Finally admitted my problem
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 12
Finally admitted my problem
Hi all,
I am new here so don't really know where to start, I have been reading these posts for the last few days and decided to create an account.
Today I made a big step in admitting to both the doctor and my sister who I live with that I have an alcohol problem, particularly binge drinking. I have known in the back of my mind for a long time, but been in denial and now I am just very scared about what I have potentially done to my body over the past 8 years. I would describe myself as a university social drinker, who just never stopped after graduating and am no longer very social.
I am a female, just turned 27. I never drank other than the odd alcopop at Christmas until I was 19, just before starting university when I started going out about once a week with a friend, would drink to get a little drunk but never overdid it too much. During the first few months of university, as I am sure often happens, my alcohol consumption slowly increased, but as I was not drinking as much or as often as my peers, I did not see the problem. This continued into my second year, where I started drinking more (around a bottle of wine twice or three times a week or so) but again did not see the problem.
I started getting into serious trouble in my third year where I completed a year abroad in a country famous for its cheap alcohol. Away from home, I started having daily panic attacks which scared me half to death and even ended up in hospital on one occasion. Counterproductively, my drinking again slowly increased as I 1. used alcohol to drown out the symptoms (though they were always worse the next day) and 2. became addicted. I started drinking from shortly after waking up with my first meal (I used to wake up in the afternoons after staying up late at night, so the cafe owners did not bat an eyelid at serving me 2 or 3 prosecco cocktails), then would drink a soft drink or water before moving onto another bar and drinking 2 or 3 rum and cokes, again having a soft drink or water, and then finally hitting the final bar and having another 3 or so cocktails until I went back home and to bed. This was my almost daily routine for around 4 months (I would drink alcohol at least 5 days a week). I definitely recognised this wasn't healthy, but felt at the time it was comforting me through a hard time. I lived in a big old scary house and genuinely hated being at home which was where my panic attacks always took place, so staying out from when I woke up until I went to bed became almost a superstitious routine for me during the spring and summer months.
Fastforward to my final 2 years of university (I completed a MA so spent 5 years in total), I was probably drinking 2 bottles of wine or a 3litre cheap cider or 3/4 of a 350ml whisky at least 3-4 times per week. At some point I seemed to have overtaken my peers without realising it in terms of my drinking. I know I should not compare myself to other people, but it suddenly seemed shocking that the people I was friends with who drank so much during those first few years, were now slowing now and seemed in control.
It has now been 3 years since finishing university. I have a job I enjoy, have recently moved away from my parents' house to live with my sister, and yet have been drinking more than ever. The pub until lockdown was my second home. I would go 3 times a week, either alone or with a friend (and I loved going alone as I would sit and read) and drink between 10-14 units of spirits each time, usually with a meal.
Since lockdown, the drinking has continued at home and to an all-time high extent. I used to not be able to stomach a full 350ml bottle of whisky a few years ago, now I drink that 3 times per week (which equals 42 units). Although I admit I have been aware of my problem at the back of my mind for a few years now, because I was leaving usually at least 2-3 days between drinking I was not aware how much I was actually consuming and that it would be the equivalent of drinking 6 units a day. I know I am probably really obsessing over the units thing and that everybody handles alcohol differently, it has just been such a huge eye-opener for me.
I have recently been having really worrying symptoms - itchy palms first thing in the morning (lasts around 5-10 mins then goes away), more skin and hayfever allergies for the first time ever (including hive or heat rash type itchy bumps whenever I become warm), the more than occasional 'ache' in my right side the day after drinking (it feels like I have done sit ups the day before), very dry skin on my hands and palms which have scared me into seeking help from my GP and into wanting to give up alcohol for good. I genuinely do not know if I will be able to do it, or if I will be back to square one again in a few days or weeks time, but I have realised that I will never be a moderate drinker who can just have 1 or 2 and then stop. I will always want to drink until the alcohol literally runs out, I puke or become so dizzy I need to sleep. I also hate the person I become when drinking around other people - I talk absolute bull, regularly embarrass myself or become argumentative even with my closest friends. I feel as though if I do not stop now, this will just continue forever.
More so, I am terrified I have given myself liver disease or type 2 diabetes and am having blood samples taken tomorrow. My drinking unfortunately also leads to me overeating the next day to combat the hangover, and in the last 7 years I have literally almost doubled my body weight. The thought of waiting these next few days for the test results to come back really scares me, and I know I have done it to myself. I have been given many warnings by my family to slow down, but have never taken their advice, and if there is anything wrong I don't even know how to tell them.
After talking to the GP today and saying out loud that I have a big alcohol problem for the first time, I confided in my sister who was surprisingly supportive. She does not drink alcohol at all herself, so does not understand how I have gotten into this state, but did not chastise me like I thought she would, and she seemed happy that I said I was going to stop drinking.
While I am really scared, I am also worried about relapsing already (I last drank 4 days ago). Drinking on an evening, especially binging on a Friday or Saturday night would be something I looked forward to all week. I have heard some people with alcohol problems describe drinking as bringing everything into technicolour, and that is exactly how I would describe it. I usually drink and read as well as listening to music and it just made everything seem more vibrant - the words I was reading hit harder and the music hit deeper. I know I have every reason to stop (and, if something comes back on the test results I will probably be scared into it), but I worry that life won't be as satisfying without alcohol. I am sure a lot of people can relate to me on that and have hopefully overcome it. I keep thinking back to how I was before alcohol was part of my life (before the age of 19 or 20) and how I didn't feel I was missing out on anything - but it just seems really hard to believe right now.
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read this. I have been reading lots of stories on here and it really inspired me to seek help.
I am new here so don't really know where to start, I have been reading these posts for the last few days and decided to create an account.
Today I made a big step in admitting to both the doctor and my sister who I live with that I have an alcohol problem, particularly binge drinking. I have known in the back of my mind for a long time, but been in denial and now I am just very scared about what I have potentially done to my body over the past 8 years. I would describe myself as a university social drinker, who just never stopped after graduating and am no longer very social.
I am a female, just turned 27. I never drank other than the odd alcopop at Christmas until I was 19, just before starting university when I started going out about once a week with a friend, would drink to get a little drunk but never overdid it too much. During the first few months of university, as I am sure often happens, my alcohol consumption slowly increased, but as I was not drinking as much or as often as my peers, I did not see the problem. This continued into my second year, where I started drinking more (around a bottle of wine twice or three times a week or so) but again did not see the problem.
I started getting into serious trouble in my third year where I completed a year abroad in a country famous for its cheap alcohol. Away from home, I started having daily panic attacks which scared me half to death and even ended up in hospital on one occasion. Counterproductively, my drinking again slowly increased as I 1. used alcohol to drown out the symptoms (though they were always worse the next day) and 2. became addicted. I started drinking from shortly after waking up with my first meal (I used to wake up in the afternoons after staying up late at night, so the cafe owners did not bat an eyelid at serving me 2 or 3 prosecco cocktails), then would drink a soft drink or water before moving onto another bar and drinking 2 or 3 rum and cokes, again having a soft drink or water, and then finally hitting the final bar and having another 3 or so cocktails until I went back home and to bed. This was my almost daily routine for around 4 months (I would drink alcohol at least 5 days a week). I definitely recognised this wasn't healthy, but felt at the time it was comforting me through a hard time. I lived in a big old scary house and genuinely hated being at home which was where my panic attacks always took place, so staying out from when I woke up until I went to bed became almost a superstitious routine for me during the spring and summer months.
Fastforward to my final 2 years of university (I completed a MA so spent 5 years in total), I was probably drinking 2 bottles of wine or a 3litre cheap cider or 3/4 of a 350ml whisky at least 3-4 times per week. At some point I seemed to have overtaken my peers without realising it in terms of my drinking. I know I should not compare myself to other people, but it suddenly seemed shocking that the people I was friends with who drank so much during those first few years, were now slowing now and seemed in control.
It has now been 3 years since finishing university. I have a job I enjoy, have recently moved away from my parents' house to live with my sister, and yet have been drinking more than ever. The pub until lockdown was my second home. I would go 3 times a week, either alone or with a friend (and I loved going alone as I would sit and read) and drink between 10-14 units of spirits each time, usually with a meal.
Since lockdown, the drinking has continued at home and to an all-time high extent. I used to not be able to stomach a full 350ml bottle of whisky a few years ago, now I drink that 3 times per week (which equals 42 units). Although I admit I have been aware of my problem at the back of my mind for a few years now, because I was leaving usually at least 2-3 days between drinking I was not aware how much I was actually consuming and that it would be the equivalent of drinking 6 units a day. I know I am probably really obsessing over the units thing and that everybody handles alcohol differently, it has just been such a huge eye-opener for me.
I have recently been having really worrying symptoms - itchy palms first thing in the morning (lasts around 5-10 mins then goes away), more skin and hayfever allergies for the first time ever (including hive or heat rash type itchy bumps whenever I become warm), the more than occasional 'ache' in my right side the day after drinking (it feels like I have done sit ups the day before), very dry skin on my hands and palms which have scared me into seeking help from my GP and into wanting to give up alcohol for good. I genuinely do not know if I will be able to do it, or if I will be back to square one again in a few days or weeks time, but I have realised that I will never be a moderate drinker who can just have 1 or 2 and then stop. I will always want to drink until the alcohol literally runs out, I puke or become so dizzy I need to sleep. I also hate the person I become when drinking around other people - I talk absolute bull, regularly embarrass myself or become argumentative even with my closest friends. I feel as though if I do not stop now, this will just continue forever.
More so, I am terrified I have given myself liver disease or type 2 diabetes and am having blood samples taken tomorrow. My drinking unfortunately also leads to me overeating the next day to combat the hangover, and in the last 7 years I have literally almost doubled my body weight. The thought of waiting these next few days for the test results to come back really scares me, and I know I have done it to myself. I have been given many warnings by my family to slow down, but have never taken their advice, and if there is anything wrong I don't even know how to tell them.
After talking to the GP today and saying out loud that I have a big alcohol problem for the first time, I confided in my sister who was surprisingly supportive. She does not drink alcohol at all herself, so does not understand how I have gotten into this state, but did not chastise me like I thought she would, and she seemed happy that I said I was going to stop drinking.
While I am really scared, I am also worried about relapsing already (I last drank 4 days ago). Drinking on an evening, especially binging on a Friday or Saturday night would be something I looked forward to all week. I have heard some people with alcohol problems describe drinking as bringing everything into technicolour, and that is exactly how I would describe it. I usually drink and read as well as listening to music and it just made everything seem more vibrant - the words I was reading hit harder and the music hit deeper. I know I have every reason to stop (and, if something comes back on the test results I will probably be scared into it), but I worry that life won't be as satisfying without alcohol. I am sure a lot of people can relate to me on that and have hopefully overcome it. I keep thinking back to how I was before alcohol was part of my life (before the age of 19 or 20) and how I didn't feel I was missing out on anything - but it just seems really hard to believe right now.
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read this. I have been reading lots of stories on here and it really inspired me to seek help.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hi icing,
I'm glad you decided to join us. That's quite a story you have there, and it illustrates perfectly how this addiction always gets worse, never better if we keep drinking. I recognized a problem in myself at the same age as you are, but didn't deal with it then, so my hat is off to you for being much more brave and wise than I was.
It gets worse. Much much worse. So you are very smart to stop now.
There's no need for you to live in fear that you might drink again. You are the one and only person who has power over whether you yourself will ingest alcohol. What you might really fear (I certainly did) was living without that escape or release that only alcohol can deliver in that one particular way. I think that's a real thing - to me, nothing else feels the same as being drunk. Too bad, huh?
But here's the thing. Nothing else feels the same as the humiliation of living life with an always advancing pernicious addiction. Nothing else feels the same as the withdrawl and the fear of being detected as a drunk. Nothing else feels the same as the constant worry about what you may be doing to your body by continuing to ingest a toxic chemical. At least not to me. Nothing else stings me like forfeiting my own integrity for the right to drink. That's the kicker, right there. What's worse? Losing the unique buzz or losing the unique me?
I could go on, but I won't. I just wanted to say that you're not alone. It's a really difficult place you're in, but you should be proud of yourself for speaking up. Sure, you're gonna be scared. But think of that scared part as your addiction - that's the little needy kid who will whine and needle and cajole you to do something that's not right for you. You are the grown person who can be more stubborn than any little bratty kid could ever be.
You can do this!
You are doing this!
O
I'm glad you decided to join us. That's quite a story you have there, and it illustrates perfectly how this addiction always gets worse, never better if we keep drinking. I recognized a problem in myself at the same age as you are, but didn't deal with it then, so my hat is off to you for being much more brave and wise than I was.
It gets worse. Much much worse. So you are very smart to stop now.
There's no need for you to live in fear that you might drink again. You are the one and only person who has power over whether you yourself will ingest alcohol. What you might really fear (I certainly did) was living without that escape or release that only alcohol can deliver in that one particular way. I think that's a real thing - to me, nothing else feels the same as being drunk. Too bad, huh?
But here's the thing. Nothing else feels the same as the humiliation of living life with an always advancing pernicious addiction. Nothing else feels the same as the withdrawl and the fear of being detected as a drunk. Nothing else feels the same as the constant worry about what you may be doing to your body by continuing to ingest a toxic chemical. At least not to me. Nothing else stings me like forfeiting my own integrity for the right to drink. That's the kicker, right there. What's worse? Losing the unique buzz or losing the unique me?
I could go on, but I won't. I just wanted to say that you're not alone. It's a really difficult place you're in, but you should be proud of yourself for speaking up. Sure, you're gonna be scared. But think of that scared part as your addiction - that's the little needy kid who will whine and needle and cajole you to do something that's not right for you. You are the grown person who can be more stubborn than any little bratty kid could ever be.
You can do this!
You are doing this!
O
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
That could be my story but I started much younger and ignored it much longer.
I would not worry too much about the medical tests, my bet is that even if there is something at this stage it will be reversible.
But I hope you will take the chance to stop now. I wasted about more 20+ years from where you are trying to convince myself and others that I could control what anyone could see I could not, and outsourcing my emotional regulation.
Obladi's point that "Nothing else stings me like forfeiting my own integrity for the right to drink" really hits it on the head for me.
I would suggest checking out Hip Sobriety and Annie Grace's website and book. They both stopped around your age and have great insights. I took the Hip Sobriety online course and found it helpful.
You are worth it.
I would not worry too much about the medical tests, my bet is that even if there is something at this stage it will be reversible.
But I hope you will take the chance to stop now. I wasted about more 20+ years from where you are trying to convince myself and others that I could control what anyone could see I could not, and outsourcing my emotional regulation.
Obladi's point that "Nothing else stings me like forfeiting my own integrity for the right to drink" really hits it on the head for me.
I would suggest checking out Hip Sobriety and Annie Grace's website and book. They both stopped around your age and have great insights. I took the Hip Sobriety online course and found it helpful.
You are worth it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
It is really amazing that you are coming to this realization in your 20s and taking steps. Many people drink 30+ years before they get a handle on it and many never do so you have already surpassed many people. The most important thing is that if you do slip you just get right back on the wagon. Some of us took a few times to get it right. Stay here and post often. One thing is for sure, if you don't quit you have some potential bad things that will happen to you. Read around on the forum a bit and you'll hear stories. Finally, at your age I am pretty confident you will come back with good health numbers but DON"T fall for the trap of celebrating that with a drink. Welcome to SR.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 12
Thanks all for the support.
I did actually subscribe to Annie Grace's website about 2 months ago (I think I was drunk at the time and probably on my last shot of the night and feeling sorry for myself), but then kept getting angry when I was getting emails popping up pretty much every day I was planning on drinking. (Did not stop me though! Should have taken it as a sign).
I did actually subscribe to Annie Grace's website about 2 months ago (I think I was drunk at the time and probably on my last shot of the night and feeling sorry for myself), but then kept getting angry when I was getting emails popping up pretty much every day I was planning on drinking. (Did not stop me though! Should have taken it as a sign).
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,944
Originally Posted by icingsugar 
After talking to the GP today and saying out loud that I have a big alcohol problem for the first time, I confided in my sister who was surprisingly supportive. She does not drink alcohol at all herself, so does not understand how I have gotten into this state, but did not chastise me like I thought she would, and she seemed happy that I said I was going to stop drinking.
You’re definitely drinking too much and it’s not making you happy. You’re dependent on alcohol too now unfortunately so giving up won’t be much fun, but take it from me that giving up 100% is miles easier than trying to moderate or having a “reward” after x number of days or weeks. Anyone who does that will never give up. The weight gain is unfortunate, but you’ll be presently surprised how much weight comes off when all the booze is taken out of the equation.
I drank between 50 to 70 units a week for well over a decade and was obese. I started by cutting down on booze which worked in that I wasn’t pouring so much crap down my throat, but I always felt I wanted more. Saying that, the positive was the weight came off, and I was 20Kg less within a few months. I later had to quit drinking altogether as the cravings after a small glass of wine were too overpowering.
As for the liver health, you should get away with it like I did (fatty liver diagnosed by ultrasound) but see what the results say. You’ve done absolutely the right thing by seeing the GP. Well done on 4 days.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
Welcome icingsugar,
I understand well the fear that comes with recognizing your drinking is spiraling out of control. You are wise to take notice. It is entirely too easy to bury your head in the sand while the decades fly by and things get worse.
I found keeping it simple early on helped immensely. I made a point to eat early (as I preferred my alcohol on an empty stomach), and started walking in the evenings when I would usually be drinking. Anything to break the pattern.
Sobriety gave me back my dignity. I lost weight, got in shape, and became someone I don’t mind seeing in the mirror.
It’s tough, but so worth it. You have a wonderful opportunity ahead.
Best wishes with the doc.
-bora
I understand well the fear that comes with recognizing your drinking is spiraling out of control. You are wise to take notice. It is entirely too easy to bury your head in the sand while the decades fly by and things get worse.
I found keeping it simple early on helped immensely. I made a point to eat early (as I preferred my alcohol on an empty stomach), and started walking in the evenings when I would usually be drinking. Anything to break the pattern.
Sobriety gave me back my dignity. I lost weight, got in shape, and became someone I don’t mind seeing in the mirror.
It’s tough, but so worth it. You have a wonderful opportunity ahead.
Best wishes with the doc.
-bora
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 464
Welcome!
I have two tibits from a guy who drank for decades and finally quit.
- If you think you have a drinking problem...you DO have a drinking problem.
- Don't be like many of us and work to quit the alcohol habit at the 11th hour. Now is the best time to start.
You're on the right track, and it's great that folks are stepping up to support you! Stick with it!
I have two tibits from a guy who drank for decades and finally quit.
- If you think you have a drinking problem...you DO have a drinking problem.
- Don't be like many of us and work to quit the alcohol habit at the 11th hour. Now is the best time to start.
You're on the right track, and it's great that folks are stepping up to support you! Stick with it!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Wonderful to have you with us, icing. You will never regret taking action now. You'll won't spend decades of your life trying to control your drinking the way I did.
Stay with us - we're here to encourage and help you over the rough spots.
Stay with us - we're here to encourage and help you over the rough spots.
Coffee Snob
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 808
Welcome Icing!
It's good you are getting checked out, but I wouldn't sweat the medical stuff too much. If I'm healthy, (which I consider to be nothing short of divine intervention) I'm sure you are just fine.
It can get a whole lot worse. Better quit while you're ahead and save yourself a lot of unnecessary pain and misery.
It's good you are getting checked out, but I wouldn't sweat the medical stuff too much. If I'm healthy, (which I consider to be nothing short of divine intervention) I'm sure you are just fine.
It can get a whole lot worse. Better quit while you're ahead and save yourself a lot of unnecessary pain and misery.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Welcome, I think the most important thing you said was that you hated the person you become when you drink. I absolutely hated the person I became when I drank, too, and it's an awful way to live.
I think that all of us here don't think we'll ever be able to find happiness in life when we give up alcohol. But, that is most likely your alcholic mind messing with you and trying to keep you hooked.
I'm glad you've talked to your doctor and sister. I hope you continue to read and post because there is lots of support here.
I think that all of us here don't think we'll ever be able to find happiness in life when we give up alcohol. But, that is most likely your alcholic mind messing with you and trying to keep you hooked.
I'm glad you've talked to your doctor and sister. I hope you continue to read and post because there is lots of support here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Originally Posted by icingsugar
While I am really scared, I am also worried about relapsing already (I last drank 4 days ago). Drinking on an evening, especially binging on a Friday or Saturday night would be something I looked forward to all week. I have heard some people with alcohol problems describe drinking as bringing everything into technicolour, and that is exactly how I would describe it. I usually drink and read as well as listening to music and it just made everything seem more vibrant - the words I was reading hit harder and the music hit deeper. I know I have every reason to stop (and, if something comes back on the test results I will probably be scared into it), but I worry that life won't be as satisfying without alcohol. I am sure a lot of people can relate to me on that and have hopefully overcome it. I keep thinking back to how I was before alcohol was part of my life (before the age of 19 or 20) and how I didn't feel I was missing out on anything - but it just seems really hard to believe right now.
I had terrible liver numbers when I confessed to my GP and did the tests - I actually had bad numbers for a couple of years beforehand. But they came right down to normal after 3 months of sobriety. The body can handle a lot, so I would be cautiously optimistic in your shoes. I now look after my body as best as I can after abusing it for so many years with alcohol.
I also had the idea that life was richer when I drank, but it was a very superficial view. Life is richer in a deeper way in sobriety. Firstly, I can enjoy music and books in a truly textured way now. I can remember plot lines and lyrics. But also, living life like I was was a kind of escapism - skating along on how buzzed I felt momentarily but blocking out stuff I was too terrified to face. With sobriety, I had to address my inner fears, soothe my inner child and work on the things I was running away from. I don't need to obliterate myself with alcohol to find peace and calm now.
It's a place worth fighting to get to because it's not temporary and it is real, not illusory.
I completely understand that it's hard to believe it at the moment - I wouldn't believe it either but I committed to sobriety knowing that my health and wellbeing needed me to and taking a chance that somehow I would find that place of peace and calm if I kept going. It worked and I found it.
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
When I was right around your age I had problems with my drinking too. I went in for an ultrasound and no issues were found. I had been chugging water and cranberry juice to clean out my system but went back to binge drinking soon after.
For me the danger was in the fear of the bad news and the arrival of good news. Hearing that there was seemingly nothing wrong with me just led to more drinking. That was about 14 years ago.
I am just now getting sober again after a few serious attempts and countless half-hearted ones. Being a binger can be tricky I think because I had time where I wasn't drinking naturally. I pretty much stayed with the same frequency over the years (still way too much) but I know many of us increased over time.
Keep posting! 🙂
For me the danger was in the fear of the bad news and the arrival of good news. Hearing that there was seemingly nothing wrong with me just led to more drinking. That was about 14 years ago.
I am just now getting sober again after a few serious attempts and countless half-hearted ones. Being a binger can be tricky I think because I had time where I wasn't drinking naturally. I pretty much stayed with the same frequency over the years (still way too much) but I know many of us increased over time.
Keep posting! 🙂
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Welcome.
I agree the smart thing to do is quit now. This is a progressive disease that will only get worse.
listen to your body and get healthy
These forums have sure helped me. I have relapsed many times but not as much as I was without the forums and AA.
I agree the smart thing to do is quit now. This is a progressive disease that will only get worse.
listen to your body and get healthy
These forums have sure helped me. I have relapsed many times but not as much as I was without the forums and AA.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 134
Hey Icing
I was also a pub-reader and was terrified that quitting alcohol would take out two of my favourite hobbies in one fell swoop.
I can relate to the technicolour analogy, but after 50 days sober, I'm coming to find that reading is much more rewarding with a clear head. No, I didn't believe it would be either!
Oh, and congrats on achieving your MA during your drinking days - it proves you've got the grit required to beat this.
I was also a pub-reader and was terrified that quitting alcohol would take out two of my favourite hobbies in one fell swoop.
I can relate to the technicolour analogy, but after 50 days sober, I'm coming to find that reading is much more rewarding with a clear head. No, I didn't believe it would be either!
Oh, and congrats on achieving your MA during your drinking days - it proves you've got the grit required to beat this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 27
Hi Icing
The fact that you've admitted to yourself that you've got this problem, that you've been to the doctor and you've confided in a family member, is a huge achievement. I know it must seem insupportable to wait for the drs. results but even if the results are very reassuring, you know that you still have some serious reactions to the drinking and that right there is a great excuse to stop. Believe me, life is so much better without the alcohol, you're worried that everything will seem slow and drab but the serenity, clear thoughts, high cognitive functioning, better sleep (yay!) is SO worth it. You'll probably lose weight (another yay!) and have so much more energy. I could go on and on with the advantages.
Let's do this!!
The fact that you've admitted to yourself that you've got this problem, that you've been to the doctor and you've confided in a family member, is a huge achievement. I know it must seem insupportable to wait for the drs. results but even if the results are very reassuring, you know that you still have some serious reactions to the drinking and that right there is a great excuse to stop. Believe me, life is so much better without the alcohol, you're worried that everything will seem slow and drab but the serenity, clear thoughts, high cognitive functioning, better sleep (yay!) is SO worth it. You'll probably lose weight (another yay!) and have so much more energy. I could go on and on with the advantages.
Let's do this!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 67
I have never heard the analogy of drinking alcohol bringing everything into technicolour, but I couldn't agree more. That's definitely how it was for me. When I first stopped drinking, things did feel a little flat, less exciting. Eventually my brain seems to have calibrated and I don't feel that activities are boring without alcohol anymore. On the contrary, I find books and music to be as stimulating as ever and feel a depth of real, lasting emotion. I can read something powerful and find the memory of reading it just as powerful the next day or the next week, that never happened when I was drinking. I always just felt dark and empty afterwards. Now, everything in my life is a lot more consistent and generally positive. It was hard getting through those first months but I had also read a lot on here and knew that I would eventually find my life much more fulfilling without having alcohol in it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,408
Great post. You’ve obviously got a serious issue with alcohol that will destroy you as a consequence. It’s imperative to act on this opportunity to get sober and into recovery. There is a solution and a wonderful life available in sobriety and recovery. It’s not easy but it’s absolutely worth it.
ps- it gets easier over time.
ps- it gets easier over time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 12
Thanks all for the support. I think while we may all start drinking for different reasons, it's alarming how much everyone seems to have in common as to how drink makes them feel and how quickly it can escalate. I know the whole 'addictive personality' thing is seen by some people to be bull, but I definitely fail in a lot of other areas of life. I smoke too much and spend money excessively. I luckily have never discovered gambling or drugs, because I know that would be a huge downfall too. I think 'instant gratification' on making myself feel better at every turn, whether it's having a drink (or fourteen) at the end of the week to reward myself for a hard week's work, or clicking 'buy it now' on an expensive item online, is a huge issue for me. And really, I don't know why because while I have gone through periods of anxiety and severe depression (especially during my year abroad I mentioned), I don't have a terrible life, and generally my mental health is at the moment okay (lockdown at the beginning was hard, but other than that I'm fine.)
I know it's going to be really hard giving up alcohol. While it's only been a few days, I have already experienced some increased anxiety but I have been going for walks in the evening like someone above suggested and have been eating healthier. Yesterday, my sister joined me which was really nice. I have also been sleeping better and getting up early/going to bed at a decent time. The worst thing is I work with young people (teenagers) and literally tell them these things all the time about improving health and wellbeing as well as mental health, and yet I never take my own advice.
I know it's going to be really hard giving up alcohol. While it's only been a few days, I have already experienced some increased anxiety but I have been going for walks in the evening like someone above suggested and have been eating healthier. Yesterday, my sister joined me which was really nice. I have also been sleeping better and getting up early/going to bed at a decent time. The worst thing is I work with young people (teenagers) and literally tell them these things all the time about improving health and wellbeing as well as mental health, and yet I never take my own advice.
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