Scott2295

I was 124 days with no alcohol and two weeks ago I gave into the AV. Went right back drinking in the morning. This time I can’t believe how quickly I stopped eating right and other bad health habits I had stopped during my sober time. Back to day 1. Going to work harder this time. I hope posting will help me remember this. I’ve been a member here for a long time but mostly read. It helped a lot for those four months.

least

Welcome back! I hope you can learn from this and move on to complete and lasting sobriety.

Scott2295

Me too. I need to do a few things different. In particular remembering how quickly things went south.

PuckLuck

Hey Scott,

Welcome. Right there with you on Day 1. Yes, always found it strange how I pick up right where I left off or worse... Truth is I'm an all or nothing type of drinker, so it shouldn't surprise me that much. I "try" to control it, but not really if that makes any sense at all. Always spirals out of control in a heartbeat.

I'm thankful for this board too because it makes me feel less alone.

Scott2295

I am going to be more active here and hopefully that will help as well. I have trigger that I was aware of but gave in. I have to figure that one out. We boat during the summer and that is always associated with drinking. I told my wife that I had drank. I am going to need her help with this. She really doesn’t understand alcoholics but I’m going to talk a lot more with her.

Surrendered19

The things you've said in this short post Scott2295 lead me to believe that you know what the deal is. We do not drink anymore sir, you read me?? You are lucky to have a supportive spouse. Just explain it to her. She doesn't need to understand. She just needs to know the contours of the fence line.

By the way I boat all the time and it is really fun sober too.

Scott2295

Thanks Surrendered19. I do know what I have to do. Never drink again. In those four month sober I worked out, ate really well, lost 25 pounds. It felt great to be sober. These last two weeks felt awful. I never want to do that again.

Misssy2

This is very scary after 124 days...I'm sure you are scared out of your wit...glad you don't just keep going and are going to try....you drink like me and that is very dangerous...stopping eating, drinking in the morning...don't know about you but not showering either, smoking tons of cigs...sending messages I wish I hadn't....its just hell...I hope you feel better soon.

Dee74

Welcome back Scott
reading good but I think posting is better - why not post a little more this time?

welcome back to you too PuckLuck

D

EndGameNYC

Good

TiredCarpenter

Scott and PuckLuck: me too. I had a few shots on day 92 a couple of hours shy of 93 days sober. I think habit got me this time.
We are not alone. Not by any stretch of the imagination.
I’m on day 6 now, struggling with some cravings. It’s frustrating when we take ourselves back into the fire. Gross really.

Best to you guys!

b0glerd69

Hi Scott, you know that you can do it! 124 days is a fair stretch and you must have realised how much 'open water' there was between the present and your last drink. You need to get back on the wagon and back in recovery. It took me a few cycles of relapse to realise that I simply cannot drink anymore. Play the tape forward, after the initial buzz, it's all downhill to anxiety, guilt, stress, sickness and worse. Keep checking in here as part of your new routine.

Gabe1980

Welcome back!

I know, I am the same....if I had a drink right now I would be exactly the same as described above, drinking in the morning, no showering, eating rubbish and falling about. It goes on for days too.

I think that is such an important part of recovery though, recognising that it doesn't matter how long we are sober for; we drink the same. Every time...

PuckLuck

Thank you, TC. How are you doing?

PuckLuck

It really is quite odd. Always about damage control and cleaning yourself up whenever you finally run out of booze and have to stop the bender, because when I am in the middle of it I am not doing anything. It's actually disgusting and you feel like a pig when you finally do stumble into the shower. Another thing I hate about all of it is that even if something didn't go horribly wrong during a bender, I will convince myself that I did something very bad. I guess it's from all the years of guilt, shame and past experiences.

Scott2295

Thanks everyone. I got a good nights sleep and feel pretty good this morning. Thankfully the drinking only lasted the two weeks so I’m hoping the recovery phase is shorter this time. I will keep posting. I also have long back story with the drinking that I would like to share but I’m not sure where it should go.

Surrendered19

Right here Scott. Tell us what happened.

Zebra1275

Join the Class of July 2020 group on the first page in the Newcomers to Recovery section of this website. And then actively post DAILY in that group.

Scott2295

Ok, here it goes. It was a long journey to get here. I drank daily for about 20 years. I’m 58 now. In the fall of 2018 with the passing of my mother-in-law and the stress of dealing with her estate, I started drinking even more and started hitting the bottle in the morning. My wife didn’t handle her mothers passing very well which is understandable. My mother-in-law never threw away anything for 60 years and I was left to deal with all of it.

December of 2018 was really bad and I hit a major low the beginning of January 2019 and I just couldn’t drink any more. I was really sick. I was not eating, having auditory hallucinations and I just crashed. I was sick for several days and that was the beginning of the recovery but it was a process.

I stopped drinking for about two months and then I decided I could have a glass of wine and began to drink again. Not as much and I had many day ones during 2019 but each time I would start the daily drinking again. However by the fall I was able to stop for a few weeks at a time.

I had a Dr. appointment in January 2020 and I wanted to have good test numbers so I stopped a month before the appointment. By the time of my appointment I was able to get good test results. In the past my numbers were not good. I had a celebratory drink the day of my exam and drank again for a month. The middle of February I told my wife that I was done drinking and quit. After that, I started really eating right and working out and have lost 25 pounds since then. My blood pressure was excellent and I have been able to reduce the medications that I was taking for it. Thankfully, since I had been stopping on and off for 2019, I didn’t really have any withdrawal issues unlike the year before.

I felt very fortunate the not be drinking and never wanted to go back. I knew I would slid into daily drinking and I did. As I mentioned, I’ve spent a lot of time on SR. Not posting but reading and thinking but I am going to post. It’s been really helpful and I really feel for everyone struggling with alcohol. I hope my sharing helps someone else. Thanks for reading.

Scott2295

Thanks Zebra. I will do that.