Vent
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 286
Vent
This will probably not be helpful anyone but I just need an anonymous vent, when I first posted here I complained that part of my drinking was because of my partner and the stress he causes me, now though growth and introspection I know I drank because I did not have the tools to deal with life's 'bads' i.e anxiety e.t.c and because I drank so much I couldn't act on leaving and now I'm trapped in this for some more time. I chose to deal with it by drink it wasn't shoved in my mouth. I tell you what though...I don't get how someone can go through life with such a sense of dissatisfaction and feel they must Inflict it on others, I could write a book on all the insane reactions to perfectly normal or slightly uncomfortable things, I have been wondering for a while now if some lemon fairy drops lemons in his mouth before he wakes! I am changed from being with him, just a little bit always sadder and in relief when we very very rarely goes out of town. I really wanted a drink today cause it was just alot. But I pray, talked to my mom and now i'm here...he has moved to my motivation not to drink cause I do not want to be like this person. I will try not to drink today...wont help matters anyway but it will numb me from all of this. What a place drink landed me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Hi Orchid. One of the great things about sobriety is how much it improves our powers to reflect and make good decisions. You get only one walk on this earth and you should try and live it the best way you can. You deserve peace as much as we all do. That feeling you get when he goes out of town - you deserve to feel like that all the time.
I hope you can change your situation to a happier one. 
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
So sorry to hear this but the silver lining is where your growth has led you. Sobriety will help you so much and if you continue with your insightfulness, it will also guide you to better choices. It will be baby steps, but bed down the sobriety, and you will be able to see a way out of the place you're in. But I really believe the sobriety must come first. Active drinking makes every situation worse. Strength and love to you ...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 286
Crazy thing is drinking was always in my mind a reason I wasn't where "I was suppose to be" by now, in my mind, my comfy excuse for what my life is. Now, that excuse is becoming not a factor and what my life will be from now is based on me, it is a scary thought but I am dealing with it, though I have messed up my life I am still very fortunate that it does take just a little effort on my part to be "successful". Sobriety will change what my life is and from reading everyone's posts, surrendered and dee from your multiple 2 cents in my journey, life will be better but my anxiety for it is a challenge to get over and I don't know why. I do love my partner and I wish him healing, he has done some big things for me so he is not all bad, just I think... I don't know.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
There are no saints on SR, that's for sure. We are the botched and the bungled.
A few years back, a friend of mine was in a similar situation to yours. She said that when her husband was on his way home from work, she would get sick to her stomach. She loves him and did not want to necessarily break up. So, she just leveled with him and told him point blank - I get nauseous when I hear you coming into the house. What are we going to do about that? That opened the door to some super serious conversations and they are still together and so much happier.
Maybe put it to your partner - When you are out of town, I feel like I can breathe, and I want to feel like that all of the time, so what are we going to do about that?
A few years back, a friend of mine was in a similar situation to yours. She said that when her husband was on his way home from work, she would get sick to her stomach. She loves him and did not want to necessarily break up. So, she just leveled with him and told him point blank - I get nauseous when I hear you coming into the house. What are we going to do about that? That opened the door to some super serious conversations and they are still together and so much happier.
Maybe put it to your partner - When you are out of town, I feel like I can breathe, and I want to feel like that all of the time, so what are we going to do about that?
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Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
I agree that this is something that needs to be talked about or it could fester even more. I wouldn't be surprised if my wife sometimes thought this about me and if she was feeling as strongly as you are I would definitely want to know.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
When I got sober first time round for 3.5 years I was married but I was so unhappy & dying inside. He wasn't a bad person but we just had nothing in common, not even friendship. The longer I was sober the more I grew away from him and realised this was not how I wanted to live my life. So I left him, it was difficult, messy, painful to see him suffer.
Getting sober gave me the strength to do what was best for me ,as Surrendered19 says we only get 1 chance on this earth and we owe it to ourselves to live our best life.
It's 6 years later now and I've never regretted it. I am remarried to my best friend and soul mate and have peace of mind and happiness.
Getting sober gave me the strength to do what was best for me ,as Surrendered19 says we only get 1 chance on this earth and we owe it to ourselves to live our best life.
It's 6 years later now and I've never regretted it. I am remarried to my best friend and soul mate and have peace of mind and happiness.
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