Was initially too ashamed but am going to post anyway
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The doctor said everything feels ok in my stomach but of course ordered some blood tests. I made an appointment for that tomorrow morning at 8. She thinks more than anything the nausea, loss of appetite, vomiting (and various other symptoms) are due to me stopping to take the rivotril drops I took for anxiety. It is a benzo and I have used various benzo drops on and off for about the past 4 years. With my psychiatrist arrested and haven't found a new one I didn't have a prescription and just thought that now would be a good time to stop that too. I'm also quitting smoking! away with all chemicals! But she said (and I did know this) that stopping a benzo cold turkey was a very bad idea. I thought I could handle it but I guess it was too much all at once. She said I should go back on it and taper down. I asked her for the absolute lightest benzo available and a quick taper. She prescribed me lexotan and I have a schedule that will last about 5 weeks before I should be free of that too. Amazing how I never thought that would be a problem but it has become one. Never again.
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Thanks for asking. I am doing pretty good. I mean, what can I say, I FEEL great when I am not drinking. I need to get to work reeeeaaaaalllllllllly hard on preparing myself for the next stressful event. 'Cause it's coming, sooner or later, and that's when I crash and burn.
I should find out the results of my blood tests this evening at 18. I then have my online therapy with an American therapist via the Better Help app. I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist who also does psychotherapy on the 24th. According to her bio she specialises in addiction and dual diagnosis. I liked my old psychiatrist, although I only saw him every other month or so but he can't practice anymore so I'll try this woman.
I am also using something called Woebot. It is a free app in the app store, it is AMAZING! It is based of CBT, and helps you practice mindfulness by asking you some questions each day. It is really cool and very amazing technology, I encourage anyone to check it out.
I should find out the results of my blood tests this evening at 18. I then have my online therapy with an American therapist via the Better Help app. I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist who also does psychotherapy on the 24th. According to her bio she specialises in addiction and dual diagnosis. I liked my old psychiatrist, although I only saw him every other month or so but he can't practice anymore so I'll try this woman.
I am also using something called Woebot. It is a free app in the app store, it is AMAZING! It is based of CBT, and helps you practice mindfulness by asking you some questions each day. It is really cool and very amazing technology, I encourage anyone to check it out.
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Hi Mera,
I'm glad you are continuing to get medical help and therapy. I think your plan to come up with a way to deal with the next crisis that comes along is a really good one. It should give you confidence to know that you have something on paper you have worked on and that it will help you.
I'm glad you are continuing to get medical help and therapy. I think your plan to come up with a way to deal with the next crisis that comes along is a really good one. It should give you confidence to know that you have something on paper you have worked on and that it will help you.
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I spoke with my doctor, my blood work is ok. Not perfect, she said my liver stuff was very slightly elevated but nothing that stopping drinking couldn't reverse. She did say I had a high red blood cell count and I read a lot about that online- I must quit smoking! Which I am in the process of doing. I didn't smoke for four days last week, then I bought a pack on Friday and another on Saturday but stopped again Sunday. I also have high cholesterol which surprises me greatly considering I eat relatively healthy and exercise, but it can be hereditary. So I need to cut out cheeses, red meats, animal fats.
I am really disappointed though with my session yesterday on Better Help. I had really been enjoying my sessions and getting a lot out of them. When we started they (this person goes by a gender neutral pronoun) asked me what my three main goals were and my number one goal was remaining sober. Yesterday they asked me what I wanted to work on for the session and I said finding ways to combat stress in the moment to prevent me from seeking out alcohol as a solution. They started off with ways I could distract myself, I could take a nap, drink some juice and "pretend it was alcohol" (questionable but ok) and then said "or a glass of red wine, red wine is good for the heart and would be better than drinking vodka for example" Well first of all I never drink spirits, wine and beer are my go-to alcohols, and secondly, most importantly, having a glass of wine is NOT staying sober! I was shocked at this suggestion. I am going to give them a pass this time as they were experiencing a tremendous thunderstorm at the time and seemed very distracted. In fact, about 15 minutes into the session I suggested that we cancel and postpone because I could see they were very worried for their house/office. It did sound very bad there from what I could hear. I hope they were just distracted by the storm when they made this incredible suggestion.
I am really disappointed though with my session yesterday on Better Help. I had really been enjoying my sessions and getting a lot out of them. When we started they (this person goes by a gender neutral pronoun) asked me what my three main goals were and my number one goal was remaining sober. Yesterday they asked me what I wanted to work on for the session and I said finding ways to combat stress in the moment to prevent me from seeking out alcohol as a solution. They started off with ways I could distract myself, I could take a nap, drink some juice and "pretend it was alcohol" (questionable but ok) and then said "or a glass of red wine, red wine is good for the heart and would be better than drinking vodka for example" Well first of all I never drink spirits, wine and beer are my go-to alcohols, and secondly, most importantly, having a glass of wine is NOT staying sober! I was shocked at this suggestion. I am going to give them a pass this time as they were experiencing a tremendous thunderstorm at the time and seemed very distracted. In fact, about 15 minutes into the session I suggested that we cancel and postpone because I could see they were very worried for their house/office. It did sound very bad there from what I could hear. I hope they were just distracted by the storm when they made this incredible suggestion.
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Maybe take a break from these psychologists/counselors, Mera? I don't know you, but I personally never found them helpful for addiction. Some made my issues worse straight with their own behavior and misguided views, and typically I educated them about addiction and recovery tools, not vice versa. Plus paid them. No, thanks.
Glad to hear your bloodwork is relatively okay and hope that take some worry off your shoulder now. Keep it that way and improved!
I don't know you, but I personally never found them helpful for addiction. Some made my issues worse straight with their own behavior and misguided views, and typically I educated them about addiction and recovery tools, not vice versa. Plus paid them. No, thanks. Glad to hear your bloodwork is relatively okay and hope that take some worry off your shoulder now. Keep it that way and improved!
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Thanks for asking. I am actually not doing very well. I was in a bad spot this morning but was able to get on my bike and go to the local ambulance. I didn't want to call for them. I said I felt like I was having a stroke or heart attack or something. They took my blood pressure and checked me out. I am fine. Just stress they say. But I really and truly feel like something is very wrong with me. I am going to go back to see my doctor on Monday. She thinks it is the benzo withdrawal, I don't know.... I just can't seem to get out of this horrible cycle of feeling ill and am scared.
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I think I quit too many things all at once but don't know what to do, I don't want to go back to any of them. I stopped alcohol, nicotine, benzos and caffeine all at once. I don't think this was such a smart idea.
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Benzo withdrawal can be one of the most difficult from all substances, including recreational or medicinal. The system really needs to change in how often and without consideration for the individual doctors prescribe them. Depending on the specific drug, your dosage, frequency, and how long you used them, the withdrawal can also last quite long. I never took them but it is infamous and I saw it in others quite a few times. It can produce not only severe mental symptoms but also physical ones - why it is so important to titrate down slowly. Are you off the alcohol now? If yes, and if you still feel so uncomfortable withdrawing, I would get back to the doctor and ask for a different strategy.
Just saw the second post. That's definitely a lot and they are all substances that have an anti-anxiety effect while on them (minus the caffeine, but a habit itself can be calming) - of course stopping all of them at once will have cumulative effect. I definitely would not pick up the drink or smoke but, as said, you can discuss all this with a doctor and adjust your quitting strategy.
Just saw the second post. That's definitely a lot and they are all substances that have an anti-anxiety effect while on them (minus the caffeine, but a habit itself can be calming) - of course stopping all of them at once will have cumulative effect. I definitely would not pick up the drink or smoke but, as said, you can discuss all this with a doctor and adjust your quitting strategy.
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Originally Posted by Aellyce2 
Benzo withdrawal can be one of the most difficult from all substances, including recreational or medicinal. The system really needs to change in how often and without consideration for the individual doctors prescribe them. Depending on the specific drug, your dosage, frequency, and how long you used them, the withdrawal can also last quite long. I never took them but it is infamous and I saw it in others quite a few times. It can produce not only severe mental symptoms but also physical ones - why it is so important to titrate down slowly. Are you off the alcohol now? If yes, and if you still feel so uncomfortable withdrawing, I would get back to the doctor and ask for a different strategy.
I just really need to get in with the new doctor. I need a medically supervised plan for this. I simply cannot handle it on my own and am rotating between my various addictions to simply be able to get out of bed. I just want all the poison out of my system but recognise I need medical help to do this. I am hanging on by a thin string until my appointment on the 24th. I hope she can give me some answers on how to best handle this.
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