thomas11

HI, so yeah I have been out of the loop for awhile. I am doing ok, I am back to a routine that could spin out of control which means Friday night I have a few drinks ,and Saturday I drink too much. I don't want sympathy or advice, nor do I think I need any. I am fully aware of my situation, I chose this path. Yes, I need to get back to sobriety, but at the moment this "program" works. We fight the good fight, right? We are imperfect beings and I am no different. I will simply try to improve the person I am, and I will. Just not today. Hope everyone is well.

MaximusD

Welcome back Thomas. I hope you saw all the comments in your other thread and people posting for you. Lots of people are rooting for you.

SnazzyDresser

While you continue to drink and continue to rationalize your drinking, I can't really see how you're fighting the good fight, buddy.

Gabe1980

Hey...it's good to see you back. When you are ready to give it another shot, we will all be here for that sympathy and advice. I certainly needed plenty of that and it made all the difference.

lessgravity

Honestly that's a real bummer to hear. Put it down man. Nothing good comes of this.

Aellyce

Good to hear you are alive, Jeff. So what are you looking for from us?

thomas11

Let me ask you guys this, I'm at a point where I live most of my life in a sober state of mind. I drink late Friday and Saturday. Now what if I didn't drink alcohol at all but I did mushrooms or smoked pot or some other drug. Would that be better? Would that be acceptable? What if no one knew? I could log on to this site and pound my chest about being sober, but not really. right?

thomas11

Life is full of disappointments lessgravity. You know that as much as anyone.

thomas11

Why do I need to be looking for something? I'm just being present, in a community in which I trust. I'm not looking for anything right now. But thank you. Jeff.

Surrendered19

I'm glad to see you back Jeff. Being sober has never been a requirement to be part of this community. I want you to stay here and hang out sober, drunk, hung over, screwed, blued or tattooed. Awesome to see the digital you again.

Nathan57

I think the difference is this is a forum devoted to complete sobriety, not moderation. I tried to bargain with it too, I'd only drink on weekends, I'd only have a few beers, and it ALWAYS ended in a disaster. It has for you in the past and it will again. I lost everything I valued before I finally quit. I hope that doesn't happen to you, but I see another bender/meltdown/possible jail-time coming in your future if you keep drinking.

Anna

Jeff, I'm sorry you're drinking. You seem to feel you have things controlled right now, but I know personally that it's so easy to lose control.

anxiousrock

Good to see you back. I love the forums here too.

D122y

If I didn't have the hells I did I would be drunk right now.

I might be dead or paralyzed.

If you can control your drinking and it is not destroying your life...enjoy.

Drinking just 2 days a week never worked for me. I drank off and on. Sometimes every day, sometimes nothing for days.

I think that was part of why I had so much trouble quitting.

Are you mixing meds with booze?

Thanks.

turniptheheat

I did the same kind of program as you're doing for about a year and a half. It worked until it didn't. Then all hell broke loose. It was a very painful learning experience for me. However, it brought me to AA's doors beaten and broken and willing to do whatever it took to get sober. While I was extraordinarily skeptical of the program, it worked as I worked through the steps. Wishing you the best.

Dee74

I'm really sorry to read this Jeff.

You know full well that you're never really in control of your drinking.
I understand you feel this is the easiest option for you right now, but it's not going to stay that way, bud.

D

MissPerfumado

Hey Jeff, I wandered back to SR after an absence of many months. This is a truly lovely place, and it's like a glimpse of what humanity really should be like. Everyone is heard, everyone is important, no-one gets left behind ... on SR as it should be everywhere. So it's good you came back.

I'm with Anna and Dee. When I read your words, I immediately thought that your 'program' is unlikely to stay within the boundaries you've set for long. But I can see you know this too. So the sooner you start working for full sobriety, the better.

I think it's gotta be real soon, personally.

Stay on SR. It's good to see you.

Kdon853

It sounds enticing, going back to how it used to be for me the Fri. and Sat. drunk long time ago but it was fun. The hell came later and it lasted along time. I’m glad I put it down. No advice here , stay safe.

lessgravity

No question pal. But I also know that I prefer to live on this side of causing more unnecessary misery. Hope to see you here soon.

RecklessDrunk

I thought had mastered drinking 2 nights a week. Most of the time I would actually do just that. I could go months at a time without upsetting the schedule. I would follow an absolutely insane diet schedule all week and run and lift weights so that I could stay in shape and still drink. I could go years at a time without even a sick day from work. This was going on into my early 40s and was the general pattern since my late 20s, though I didn't get back into hard drugs until my mid or late 30s. Drugs were abundant in my life through my teen and early 20s. I was 9 years old when I first tried marijuana. An active alcoholic at 14, but was so terrified of a life without alcohol that I "moderated" to continue drinking into my 40s. I ended up moderating myself right out of a lot of good things in life.

One of the problems was my allergy to alcohol. Most of the time nothing happens. The problem with people like me, with a name like reckless drunk, when I drink it's a time bomb.

Next problem is that obsession. The obsession is always strong, how many times it comes calling mid week. How easy it is to get in a rut. Day going too good, day going too bad, favorite football team plays on a weeknight, coworker's b day lunch. While moderating the obsession stays in tip top shape!

Even after the hangover the anxiety and depression can linger. That's the true effect I think of the alcohol. The buzz is just its cover.

I use to take this anti depressant when I was a kid. I was 14, a little before I became what I considered an active alcoholic. I take this pill and I'm like this is just some junk. I take and feel nothing. Not like the pot I smoke with my buddies. This is just some doctor scam but if it keeps my mom off my back it's no problem to pop this stupid pill. Over time, the way body reacted to it. It took months to see what was happening. I ended up in the worst cloud of depression I could imagine. I couldn't feel the true effect of the medicine right away but longer term it was accumulating in my system and making me miserable. That's what I think alcohol does. You dont see it, you see a buzz right away but its actually doing the opposite longer term. It turns short term comfort and confidence into longer term anxiety and depression. Its a losing equation.

Most of the time nothing happens. That's a problem, nothing happens. Time is wasted. I dont have to time to take care of so many small things. Cleaning up, managing and giving a crap about finances. Nah I'd just buy some expensive craft beer and crack cocaine. My career is ok now, I'm grateful and right where God wants me I suppose. How rich I could've been, how easy life could be now if I didn't waste all that time and effort on drinking!