Newcomer - introducing myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 8
Newcomer - introducing myself
I am new here and on Day 6 since my last drink. I’ve been reading the posts in the background but decided it’s time for me to share my story, which I hope by “putting it out there” will make me more accountable for my decisions and give me something to look back on, if times get tough. I’ll keep it as brief as possible!
I am/was a “wine o’clock” person. 6pm after a day at work I’d pop the cork of a bottle of prosecco and consume whilst cooking dinner for the family and then whilst watching TV until 9pm when I’d flop into bed. For me, this was my reward for a busy day and I thought helped me cope with the stresses and strains of being a busy working Mum. Most days it was one bottle, but often it headed to 1.5 bottles. I’ve been doing this for more years than I can remember. Weekends I "allowed" myself to start earlier once the chores were done. My pre-pandemic social life revolved around drinking with friends and more often than not, Saturday mornings were a wash out as I was hungover. In social situations I don’t seem to have an off switch.
Why am I choosing a different path now? We were at a socially distanced BBQ with friends recently and someone took a video of us all and shared it via our WhatsApp friend group and I was disgusted by what I saw. I was swaying and slurring my words and I looked like s**t. That started a series of thoughts which led me to investigate another way of life. I am currently working my way through “Sober in Seven” and something just finally clicked.
I am SICK and TIRED of looking and feeling like crap, I am SICK and TIRED of the guilt and shame for the number of times I couldn’t remember things, and worse for the times I could! Another significant thing that struck me is that in my life never has an occasion/situation been improved by drinking, so why do/did I do it!! I'm sure many of you will relate to this, I still feel so ashamed of my behaviour and causing unecessary worry to people after injuring myself whilst off my head.
Whether it’s alcoholism or problem drinking, I don’t know, and I don’t personally feel like I need to label it. What I do know is that I don’t want to do it anymore. Day 6 and I think I got off lightly, since my last drink I’ve “only” had some insomnia, crazy dreams, indigestion and bloating, but these are much better already. My next challenge is working out how to still have a different social life, but I’m not stressing about that for now.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and best wishes to you all on your journey.
I am/was a “wine o’clock” person. 6pm after a day at work I’d pop the cork of a bottle of prosecco and consume whilst cooking dinner for the family and then whilst watching TV until 9pm when I’d flop into bed. For me, this was my reward for a busy day and I thought helped me cope with the stresses and strains of being a busy working Mum. Most days it was one bottle, but often it headed to 1.5 bottles. I’ve been doing this for more years than I can remember. Weekends I "allowed" myself to start earlier once the chores were done. My pre-pandemic social life revolved around drinking with friends and more often than not, Saturday mornings were a wash out as I was hungover. In social situations I don’t seem to have an off switch.
Why am I choosing a different path now? We were at a socially distanced BBQ with friends recently and someone took a video of us all and shared it via our WhatsApp friend group and I was disgusted by what I saw. I was swaying and slurring my words and I looked like s**t. That started a series of thoughts which led me to investigate another way of life. I am currently working my way through “Sober in Seven” and something just finally clicked.
I am SICK and TIRED of looking and feeling like crap, I am SICK and TIRED of the guilt and shame for the number of times I couldn’t remember things, and worse for the times I could! Another significant thing that struck me is that in my life never has an occasion/situation been improved by drinking, so why do/did I do it!! I'm sure many of you will relate to this, I still feel so ashamed of my behaviour and causing unecessary worry to people after injuring myself whilst off my head.
Whether it’s alcoholism or problem drinking, I don’t know, and I don’t personally feel like I need to label it. What I do know is that I don’t want to do it anymore. Day 6 and I think I got off lightly, since my last drink I’ve “only” had some insomnia, crazy dreams, indigestion and bloating, but these are much better already. My next challenge is working out how to still have a different social life, but I’m not stressing about that for now.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and best wishes to you all on your journey.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: East Midlands
Posts: 35
Hi BritGal, well done on your 6 days! Also, well done on wanting to change your drinking habits. I would imagine that the crazy dreams and sleeping will settle down in a few days. I usually find around week 3 everything starts to click. Stay close to the forums, it really does help. Good luck on your journey 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,425
Hi britgal 
You sound much the same as I did six months ago when I found SR in the middle of a sleepless night on day 5. Sick of making an idiot of myself at social events, sick of the enormity of the guilt.
SR and the wonderful people here have helped change my life to one without drinking.
Stick around. Post often. You can explore and share the reasons that you have placed such a high value on your bottle opener, and thereby eliminate its power over you. You can learn about how the AV works, and be ready to stomp its guts out when it comes calling.
Soon your head will be clear of the guilt/anxiety/fear/resentments that have reinforced the cycle of destruction.
You sound much the same as I did six months ago when I found SR in the middle of a sleepless night on day 5. Sick of making an idiot of myself at social events, sick of the enormity of the guilt.
SR and the wonderful people here have helped change my life to one without drinking.
Stick around. Post often. You can explore and share the reasons that you have placed such a high value on your bottle opener, and thereby eliminate its power over you. You can learn about how the AV works, and be ready to stomp its guts out when it comes calling.
Soon your head will be clear of the guilt/anxiety/fear/resentments that have reinforced the cycle of destruction.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
Welcome BritGal,
Former wine drinker here. I coasted along for many years at the 1-2 bottle a night level, but as I made my way through my 40’s things started to change. Scary stuff...it truly is progressive.
Agree. I continued to drink for many a year while I pondered the question, “Am I an alcoholic?” The idea of alcoholism/problem drinking being on a spectrum makes sense to me. I can look at the experiences of others and see where I was, and where I was heading. I didn’t have to experience more devastating consequences to know and accept I was circling the drain.
It took time, but I can now do all the things from my previous inebriated life. Lots of firsts...first sober birthday, Christmas, first sober “wait at the bar for your table”, etc. Do it once, and it is just your life. Your sober, peaceful life.
We drink because there is a benefit...the brief feeling of release. The key for me was accepting that the price for that momentary relief was entirely too high.
Best wishes!
-bora
Former wine drinker here. I coasted along for many years at the 1-2 bottle a night level, but as I made my way through my 40’s things started to change. Scary stuff...it truly is progressive.
Whether it’s alcoholism or problem drinking, I don’t know, and I don’t personally feel like I need to label it.
My next challenge is working out how to still have a different social life, but I’m not stressing about that for now.
We drink because there is a benefit...the brief feeling of release. The key for me was accepting that the price for that momentary relief was entirely too high.
Best wishes!
-bora
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,942
Sounds like the old me and many others here.
You’re right to be concerned and well done for the 6 days and realising it’s not a good way to continue. Some people (me) became dependent on alcohol so got super agitated when we quit, not being able to sleep and craving for a drink for the first few weeks. You don’t sound like you’ve got to that stage thankfully.
Maybe you haven’t crossed the line into dependence so if not there’s no reason why you couldn’t drink within the UK 14 unit weekly limit. But (there’s always a but) I tried that and felt it was a minuscule and unsatisfying quantity of wine, e.g. 5 small glasses a week, and I always wanted more. That’s a warning sign of alcohol dependency. If you feel like that, quitting is the only way.
I have a way better social life and can stuff my face as I don’t put weight on now I’m not drinking. I even enjoy alcohol free beer and white wine on occasions. My friends think it’s great.
You’re right to be concerned and well done for the 6 days and realising it’s not a good way to continue. Some people (me) became dependent on alcohol so got super agitated when we quit, not being able to sleep and craving for a drink for the first few weeks. You don’t sound like you’ve got to that stage thankfully.
Maybe you haven’t crossed the line into dependence so if not there’s no reason why you couldn’t drink within the UK 14 unit weekly limit. But (there’s always a but) I tried that and felt it was a minuscule and unsatisfying quantity of wine, e.g. 5 small glasses a week, and I always wanted more. That’s a warning sign of alcohol dependency. If you feel like that, quitting is the only way.
I have a way better social life and can stuff my face as I don’t put weight on now I’m not drinking. I even enjoy alcohol free beer and white wine on occasions. My friends think it’s great.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,157
Welcome britgal!
You have come to the right place.
Maybe Join a "Class" on here to interact with others at the same stage you are in.
You would be in July's Class.
I am in January and it has been an invaluable resource to he able to talk with others at the same stage.
There is also a thread for those with under a year of sobriety. I am in that also. Great people in both!
My last, most important IMO, piece of advice is if you feel the urge to drink come here.
Read, post, whatever, but taking the time to come here when feeling bad has helped me and countless others.
Good luck and keep coming back
You have come to the right place.
Maybe Join a "Class" on here to interact with others at the same stage you are in.
You would be in July's Class.
I am in January and it has been an invaluable resource to he able to talk with others at the same stage.
There is also a thread for those with under a year of sobriety. I am in that also. Great people in both!
My last, most important IMO, piece of advice is if you feel the urge to drink come here.
Read, post, whatever, but taking the time to come here when feeling bad has helped me and countless others.
Good luck and keep coming back
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,157
Also as hodd said my social life is 1,000 times better without drinking.
When I was drinking I pretty much didn't have one anymore.
Now I have new folks I can call friends that I never would have met if I was sitting home drinking.
My relationship with my existing friends has improved also as I am Here, the Real me, not the guy just trudging through waiting for beer 30.
Some drink, some don't but they know me as a non drinker so that helps me also.
When I was drinking I pretty much didn't have one anymore.
Now I have new folks I can call friends that I never would have met if I was sitting home drinking.
My relationship with my existing friends has improved also as I am Here, the Real me, not the guy just trudging through waiting for beer 30.
Some drink, some don't but they know me as a non drinker so that helps me also.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Welcome BritGal. Sounds like you are ready for a change. I am an alcoholic but if you aren't ready to label anything, you don't have to. You realize that alcohol is causing you health problems and social problems and that is all you really need to know. Your social life will change some but it will be for the better. And at least you can still choose that route. By the time I quit drinking I had driven everyone in my life away and was sitting alone in a dirty house with no friends or family to speak of. So, there are worse things than having to rethink socializing.
SR is a great place to get some support.
SR is a great place to get some support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 8
Wow, thank you all so much for your helpful comments, I truly appreciate it. I am glad I took the plunge and posted for the first time and I can see this is a great place for support and encouragement. I'll head on over to the July class :-) Feeling positive and empowered right now and determined for it to stay that way.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I'm glad to hear you're feeling positive and empowered.
Good job on getting through Day 6 of sobriety. And, you're right, the job now will be to make changes in your life to support your recovery.
Good job on getting through Day 6 of sobriety. And, you're right, the job now will be to make changes in your life to support your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: Warrington UK
Posts: 121
Hi Britgal, like you I'm a mum and I'm also a 'brit gal' sounds like your drinking is starting to become a problem for you. I have recovered and relapsed a lot, I am currently on day 7. I know that guilt and shame only too well, it will fade if we continue on sober track, I hope to see you over on the class of July :-)
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Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Originally Posted by Hodd 
Maybe you haven’t crossed the line into dependence so if not there’s no reason why you couldn’t drink within the UK 14 unit weekly limit. But (there’s always a but) I tried that and felt it was a minuscule and unsatisfying quantity of wine, e.g. 5 small glasses a week, and I always wanted more. That’s a warning sign of alcohol dependency. If you feel like that, quitting is the only way.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,942
Originally Posted by Anna
I tried to moderate my drinking for a long time and it was painful. I wouldn't recommend trying to moderate.
I know a guy who’s as dependent as I ever was if not more. He sticks religiously to the UK recommendation of 14 units a week (the equivalent of about one and a half bottles of wine a week), but he literally sits on his hands fretting once his weekly quota has gone. All he’s thinking about is the following week when he can start again. I pointed out if he has the strength to do that every week - and it has to be said that’s a Herculean effort - imagine if he directed all that determination and effort into something productive. Needless to say, any special occasion means the 14 unit limit is forgotten about. It’s really painful to witness and totally unsustainable long term.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
That's similar to what happened with me, Hodd. I thought about and planned my drinking all day and night. My mind was in a constant loop of when and how much I could next drink. It was exhausting.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Welcome britgal, lots of great suggestions already. You are having a bit of a withdrawal. It may be important to label it in some way. Stay away from rationalizations that you aren't as bad as other people etc. If you came here you have gone down the path far enough to warrant quitting entirely and you are already feeling how much better life is without poison. Really, when you stop to think about it, alcohol is just poison in any amount. The body treats it that way. Keep posting here and I will see you in the july class. I am at the same point as you a week in today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 8
Thanks again to all for your wise words. Day 7 now. Didn't sleep very well last night, my mind was whirring, mainly reflecting on all the stupid things (the things I can remember anyway) that I did whilst drunk. I guess that's not a bad thing, it just serves as a very real reminder why I have chosen to change my life. I also just wanted to add that it is not in my plan to try to become a "moderate" drinker. I know that won't work, it might do for a while but the poison will eventually take over again and I'll be back where I started. I can't let that happen. Coming here is so helpful - no fear of judgement, just honesty and kindness which we all need to help us succeed.
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