taplow

I'm well back into the drinking thing now, well almost. I'm still making efforts to convince myself that I'm not in freefall. Like this morning waking up really early and ekeing out the time until it seemed more respectable to kick off - but it was still too early. Yesterday I went to Chesterfield to see someone, but I bet it's really so I wouldn't feel too bad about drinking - please look at Chesterfield's church, amazing. Coming back on the train without alcohol was driving me crazy. All the time calculating how much I'd have to drink when I got home. Also I think I'm still drinking lager so I won't think it's so serious.
I got a decent amount of money put in my account yesterday, but there's nowhere really to spend it. I'm lazy and only try and earn anything when I have to. It'll be hard not to have to fill out all that time. I force myself to eat before I start drinking and then later on eating just chips and stuff like that. I couldn't eat anything green. Also I'm doing other things that I won't go into. I'm a bit bereft. I saw a film of a wombat this morning. There's nothing you can do to help but don't let that stand in your way. There must be some of you there that I haven't annoyed.

Fusion

Posted earlier in your previous "Absolutely Fairly Lost' thread, Tap. Then up popped this new one.

Dee74

I can’t see this ending any better than any of the other times Tap. Does the thought of having another seizure give you any pause for thought?

D

Steely

Oh, tap, I hope you stop. You can you know.

You reminded me of myself with all of the rationalisations, the counting of time, the lager, not the spirits. Anything to make it seem ok. It was exhausting, and it was never ok. And deep in your cotton sox you know that it's not.

We can only con ourselves for so long tap. The House always wins. It's a con. Unless we leave the table.

You can do it tap.

taplow

Yes, I saw that Tatsy, thanks for that. Yes, another thread. I'll try and create a separate personality on each one. On this one I've already started wearing a false beard. I don't know whether I should ask how you are incase I've asked on the other thread. You might have had a mood change in the meantime and it would like you couldn't get your stories straight.
Yes Dee the seizures have picked up lately. Last week I had 3 in 4 days I think it was. Cheers Steely, you're right, the house always wins. I just need one clear day.

Bunker

Hehe. People are not that easily p*ssed off.

Hodd

Indeed. The spire was reportedly built with unseasoned wood which then warped and twisted to form the banana-shaped crooked spire. My late parents lived in that area for a decade. Lots of nice walks there.

Imagine how much nicer than trip would’ve been without the cravings on the train. Why not do the trip again whilst the weather is still nice but plan not to drink at all that day?

Be123

Hi taplow I'll take up from the other thread here!

Ive never been inside highbury or the Emirates, did go to WHL once (my team is lower leagues, we drew spurs in the cup). I went to the studio del luz in Lisbon in 2004 to watch England and I think the Emirates is a similar design.

Anyhow...what's up with the drinking? If you're facing seizures I reckon today may be the day to go get help. In the UK A&E or your doctor will deffo help you if you turn up and explain the situation

taplow

So that's why Chesterfield church went weird. It should fall down. Was it like that in the 14th Century I wonder.
I just thought I'd post something to separate this thread from the other one. It's like when I was a kid there'd be Rod Stewart albums and there'd be Rod Stewart and the Faces albums. I knew I liked one of them but wasn't sure which. Or maybe I liked some of one and some of the other. It easily could confuse a simpleton like me.
I like it on SR, it's a nice place. The problem is I only tend to post on here when I'm drinking. I've had disputes with lots of people and I do realise that it would be unlikely to be everyone else's fault.
So sorry to everyone I've fallen out with, and best wishes to all.

Anna

Tap, having so many seizures in a few days sounds really scary. I hope you decide to stop drinking. I hope you find something useful and enjoyable to do with your money that doesn't involve alcohol. I know there's not a lot to do these days, but maybe you can come up with something that would appeal to you.

taplow

Be123 who's your team then? I loved Highbury but I'm not keen on the Emirates. I haven't been there a lot really, it's pretty souless. I don't much like the football industry now. I suppose I liked that it was part of the community. There's not so much tying it to the area now. The players coming from all over have no loyalty to it.
As regards the epilepsy, the medication I'm on isn't stopping the fits completely now but it does make them milder. I'm on the maximum dosage though. What they've tried before is to replace it bit by bit with other medication - I've had two different ones. It can't be done replacing it all in one go incase it doesn't work and I'll die all over the place. The thing is that when I start taking other medication it seems to alter my thinking. I can't bear that. I don't want my character changed, no one should. Seems a crazy thing to say when I'm choosing to drink. Because I've had an increase of seizures lately I've been given phone appointment with the neurologist. I don't think this time I'll try another drug but will suggest that we can have a plan in place so that if it gets bad I can just do it through my GP.
Thanks.

taplow

Thanks Anna, no it's not that much money. But it does give me some free time. I should say I still get seizures when I'm not drinking. In March or April I had 4 in the same amount of time and I was in a long sober stretch. I remember I was a bit low though - physically, not mentally. Maybe I had Covid, you never know. Thanks for your concern Anna, appreciated.

Sober45

You are NOT a simpleton. No need to berate yourself as you are just human. If you had a long stretch in the past, you can do it again. I have 6 months...my longest stint ever. I had to love myself enough to stop. You are worth it.

taplow

Thankyou Sober45.
So can I ask you again Be123, what's your team? I'm also guessing that as it's a lower league team it's your local side. I like it when people support their nearest teams. I'd have felt honour bound to do it, which is why I felt I was lucky to grow up near Arsenal. In the long distant past people only could only see football at their their local sides but now they all flock to the big beasts. It ruins it all. I liked the tribalism of it as well. You know, Arsenal might say they hated Tottenham but it wasn't just about the name or the kit. They'd believe that they hated the actual people.
Take the rivalry of Portsmouth and Southamptom for instance. It goes right back to the 2nd World War where Portsmouth was the port of the Royal Navy while Southamptom was the port of the Merchant Navy. Southampton alway thought that they hadn't been protected by navy ships in the war. It carries down through the years. Celtic v Rangers, it's not about football, it's about religion. Get rid of that connection and any non simulated passion dies.

Surrendered19

Hi Tap. Glad you are posting. Hang in there you stubborn stubborn stubborn mule. I mean that with nothing but affection.

lessgravity

Bummer Tap. Nothing changes if nothing changes. But you know that. Hope you do the work to set yourself free.

Fusion

So, Tap, what do you believe it will take to climb out of the trough. I know you're capable, because you've said you were once sober for nearly 8 years. I recall asking this question previously, but didn't notice your reply.

I remain convinced that anyone who joins SR can stop drinking. There's a wealth of experience, information and guidance here, that can applied to reach that abstinence goal.

Hodd

I grew up a few miles north in N9 and supported the local team 😀

I did go to the new stadium last year. I very rarely go. I spent most of the time wondering why the fans drank so much beer! Even as a drinker, I never bothered with alcohol with football. I tell you what, though, a lot of these fans are a lot younger then me but look so tired and unfit. I’ve nothing against moderate drinking (for the healthy non-addict, that’s me out), but these fans binge drinking every weekend are a good advertisement to stop drinking.

taplow

Honestly Tatsy I can stop. I just want the one clear day and that will give me a long sober period. I don't like being drunk, I just don't like leaving the warm. I find it difficult to get out of it. Drinking is like denying reality. I know that every second of drinking is really not being alive. People who are happy to be drunk are like pigs wallowing in filth - no offence to pigs.
So what does it take to get me sober? Well the first day is willpower. After that, well I need to, either replace it with something else or replace myself with someone else. I don't want to live a life like someone else I might see. It's not that I don't want to, it's not that there's nothing greater, it's just that it's not possible. So what do I do? I'm not going to find an all consuming interest. What I need to do is to die, I mean die to myself. I must get rid of all pleasure and comfort. I'm serious Tatsy. Spare and sparse, bleak and bare.
Surrendered19, thankyou and lessgravity, thankyou. I am indeed honoured.

taplow

Hi Hodd, where is N9? Are you talking about Tottenham? I heard their stadium was great. To me drinking always went with football. We'd always meet in the pub before the game. But that was years ago.