Cascabel

Hello all, it has been a while since I have posted on this site. I have been visiting here, off and on, since about 2011. At that time, I had started drinking again after spending the previous 30 years as a teetotaler. I quit again in 2013 with your help and remained sober until about a year and a half ago.

My excuse for starting drinking again was my wife’s health. She received a double lung transplant in 2010 for pulmonary fibrosis; she had never smoked. The transplant served her well until January 2019 when she went into chronic, irreversible, rejection. By September she was in home hospice care. All of this time I was her primary caregiver, a full time job. She passed away the day before Christmas. We had been married for 60 years. She was a gentle, caring and loving person; I miss her terribly.

Her final illness and passing was difficult and stressful for me. I attended her pretty much full time until she entered hospice; I then had some help from the hospice people. Still, it was difficult and I started drinking again. I kept the drinking under control until she died; I needed to be there for her. But, after she died I started drinking more heavily; it helped, initially, with the grief.

About a week ago I decided that my life would be better if I were to quit drinking so I quit, again. I’m 83 this year and I hope this will be my last day one.

I’m back on this forum now to give myself a bit of accountability and to find support when the occasion arises. I’m also looking for some company; living alone takes some getting used to. I’m now on day six and feeling better. I’m glad to be back.

Anna

Welcome back, Cascabel, and I'm very sorry for the loss of your life.

I agree that your life will be much better without alcohol.

Coldfusion

Welcome back, Cascabel! I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. I also lost my wife and it affected my drinking too. I am glad you have stopped.

SoberRecovery works if you work it! Here's a few good threads to join:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7469800 (Class of June Support Thread 2020 Part 2)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7469893 (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 491)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...me-whines.html

Also, here's just one group out of thousands online AA meetings (Pacific Daylight Time, GMT -7h):

https://eastsideaa.org/meetings/?tsml-type=ONL

fini

good to see you back, Cascabel, and on the sobriety road again. and i am so sorry to hear of the death of your wife.

least

I am sorry for the loss of your wife.

NONIA

Sorry for your loss .

Gabe1980

I am sorry about the loss of your wife too; that must have been incredibly hard for you.

It is lovely to have you back with us and congratulations on your last day 1.

biminiblue

Welcome back to SR and to sobriety.

I was sober many years and went back to it at a time when I had lost a loved one and had too many other stressors all at one time, so I understand. I'm now six plus years sober again and have every intention of meeting my loved ones and God sober. I'd hate to be blitzed for that reunion.

I'm sorry for your loss and the difficulty you had, but what a long lovely marriage. She would want you to take care of yourself.

Billymacintosh

Welcome back Cascabel, I'm glad you have joined us again and so sorry for the loss of your wife. I think you are very brave to address quitting drinking again and you have my full support.
Looking forward to hearing from you regularly.
Love Billy x

Dee74

I'm so sorry for your loss Cascabel but its good you made it back here.

D

stickyone

Really sorry for your lost. Being married for so long is beautiful keep your chin up and remember the good times and take it day by day. You have so much more in life to give and receive. Have a wonderful day.

D122y

Sir,

Sorry for your loss.

I try not to give advice any more.

I have a question.

Have you learned the following?

I learned here that booze causes irreversible brain damage. It alters my brains ability to produce dopamine etc.

So, when I relapse, I have to start over in my dopamine etc. production.

It is a viscous cycle. The healing seemed to extend exponentially.

What do you think?

Love and Thanks.

Misssy2

Great on Day 6! This is going to be so hard on you...60 years is a long time to being with someone, caring for someone and "poof" they are gone....The loneliness...especially since there are so many restrictions right now for "seniors'...the loneliness is going to be very dangerous.
I hope you find other reasons to hold on to being sober I have about 9 days right now...and it is hard.....I lost my Dad 4 months ago...I was his caregiver for 3 years and did the same as you...struggled drinking but pretty much held it together except for the 4 x in 3 years I ended in hospital for drinking but I always jumped right back into caregiver and stayed sober for long periods...when he died in March....I drank heavily to cover the void and the pain..and the trauma of taking care of him in his last days (as you know changing sheets, washing them up, trying to get them to eat or walk even.....

Drink takes it all away..but if your like me...drink will kill you if that is what we want to keep turning to.
My heart goes out to you....during this difficult time now and what is coming....

MaximusD

Welcome back Cascabel, we are here for you!

Fusion

Cascabel, I am so sorry for your loss and so glad that your wife had you to care for her. I'm glad you returned to SR and well done on day 6. Please look after yourself and post, I'm listening, and so are many others, because this is a kind, supportive and safe place. I'm glad your'e back, hugs to you, Cascabel x.

Bethany57

Cascabel: I am so very sorry for your loss. So happy you had 60 years together....you sound like you had a beautiful relationship. Great job on giving up the alcohol...it has nothing at all to offer you. Keep up the good work!!