GrayJ

Hi guys,

476 days sober here. What I'm looking advice on, however, isn't greatly related to sobriety.

Basically I've been living with my best friend since Feb this year. We're both 30. This is our first time living outside of our family homes. I struggled with how much he was drinking around me and spoke with his mum about it - who was also concerned. Anyways he spoke to me about it and apologised to me and, having kept to his word, doesn't drink when I'm home anymore. GREAT. But sadly, I still find myself wanting my own space. My life at the moment is essentially 1) Go to work 2) Go home. The problem with this is that I'm constantly surrounded by other people and I'm almost never on my own. I have always been an introvert and do better in my own company.

So ... I just don't know how to break it to him that I want to end the tenancy early and look for something else.

Just something to note

• He has told me in the past he wouldn't want to live on his own (he has aspergers but holds down a job and I personally think living on his own would greatly benefit him).

Sorry if it looks like I'm treating this forum like Reddit or something.

Gray.

tomls

Seems to me that you have to worry about #1 first. That would be you!

brighterday1234

Honesty is the best policy.

D122y

I try and squeeze the most out of every dollar.

When I joined the military at 17 and started drinking almost every day, I made the decision that I could save a ton of money if I "party at home."

That worked for about 10 years with major issues, e.g. dui, alcohol incidents, being luckily escaped for the most part. I definitely almost got totally destroyed a few times. Only by the grace of God did I make it to an addiction state where I was physically and mentally lambasted.

Sounds like you are no where near my level of kindling but maybe you are and don't know it. I am not a Dr.

I am still getting used to being a non drinker. The 4th of July used to be pretty much a drunken blur. I usually started drinking at work, get home drink until I passed out, then start up again in the morning. Come Tuesday morning, I was a agoraphobic madman.

Thanks for letting me piggy back on your question.

Now directly addressing your question, since I am so cheap, I would tough it out with a roommate saving every penny I could so I could eventually put a solid down payment on my own home. That way I would use this "less than optimal" living arrangement to my advantage.

If the roommate was getting me stressed I would let them know loud and clear.

I also routinely exercise and that totally blasts my stress into next week where I work out again and keep kicking the can.

Hope this helps somehow.

Thanks for the therapy.

Anna

So, you've lived with your friend for almost 6 months and you now realize that have a roomie isn't the best situation for you. What arrangement to you have for the lease? Are you on a month-to-month basis? If so, you can speak to him about your concern and give him your notice.

Bubovski

Some Aspergers people can get quite upset about rapid change of routine.
Still you have your own life to live and seem to know your own personal wants.
Some kind and well chosen words of departure seem in order.

Misssy2

I think this is a sober forum not only to talk about struggles with drinking but especially to talk when you have struggles in "real life" and how you are dealing with them SOBER.

Your doing good...reaching out....and asking for advice cause us normal alcoholics just want to run from the situation you are trying to "deal"...You have to tell him....but you have to give him some notice....first figure out where you want to go....set up and give him a months notice to find someone else....You are not here to live anyone elses life...you learned this about yourself (you can tell him that) because it has nothing to do with him....and what your plans are.....you don't owe an apology (you have been paying your share and you are going to give him adequate notice)….You just have to plan it out.

GrayJ

UPDATE:

Got up for work this morning and he was asleep on the couch which an empty bottle of vodka next to him. I'm upset, for himself and for me. Will have to chat with him about it.

Thanks for the replies. We can request to end the tenancy 6 months in with 1 months notice. Earliest I could request is 9th July. I'd never do it without speaking to him first to give him some time to process it. I suppose there's no guarantee that they will even agree to end it.

ReadyAtLast

You have to put yourself first and look after your own mental health ad sobriety. I totally understand as need my own space and no amount of saving money is worth more than peace of mind and space and privacy. I would be honest and firm with him, he could continue with the tenancy and get someone else in to share perhaps while you go your own way. Best of luck to you.

GrayJ

Thank you everyone.

I spoken to him and he was shocked but surprisingly understanding.

Thanks again and good luck to everyone with their sobriety.

Anna

I hope things go well when you request to break the lease.

Aellyce

I relate to not wanting to live with other people. I'm an only child and have only ever had roommates once, for a relatively short time, and intensely hated it. I never even enjoyed much living with an intimate partner. So, for my own well-being, investing into having my own place is a must. I'm glad you could discuss it with the roomie - definitely think honesty is the best here. I had those initially unpleasant conversations more than twice even with partners I otherwise loved and really respected, and it was important to give the full picture and not make them think they did something wrong or I didn't like them anymore. I personally never had anyone who didn't understand it even when they wished for something different. I personally can't even work in a constantly social environment and be happy, so set my work in a way that at least 50% is done from my home. I am much more motivated, efficient and satisfied that way. It's definitely a personality thing and there are plenty of people like this

GrayJ

YES! I relate to this much. Thank you!!!