Philemon

Hi Bunker, you must be getting SOMETHING out of drinking or you wouldn't do it. I got SOMETHING out of it, but the bad consequences now outweigh the reason I used drink. In truth they have for a long time, years, but I haven't been willing to put up with the uncomfortable (or UNBEARABLE as I like to hyperbolt) feelings of riding out an urge when it comes on me.
When it comes down to it, as I see it anyway, you can fill your life up with things to make your life fuller and more satisfying than sitting drinking. But when it comes down to it, the bottom skill you must have, is to be able to ride out an urge, ignore the AV whichever way you want to put it.
I'm not coming at you as any sort of expert on this, I'm still very much a novice

Philemon

I think there is a link on urge surfing on here. Or you just totally ignore the AV and go about your business with it chirping in the background like a nagging husband (sorry throwing in a bit of personal experience there). Or play the tape forward, look past the first stage of drinking, where it brings some relief from stress/boredom/ take away the craving ,whatever you it is you want to escape and think of yourself in a few hours, drunk, causing trouble or embarrassment to yourself, unable to stop. Think to the time you will feel so sick with the amount you have drank that you can't drink anymore and all you have in front of you are the horrible withdrawals that drag on for days. Really think back to your last withdrawals and how bad you felt. Then an urge doesn't seem that bad to just ignore compared with feeling like you are dying from withdrawals, the anxiety, the racing heart, the sweats, the shakiness, sleeplessness, you know the picture.
For me, drinking doesn't even take the urge away, it makes it stronger, until I physically cannot drink anymore.
I have had some urges the last 8 days I have been off the drink, but they are not even a fraction of the emotional pain of withdrawal

MissPerfumado

Bunker, I'm sorry it took a while to respond to this one.

I think what I'm going to say is going to come off harsh. I'll preface by acknowledging that I don't know you or what you've been through.

I feel it is a question of mindset. There is a difference between doing all the things mentioned with the mindset that these things are building something - i.e. permanent sobriety - and doing all those things with the mindset that they're are just to fend off the inevitable - i.e. eventual relapse - for as long as possible.

All the things you've mentioned are actions, and very sound ones. But I believe they must be accompanied by a change in mindset.

That change in mindset is also (in my observation) critical in ensuring slips don't become major relapses. If you are building sobriety, a slip doesn't cause the whole thing to come crashing down. The hole is plugged - quickly - and the building resumes. You might have slipped because you became complacent or went to an event and were tempted, but everything else like the hobbies, the family support and the counselling are all still there and you pick yourself up quickly and get back to it. With lessons learned about where weakness lies.

If you're doing these things anticipating a relapse, then the structure is not sound. The actions don't knit together to create the sober structure, they are just haphazardly put together and the slip comes along and it all falls apart. There's a 'oh what's the point, I've ruined it' mentality and all the hard work is allowed to collapse. Counselling sessions cancelled, hobbies discarded, diary forgotten, family's concerns avoided etc.

One of the things my Dad told me when I got sober (he is recovering himself) was: 'I'm proud of you for stopping, but don't forget that if you do ever slip up, just come right back and admit it, and get back on the wagon again.'

So I'd suggest you take all of the actions you've mentioned and start seeing them as part of your sober structure. You've slipped but you're going to get restarted on building it. Even if your relapse was longer than you'd have liked, start building again. You're not pushing a boulder uphill that needs to fall all the way back down, you're building something strong and good that is going to last forever.

Obladi

I was thinking the same things Ms P said, only in a much more terse way, so I'm glad she posted first.

There's a difference between "trying" and Doing.

Lord knows. I've been trying (and trying sincerely) for years. But trying implies I can give up if things don't work out. I'm better off having decided I must Do this thing. There's no fallback in this plan any longer. Come hell or high water, I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.

O

MaximusD

Obladi, can I quote you in my journal so I have it to look back on?

Obladi

Go for it, Maximus.

timi0000

Bunker, what really worked for me, allowing me to let go of my addiction was turning my life over to my Higher Power and becoming more loving towards people by taking loving actions toward them and helping them. I started by just putting positive messages on post it notes in bathrooms. I have expanded it since. That is part of the reason why I write on these forums. Becoming more loving towards people and helping them really allowed me to let go of my addiction.