry Dee. I’m crap.i wish I were better.

Dee74

I'm not mad man - just sad for ya.
You are better - if you'd believe that.

D

Mags1

Hi BABM, sorry you’re feeling this way. You’re not crap at all. We don’t think straight with alcohol.
I didn’t know how to live without alcohol and thought it was easier to give in to it. It isn’t...it destroys our lives, strips us of everything precious to us.
Learning that there is life after alcohol (which I thought impossible) well, That’s the recovery bit, and you’re worth having the recovery, so you wake up every morning and are happy you’re sober.

You can do this, yes you can Get and stay sober. A. Minute, an hour, a day, one more step to freedom from drink, you can beat this.

Surrendered19

You are not crap BABM. You are an alcoholic. But when you drink you certainly feel like crap. You were like I was when I drank. Loved loved loved to beat the shite out of myself before I went to work on others. Once I tore myself down for being a piece of crap, it was a very short road to beating up on everyone else too. Of course is was all the dirtiest part of my AV at hard work. If I was crap, why not drink? So so insidious.

You have such wise words to offer others here on SR and I'm sure in your in-person life. But that all gets buried in self-loathing when you drink. Let's make today your Day 1 BABM and you can get back to helping others rather than digging yourself in deeper.

I want to point out that your honesty is pretty amazing to behold. It is one of the things that will save you.

biminiblue

Surrendered19.

Thanks so much for your post. I'm not nearly awake enough to elaborate (I just tried and it made no sense,) but just thanks.

MaximusD

Hi BABM, hopefully you are sleeping now. You might wake up feeling bad and anxious. Don't pick up the bottle. Maybe you need to do what I have done and get mad at this crap. It keeps robbing us of what we want in life. Looking forward to your sober return.