Steely

A big welcome to you BritGal.

And congratulations on your 7 days. I'm nearly seven months, and it is sooo much better.

Crumbs, some of the things I've done! It's good to know they are now in the past. I now have a future.

MissPerfumado

Welcome Britgal,

Your drinking sounds a bit like mine was. Daily consumption of about 1.5 bottles of wine after work, more on weekends, no off-switch when drinking socially, lots of embarrassing moments shrugged off, being always the person who could drink the most at events, and did... and on and on. No obvious damage outwardly but a knowing inside that this was not a good thing.

What I did experience in the final year or so of drinking was shakiness and heart palpitations in the mornings (signs of withdrawal and physical dependency), liver aches, bad allergic reactions, and a lot of gastro problems. These were early signs of physical damage and if I had kept going, my health would surely have deteriorated quickly.

I had similar withdrawals symptoms when I got sober - sleeplessness and funny dreams. I also had occasional spasms or twitches when trying to fall asleep, which I have since found out are also a sign of withdrawal. But I kind of got of lightly too.

I know I am an alcoholic and I know I was drinking alcoholically. 1.5 bottles of wine a day is drinking alcoholically.

You may have people in your life who try to convince you that you're over-reacting. I did. But I was crystal-clear that I had a problem and had to stop and did not entertain doubts that I had to do it. That attitude of owning my alcoholism and knowing it would kill me if I didn't achieve sobriety was critical in my staying stopped.

I don't want to come off like I am lecturing, because I can see you realise clearly you are at a point where sobriety is a very good idea or you will certainly end up in a far, far worse place. I would recommend taking it very seriously, reading around and creating a plan. If your socialising (like mine did) centres around alcoholic, then you are right that you will need to address it at some point. I avoided many, many social events for the first few months, but did have a plan for the handful I felt I had to attend.

Anyway, sorry for the long treatise. Welcome to SR!! I was really lucky to find this place because it helped reinforce I had a problem, and gave me so many tools to stay stopped.

NONIA

Glad you are here girl .
Many ,altruistic people here !

brighterday1234

There is an amazing, rich and meaningful life available in sobriety and recovery. My sobriety and recovery has given me a wonderful life and each day I’m truly grateful to be sober. It is absolutely possible.

Sober45

YES! don't be foolish like me. I spent way too many years trying to moderate. All it did was suck up my energy and I DID end up worse at the end of the day....much worse.

I'm a mom who lived the "wine-o-clock" lifestyle and drank to no end on weekends. Started making my own wine a few years back to save money and I'm sure you can guess where that led. I ended up isolating myself and drinking alone. I'll I wanted was drink.

At six months sober I now know a lot of what I was feeling was actually caused by withdrawals. Everyday at work, I was in withdraw. It wasn't until about the 5th month of sobriety that I really started to feel alive again. (although I did feel strong right from day 1)

One thing that keeps me going is remembering how bad it was. It seems like you had an epiphany when you saw the video of yourself. I wouldn't lock it away because recalling a memory like that can be invaluable to keeping you sober in the early days.

Welcome aboard!

DriGuy

That was a great introduction. I remember that disgust with myself creeping into my life. Instead of being that "work hard and party hard" guy I wanted to be, I started seeing myself as a pitiful drunk and started realizing others probably saw me that way too. If I would have seen videos of myself drunk, I would have probably quit sooner. I would rather be anything other than a guy that was pitiful. Please don't let me be a pitiful person. I actually get a shudder just thinking about that.

You are facing a future that can be much more fulfilling and not the sacrifice you think. There's nothing wrong with not drinking. The reward for me became NOT drinking. As a practicing alcoholic, it's hard to understand what a potentially bright future lies ahead when you quit. I wish you the best.

boreas

I kept notes once I sobered up, jotting down everything that came to mind about falls, drunk texts, physical changes, etc. Just a simple thing in a note app. I also copied into it wisdom I saw here, or stories I related to.

The surprising thing was, taken as a whole, I wasn’t nearly as “functional” as I liked to think. Alcoholic drinking is so insidious...you normalize so much over time that you end up in a place you never meant to go. I think I had to sober up and look reality in the face with a clear head to understand where I was, and where I was heading without change.

Any sane person would look at my notes and say, “Yup. Alcoholic.” But I couldn’t see it until later.

-bora