Frustrated with my self
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 1
Frustrated with my self
Hi i have never been in a group chat of any kind i have been drinking heavy for at least 5 years and only at night some nights i dont even have one drink but if i start then i dont want to stop and its only the evening as if i do not want to be there and need the evening finished or night to come i wake up sad about why i was drinking and that i wont do it again of course i do
I get anxious in the evenings
I get anxious in the evenings
Getting sober isn't easy, it's hard at first but the rewards are many. 
Coffee Snob
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 808
Welcome to the forum, Suzy. 
You'll find that we all "get it" here, so we have a pretty good idea of what you're going through. It's tough, but hopefully you'll be inspired by the SR community and achieve the sobriety you deserve.
You'll find that we all "get it" here, so we have a pretty good idea of what you're going through. It's tough, but hopefully you'll be inspired by the SR community and achieve the sobriety you deserve.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Hi! Glad you found Sober Recovery. I lurked on here quietly for a decade before I could try to stop and to really stay stopped. I thought it was all me, this drinking and not wanting to stop and feeling bad after and promising not to drink again the next night only to do it again. Lather rinse, repeat!
Alcohol seemed to help my nightly anxiety until it kinda stopped working for me. It took about 25 years for me to finally stop and stay stopped. It doesn't have to be that long for you.
Once I gave up alcohol, I needed to replace that sense of relief and comfort that the bottle once gave me. I happened to find it in Alcoholics Anonymous, but I'm a hard head and wasn't ready to learn how to create an alcohol free life for myself. I was in deep denial.
I suggest you don't wait as long as I did. I am living proof that the 12 steps help to change us and that getting sober at the age of 50 is doable.
You can stay stopped, too!
Alcohol seemed to help my nightly anxiety until it kinda stopped working for me. It took about 25 years for me to finally stop and stay stopped. It doesn't have to be that long for you.
Once I gave up alcohol, I needed to replace that sense of relief and comfort that the bottle once gave me. I happened to find it in Alcoholics Anonymous, but I'm a hard head and wasn't ready to learn how to create an alcohol free life for myself. I was in deep denial.
I suggest you don't wait as long as I did. I am living proof that the 12 steps help to change us and that getting sober at the age of 50 is doable.
You can stay stopped, too!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Welcome Suzy,
Anxiety is a common reason for drinking because it does seem to help. But, I found it always ended up causing me more anxiety. Can you come up with some healthy ways to deal with your anxiety in the evenings? Do you have an exercise program? Music is often helpful or a good book or movie. Hopefully you can come up with something that works for you.
Anxiety is a common reason for drinking because it does seem to help. But, I found it always ended up causing me more anxiety. Can you come up with some healthy ways to deal with your anxiety in the evenings? Do you have an exercise program? Music is often helpful or a good book or movie. Hopefully you can come up with something that works for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
Posts: 918
Have you ever tried to balance yourself on a seesaw when people were at both ends? That's what I think of when I was getting my footing in early sobriety. It's like being on a boat at sea - you just do your best to keep your balance until you can plop your butt down in a chair. Some days are steadier than others. That's just the way it is.
Here are two of my favorite quotes:
1) "Be like water." Bruce Lee
2) "It does not matter how slow you go as long as you do not stop." Confucius
The first suggests that flowing around and over difficulties when you encounter them is much easier than attempting to resist them.
The second is pretty obvious - slow down to catch your breath when marching towards your goal, but don't ever give up.
Here are two of my favorite quotes:
1) "Be like water." Bruce Lee
2) "It does not matter how slow you go as long as you do not stop." Confucius
The first suggests that flowing around and over difficulties when you encounter them is much easier than attempting to resist them.
The second is pretty obvious - slow down to catch your breath when marching towards your goal, but don't ever give up.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Anxiety really drives a lot of my drinking. I believe my anxiety is a result of my overactive mind and my desire to, and belief that I can, control EVERYTHING. My mind churns solving all of the problems of the world. When really, all I can worry about is my self. For a lot of us alcoholics we have to practice handing over the problems or perceived problems of life to something or someone else. For a lot of us that is God. Whatever it is, we have to know that we do NOT run the show, we barely run our own show. I've also found that a nice walk, or bike ride around nightfall helps a lot. So does a big meal, fill up that space you were going to pour all of that booze.
I don't know if any of these things are relatable to you. But if you're drinking more than you'd like and you're feeling like caca, you've come to the right place. We LOVE newcomers. So WELCOME! Gotta run, heading out on a walk...I mean it is nightfall here
I don't know if any of these things are relatable to you. But if you're drinking more than you'd like and you're feeling like caca, you've come to the right place. We LOVE newcomers. So WELCOME! Gotta run, heading out on a walk...I mean it is nightfall here
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
It's great to meet you, suzy.
That's how it was for me - once it was in my system I had no control. it always led to many. It was so good to find SR and know I was no longer alone. Everyone understood. I hope you'll keep reading and posting - we care about you.
That's how it was for me - once it was in my system I had no control. it always led to many. It was so good to find SR and know I was no longer alone. Everyone understood. I hope you'll keep reading and posting - we care about you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Welcome Suzy! Stay close and post often, especially when you have cravings. Sounds like you are getting control of it sooner than many do. You will save yourself a lot of money, heartbreak and drama!
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 365
Welcome, suzyj! I hope you're OK.
Your drinking pattern sounds a lot like my own. Once I started, I found it difficult to stop, but I was never a day drinker or an every day drinker. I'm early on myself and can relate to the feeling of being frustrated with yourself. I can't count the times I stopped 'for a beer" and ended up sloshed and miserable. Just five days in, I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, that life can be better without ever putting myself in the position of being that awful drunk guy again.
Your drinking pattern sounds a lot like my own. Once I started, I found it difficult to stop, but I was never a day drinker or an every day drinker. I'm early on myself and can relate to the feeling of being frustrated with yourself. I can't count the times I stopped 'for a beer" and ended up sloshed and miserable. Just five days in, I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, that life can be better without ever putting myself in the position of being that awful drunk guy again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Susy, I understand. You can stop, although I know from my own experience that it takes a bit of doing. I fumbled with it for years until I couldn't take it anymore, and even at that point, quitting didn't come naturally. I had to try things that were outside my familiar comfort zone, and for most of us, this doesn't feel natural. I know what you are going through, however. I know it all too well.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 243
Write down the stuff you did or said when drunk that you wouldn’t do sober. Write it all down. Then keep reading it. That’s what I did. At least what you can remember.
Or get some blood work done. See what that looks like. My test recently was normal, luckily, but it wasn’t when I was drinking.
Use that for motivation. Do you want your family to know you as a drunk? Significant other? Kids! Do you want your health to deteriorate to a point you can’t recover? Look up cirrhosis on the internet and see what that looks like.
There is so much more out there. Try juicing. It’s easy and fun. Fresh juice is great.
Or get some blood work done. See what that looks like. My test recently was normal, luckily, but it wasn’t when I was drinking.
Use that for motivation. Do you want your family to know you as a drunk? Significant other? Kids! Do you want your health to deteriorate to a point you can’t recover? Look up cirrhosis on the internet and see what that looks like.
There is so much more out there. Try juicing. It’s easy and fun. Fresh juice is great.
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