Hi everyone, thanks for your kind replies. I didn't drink. I sat crying for hours and didn't eat. I've woken up and feel very sad, my husband has made me some beans on toast. Am going to try and get myself together.

I hope you'll eat something first in the short term and then think about seeing someone or talking to someone about your depression AK :)

D

I have been where you are many times. decided that I could not take on the day with what I have read, learned, done yesterdays.
I have a ritual that I do every morning before I start my day. I have things that I read on my phone, desktop, desk, everyday before I deal with the world. Everyday is the key word. I cannot go one day without going over my list of things to read in the morning. They are reminders of what I should watch for mindfully, why I should stay sober, cost and benefits of drinking or not, my values, scriptures....ect

Once we stop drinking, all the reasons we drink will usually come to light. The good part is that you can now properly deal with them and make real change.

it’s hard. It’s really ******* hard sometimes. But you have come this far and you owe yourself that chance. It’s gonna be painful and difficult and you’re gonna feel like drinking because it’s easier than going through the pain. Use whatever resources are available to you, and of course always come here to vent and talk about how you’re feeling. We’re all behind you.

Awwww, well at least you didn’t drink so give yourself a pat on the back for that. It sounds like you have loving caring people around you so whilst you’re waiting to see your doctor again, make it easier and steer clear of alcohol 🙂

Kitty, not drinking is great news, well done!

I too felt depressed last year and had suicidal ideation, after tumultuous events in my life. Sadly, I didn't reach out and seek help, instead I drank. I threw away two and a half years of sobriety, by listening to the AV that alleged I could 'switch off my thoughts and relax with a few drinks, for a few nights, help me to sleep etc." or words to that effect. I caved in and fell back into drinking excessively, making all of my problems seem worse, and my mental and physical health plummeted. Plus I was rendered incapable of dealing with my life. It took me many months to climb back out of the addiction pit, and on reflection, I very nearly didn't.

I realise none of us learn from other people's mistakes, but just thought I'd recount mine, to you. Please stay strong, Kitty, and maybe talk to someone, I found it really helped.

We are here to support you ... we can all help each other as you are doing now.

Have you considered working the AA program of recovery?

I am so sorry you are having a difficult time but drinking will only make everything worse. I once had a truly awful boss and she made my life a misery. It totally took over my life and I was anxious, depressed and in a terrible state. I ended up leaving the job. I wish I had had the courage to speak with her directly and/or speak with HR about the situation. It sounds as if the issue at work is fundamental in causing you such pain. please speak with your HR department and/or rep if there is such a thing. Or your manager's manager. Companies nowadays are much more on the ball about such issues and will be able to help you.

Great job not drinking. Just take it an hour at a time. Things will get better. Reach out here and we will help anytime!

I'm so glad you got through that. I hope you feel better. :)

Good for you! I'd much rather sit for a couple hours feeling sorry for myself/facing nonsense, than what can happen when I start drinking and then that nonsense is still there..silly and pointless cycle!

Made it through the weekend.
I'll be six months sober on Tuesday.
I know I'd have been devastated to lose that time and start again.
I've done some cross stitch and baking this weekend. Felt very heavy and weighed down.
I am going to try and make some positive steps this week, and see my doctor. I've made a schedule for the next few days of work. Oh I also applied for a new job today. I'm done with where I work, even though I love my job the workload and expectations are unreal. I need a new start.
thanks for being there xxxx

I’m so glad you didn’t turn to alcohol this weekend, AK!
Hang on, the depression and heaviness WILL leave.
Can you tell your husband how you feel?
Congratulations on 6 months and it’s very inspiring to see you made it through a rough time without drinking.

Way to go, AK!

:dance8:

So proud of you. :)

You are a strong person AK. An example in toughness. I hope the changes you seek make the difference and that easier times are ahead for you.

AK, good for you for deciding to try to find a new job. It did sound like your job was a big trigger in your life. I hope you find a job that suits you. And, good for you for getting through that tough time. :)

Great news you got through such a bad time. I hope you find a new job soon.

Sounds like you're doing really well in difficult circumstances.