Class of July 2020 Part One
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,478
Originally Posted by RattleAndHum 
I’ve been debating back and forth in my mind whether to post this and reach out again. On some level, I don’t feel worthy since I just keep failing. I’ve been on here before. I’ve achieved stretches of sobriety. Since the quarantine, I lost control, and have been drinking every day, and drinking a lot. I’m ashamed. I’m tired. I’m not giving excuses. I’m just trying to find a way out of this.
It’s harder and harder to harness the power to quit. I’ve found some reservoir of will or determination before, but this reservoir is drying up fast. I guess I’m admitting powerlessness in that I want to stop, but the urge to drink always arises in the afternoon, and I submit. I need to stop, or I will die. I know this is true.
I’m sorry for the negativity. I’m just desperate to get my life back and do away with the bottle for good. I’ve read all of your posts – thank you all!
Back to day 1…
It’s harder and harder to harness the power to quit. I’ve found some reservoir of will or determination before, but this reservoir is drying up fast. I guess I’m admitting powerlessness in that I want to stop, but the urge to drink always arises in the afternoon, and I submit. I need to stop, or I will die. I know this is true.
I’m sorry for the negativity. I’m just desperate to get my life back and do away with the bottle for good. I’ve read all of your posts – thank you all!
Back to day 1…
s xxx ❤️
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 1,055
Welcome CaptainH! Glad you’ve joined.
Willow, happy you’ve joined this class. I’ve been in other classes that went quiet and it’s not fun. I need that daily support/encouragement , especially early on.
On to day 3...Speaking of weight, I’ve also gained due to wine consumption and eating junk, so I’m excited to get back to running and eating healthy. We are going away today for a little vacation, so I’ll splurge a bit, but the weather should be beautiful for running and walking.
Max, I’m counting on you to stay strong this week and speak against the lies of the AV. I’ll do the same!
I’m committing to another sober day. Got to go get ready, but I’ll be reading today and posting tonight.
Willow, happy you’ve joined this class. I’ve been in other classes that went quiet and it’s not fun. I need that daily support/encouragement , especially early on.
On to day 3...Speaking of weight, I’ve also gained due to wine consumption and eating junk, so I’m excited to get back to running and eating healthy. We are going away today for a little vacation, so I’ll splurge a bit, but the weather should be beautiful for running and walking.
Max, I’m counting on you to stay strong this week and speak against the lies of the AV. I’ll do the same!
I’m committing to another sober day. Got to go get ready, but I’ll be reading today and posting tonight.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,928
Morning & welcome all - new or old. I woke in a bad mood this morning and I am fighting it. I'm still going to get the last third of the bittersweet trimmed and then let it sit in the sun for days till it's very dead. Bicycle ride, lunch, and a nap after that and hopefully I will wake in a better mood.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 426
Day 7 - no serious difficulties yet - I'm surprised I'm not gagging for a drink
Made a mistake yesterday - baked a bread and butter pudding and ate most of it (tons of sugar) - and I'm kinda hung over
If your brain cannot get alcohol then sugar will do (similar molecule)
Anyway - well done if you are still looking after yourself
Made a mistake yesterday - baked a bread and butter pudding and ate most of it (tons of sugar) - and I'm kinda hung over
If your brain cannot get alcohol then sugar will do (similar molecule)
Anyway - well done if you are still looking after yourself
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: Warrington UK
Posts: 121
Hmm seems like we are all the black sheep at family gatherings here, well we can be a flock together.
Well done Jewel on your day 2 keep it going.
Sober day 7 here my kids went to school I didn't go and buy alcohol I went for a 6 mile walk over fields and woods, the AV was at the edges of my mind saying you could have done this and that and maybe we could go buy some tomorrow instead. but I quieted it down and enjoyed the walk. Reminded myself of this time last week, I binged on day 30 .....vomiting in the bathtub and all over myself. I was able to engage with my kids when I picked them up to the point they had enough of me asking questions of them and asked me to let them relax!
I think it is morning or mid morning for some of you now so have a great day and have a sober one with me x
Well done Jewel on your day 2 keep it going.
Sober day 7 here my kids went to school I didn't go and buy alcohol I went for a 6 mile walk over fields and woods, the AV was at the edges of my mind saying you could have done this and that and maybe we could go buy some tomorrow instead. but I quieted it down and enjoyed the walk. Reminded myself of this time last week, I binged on day 30 .....vomiting in the bathtub and all over myself. I was able to engage with my kids when I picked them up to the point they had enough of me asking questions of them and asked me to let them relax!
I think it is morning or mid morning for some of you now so have a great day and have a sober one with me x
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: Warrington UK
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by Charon
Morning & welcome all - new or old. I woke in a bad mood this morning and I am fighting it. I'm still going to get the last third of the bittersweet trimmed and then let it sit in the sun for days till it's very dead. Bicycle ride, lunch, and a nap after that and hopefully I will wake in a better mood.
Originally Posted by redcardid
Day 7 - no serious difficulties yet - I'm surprised I'm not gagging for a drink
Made a mistake yesterday - baked a bread and butter pudding and ate most of it (tons of sugar) - and I'm kinda hung over
If your brain cannot get alcohol then sugar will do (similar molecule)
Anyway - well done if you are still looking after yourself
Made a mistake yesterday - baked a bread and butter pudding and ate most of it (tons of sugar) - and I'm kinda hung over
If your brain cannot get alcohol then sugar will do (similar molecule)
Anyway - well done if you are still looking after yourself
Well done redcardid keep going, I also attack the sugar after a drinking binge, raid the kids sweets and then have to replace them, I think that its fine to do in the early days of recovery if it keeps us sober :-)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
I find it so interesting all the similarities that we all have. So much of this is just driven by biological reward center issues. I get waking up with a sugar hangover. I will be giving it a go this week to start eating healthier and will be ramping up my workouts as well. Today is a week so it is time. I am going to be paying attention to what happens though with the AV and my sobriety when I do. No AV activity on a normally drinking filled Monday morning.
Coffee Snob
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Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 808
Good morning all,
I slept so much better last night and got a little Hulu in before bed with a bowl of popcorn.
Greentree - Welcome to the group!
Max - Congrats a week today! Very happy you're back in the group with all of us. Great job.
Captain - Welcome aboard
Charon - Love your avatar of Ruthless Ruthie. She looks fierce.
One of the most difficult things about family gatherings, and there's many, is how I feel like a freaking 12 year old child in the body of a 35 year old man. Everyone else seemingly has their you know what together and I'm still in the early stages of figuring out how to live. At least that's how it feels to me at times. It's pretty embarrassing. Also, all the fake conversations and awkwardness of no one knowing what to say... I would rather just stay away. Sheesh.
I've never had a huge sweet tooth (except for chocolate with a glass of milk before bed), so I guess I'm breaking from the group a little on this one. Right now my current addiction is diet coke with a lot of ice.
I actually hate Mondays, but I am happy to be sober and here with you all today.
I slept so much better last night and got a little Hulu in before bed with a bowl of popcorn.
Greentree - Welcome to the group!
Max - Congrats a week today! Very happy you're back in the group with all of us. Great job.
Captain - Welcome aboard
Charon - Love your avatar of Ruthless Ruthie. She looks fierce.
One of the most difficult things about family gatherings, and there's many, is how I feel like a freaking 12 year old child in the body of a 35 year old man. Everyone else seemingly has their you know what together and I'm still in the early stages of figuring out how to live. At least that's how it feels to me at times. It's pretty embarrassing. Also, all the fake conversations and awkwardness of no one knowing what to say... I would rather just stay away. Sheesh.
I've never had a huge sweet tooth (except for chocolate with a glass of milk before bed), so I guess I'm breaking from the group a little on this one. Right now my current addiction is diet coke with a lot of ice.
I actually hate Mondays, but I am happy to be sober and here with you all today.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: Cali
Posts: 547
Oh boy, that sugar thing is a real thing! LOL
I was all about the sugar and carbs for the first few days and I was thankful to be able to pass them by again recently. I had some high sugar foods yesterday, homemade chocolate chip cookies and fruity pebble krispy treats. I had such a horrible headache and sugar coma after. I will need to read up on some of the SR sugar threads. As a bariatric patient, I am susceptible to sugar dumping syndrome (which is also why tequila remained my drink of choice). I think alcoholism screwed sugar dumping up even more for me too.
As for the family gatherings. I really understand how they can be awkward and feel contrived. It is as if everyone has their role to play and I always ended up with some crappy bit part. Part of my recovery will be to continue to be comfortable with my authentic self. My sober self. I have already begun skipping out on some social gatherings. I'm planning to skip a couple more in the coming months. I can't skip my moms visit, however. She has lots of baggage of her own, I don't want to get into dirty details, but I'm hopeful that her visit next month goes better than the past few. I have been working out a plan, all to keep me sober and focused while keeping her distracted. I kind of feel I will need to rely upon on the same skill I need to speak in public or lead a group of people at a community event. That shinning on of the negative/uncomfortable, almost a checking-out of sorts, so that you can do or say your thing and get the job done without the emotions of panic and anxiety. Just business, nothing personal. But all with a smile and a nod so they feel comfortable and feel that you are paying attention. Still don't know how to offset the anxiety of her impending visit. Still hoping that working on a plan for it is enough to keep the hounds at bay.
That came out about as clear as mud. LOL
Today is my Day 21. A little bit on a few things:
Exercise hasn't yet returned but my daily activity level is really nice. I am seeing a minimal, but steady decrease on the scale each morning. A pound or two a day so far. I had gained up until 3 days ago.
I am tired at the end of the day but my day isn't ending at 6:30pm with me blackout drunk and I'm able to stay awake until bedtime. It isn't the same kind of tired as the past 13 years. I'm hoping to bump my regular bedtime back eventually. My current bedtime is 8pm. I would like to get to 10 pm again so I can be awake when my husband gets home from work. I also don't feel the need for midday naps (yes, there were more than one towards the end) like I used to.
My bank account is happier. My drink of choice wasn't cheap
Anyway. I have a couple more threads to read through and then I need to knock some things off my chore list before the heat really sets in. I will be checking in later but I wish you all a safe and sober day!
I was all about the sugar and carbs for the first few days and I was thankful to be able to pass them by again recently. I had some high sugar foods yesterday, homemade chocolate chip cookies and fruity pebble krispy treats. I had such a horrible headache and sugar coma after. I will need to read up on some of the SR sugar threads. As a bariatric patient, I am susceptible to sugar dumping syndrome (which is also why tequila remained my drink of choice). I think alcoholism screwed sugar dumping up even more for me too.
As for the family gatherings. I really understand how they can be awkward and feel contrived. It is as if everyone has their role to play and I always ended up with some crappy bit part. Part of my recovery will be to continue to be comfortable with my authentic self. My sober self. I have already begun skipping out on some social gatherings. I'm planning to skip a couple more in the coming months. I can't skip my moms visit, however. She has lots of baggage of her own, I don't want to get into dirty details, but I'm hopeful that her visit next month goes better than the past few. I have been working out a plan, all to keep me sober and focused while keeping her distracted. I kind of feel I will need to rely upon on the same skill I need to speak in public or lead a group of people at a community event. That shinning on of the negative/uncomfortable, almost a checking-out of sorts, so that you can do or say your thing and get the job done without the emotions of panic and anxiety. Just business, nothing personal. But all with a smile and a nod so they feel comfortable and feel that you are paying attention. Still don't know how to offset the anxiety of her impending visit. Still hoping that working on a plan for it is enough to keep the hounds at bay.
That came out about as clear as mud. LOL
Today is my Day 21. A little bit on a few things:
Exercise hasn't yet returned but my daily activity level is really nice. I am seeing a minimal, but steady decrease on the scale each morning. A pound or two a day so far. I had gained up until 3 days ago.
I am tired at the end of the day but my day isn't ending at 6:30pm with me blackout drunk and I'm able to stay awake until bedtime. It isn't the same kind of tired as the past 13 years. I'm hoping to bump my regular bedtime back eventually. My current bedtime is 8pm. I would like to get to 10 pm again so I can be awake when my husband gets home from work. I also don't feel the need for midday naps (yes, there were more than one towards the end) like I used to.
My bank account is happier. My drink of choice wasn't cheap
Anyway. I have a couple more threads to read through and then I need to knock some things off my chore list before the heat really sets in. I will be checking in later but I wish you all a safe and sober day!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Thanks puck and good thing you don't really have the sugar bug. Kaptn, you are sounding good! I have had 2 red bulls today. My goal sugar wise is to not binge tonight before bed. Basically once I finish the red bull I am on that should do it for me mostly for the day. I gotta quit redbulls like I do alcohol haha. I have 3 more then I need to put the can down for a bit like I did in april and may.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Thanks Jewel well done on day 3
And well done on a week Redcard and Max
And 3 weeks today Kaptn, me too
Greentree a 6 mile walk is a much better idea than listening to the AV, well done
Puck I hope your Monday was better than expected. You too Charon, hope you’re feeling in a better mood soon.
I think early sobriety is a real roller coaster of emotions and moods. My moods are all over the place.
It’s Tuesday morning here. I hope you all have a good sober day, and a better day today if yesterday was a struggle.
well done on day 3 And well done on a week Redcard and Max
And 3 weeks today Kaptn, me too
Greentree a 6 mile walk is a much better idea than listening to the AV, well done
Puck I hope your Monday was better than expected. You too Charon, hope you’re feeling in a better mood soon.
I think early sobriety is a real roller coaster of emotions and moods. My moods are all over the place.
It’s Tuesday morning here. I hope you all have a good sober day, and a better day today if yesterday was a struggle.
Coffee Snob
Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 808
Originally Posted by Willow68
Thanks Jewel well done on day 3
And well done on a week Redcard and Max
And 3 weeks today Kaptn, me too
Greentree a 6 mile walk is a much better idea than listening to the AV, well done
Puck I hope your Monday was better than expected. You too Charon, hope you’re feeling in a better mood soon.
I think early sobriety is a real roller coaster of emotions and moods. My moods are all over the place.
It’s Tuesday morning here. I hope you all have a good sober day, and a better day today if yesterday was a struggle.
well done on day 3 And well done on a week Redcard and Max
And 3 weeks today Kaptn, me too
Greentree a 6 mile walk is a much better idea than listening to the AV, well done
Puck I hope your Monday was better than expected. You too Charon, hope you’re feeling in a better mood soon.
I think early sobriety is a real roller coaster of emotions and moods. My moods are all over the place.
It’s Tuesday morning here. I hope you all have a good sober day, and a better day today if yesterday was a struggle.
Thank you though.My day has been good, I'm just sleepy.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: Cali
Posts: 547
My favorite was the pink Monster or Go Girl! drinks. I don't drink them anymore. I had people I knew that drank them to excess and had issues. Freaked me out and I went back to Diet Coke. Too bad I didn't have that reaction to booze. Ugh.
And night snacking is awful! I eat my way past the desire to drink at night. Part of me is still in love with the romantic notion of a nightcap. My experience is that its the beginning of a bender if I can still drink before bedtime. It would be a celebratory time (until later). I usually was trying not to drunk text or call, or get into any "trouble" by late afternoon, passing out in front of the tv thinking no one would really notice and hoping it would keep me from doing things I had to answer for in the morning.
Evenings are hardest for me now.
And night snacking is awful! I eat my way past the desire to drink at night. Part of me is still in love with the romantic notion of a nightcap. My experience is that its the beginning of a bender if I can still drink before bedtime. It would be a celebratory time (until later). I usually was trying not to drunk text or call, or get into any "trouble" by late afternoon, passing out in front of the tv thinking no one would really notice and hoping it would keep me from doing things I had to answer for in the morning.
Evenings are hardest for me now.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Welcome Willow and Captain Haddock
congrats on a week greentree and redcardid
I was the black sheep for a long time too but since I've been sober I'm definitely more 'grown up' and that's been reflected in my relationships, even in my family.
It didn't happen overnight but I can clearly see the progression from this point.
D
congrats on a week greentree and redcardid
I was the black sheep for a long time too but since I've been sober I'm definitely more 'grown up' and that's been reflected in my relationships, even in my family.
It didn't happen overnight but I can clearly see the progression from this point.
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Getting into late afternoon evening here. Very little to no AV activity today with one week in. These first few days of the week are the highest typically but I just feel like I am kind of over it. The AV got its last stupid drink a week ago and now when it tries to get me on the same crap that it got me on last time I will easily see its BS. Just got done posting an "I am over it" rant in my journal but a good one. I am just kind of over this drinking and getting fat and old crap when I know I can do the opposite and get in the best shape of my life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southern Cali
Posts: 1,356
almost forgot to post today..:/ DAY 16. Good to see so many posts going. Welcome green and haddock! Glad I wasn't the only black sheep in the group haha. I def have issues with sugar when it comes to candy. Every day Mike and Ikes,Gummy Bears , or Sour Patch lol. But I do drink sugar free monsters and rockstars. I know I need to cut back eventually on sugar. But not right now :P ( I also am a Diet Coke, Diet Dr Pepper, Diet Cherry coke person)
My other addiction is Starbucks. I pretty much get some sort of iced coffee everyday. Sometimes getting it and sitting out in the outdoor sitting area just browsing through my phone. It's nice to get out during these times for my sanity. I also walk every night which I see alot of us do.
We just got told businesses are closing again in Cali. Such as indoor malls, hair salons, gyms etc. Some people are so hard headed, we were doing so well. I believe we opened too early.. I think our Governor and Mayor are doing a good job though. Anywho, hope everyone has a fabulous night and stays sober. Much love July gang!
Welcome green and haddock! Glad I wasn't the only black sheep in the group haha. I def have issues with sugar when it comes to candy. Every day Mike and Ikes,Gummy Bears , or Sour Patch lol. But I do drink sugar free monsters and rockstars. I know I need to cut back eventually on sugar. But not right now :P ( I also am a Diet Coke, Diet Dr Pepper, Diet Cherry coke person) My other addiction is Starbucks. I pretty much get some sort of iced coffee everyday. Sometimes getting it and sitting out in the outdoor sitting area just browsing through my phone. It's nice to get out during these times for my sanity. I also walk every night which I see alot of us do.
We just got told businesses are closing again in Cali. Such as indoor malls, hair salons, gyms etc. Some people are so hard headed, we were doing so well. I believe we opened too early.. I think our Governor and Mayor are doing a good job though. Anywho, hope everyone has a fabulous night and stays sober. Much love July gang!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 426
Day 8
Forgot how fragile body chemistry is in the early stages of quitting - feeling dog-rough after sugary food and pot noodles
I'm going back to chicken soup, and steamed rice and vegetables for at least a month
There seems to be a difference between just quitting and quitting for the rest of your life - seriously quitting forever takes off all the pressure and you just have to manage the detox and the permanent brain damage
Anyway - well done if you are still trying
Forgot how fragile body chemistry is in the early stages of quitting - feeling dog-rough after sugary food and pot noodles
I'm going back to chicken soup, and steamed rice and vegetables for at least a month
There seems to be a difference between just quitting and quitting for the rest of your life - seriously quitting forever takes off all the pressure and you just have to manage the detox and the permanent brain damage
Anyway - well done if you are still trying
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