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Was initially too ashamed but am going to post anyway

Old 06-27-2020, 10:17 AM
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Mera, I know you spent last summer with your Dad and found it helpful. But that was before Covid and things turning upside down. I honestly don't think you should ask your Dad to come to Italy. Things are so up in the air right now, he could easily be stuck there. I don't know how often you will be able to see your boys if you remain in Italy. But, it's good to know that your boys' Dad would sent them to visit you 4 times a year if you moved back to the U.S. How would that work with their school year? And, what would you do in the U.S. that would make things better for you? I'm just asking this so that you are clear in your mind that moving away from Italy would really helpful to you.
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Old 06-27-2020, 11:47 AM
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Hey Mera - first time I have posted on your thread(I don't post a lot). I believe you should focus on getting sober for good and than make big decisions. I live in the U.S. It's hard to find a job. The virus has shut everything down

I'd just stay where you are, stay sober, be a mother to your kids (they need that), Your kids need a sober mother [- everyday.

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Old 06-27-2020, 01:14 PM
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I was actually thinking about your dad.is it possible for you to come to the US for a bit? I know leaving the kids
wouldn't be easy, but you seemed to do really well when you stayed with your dad. Sending so much love to you my friend. You have done this before, and I k ow you can do it again.

❤️ Delilah
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Old 06-27-2020, 01:18 PM
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I know this would be very difficult, but it might be what you need to do for you.
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Old 06-28-2020, 11:05 PM
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Day 1, I am going to do this. 12 hours in a feeling so horrible.
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Old 06-28-2020, 11:15 PM
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Do it Mera! Make it your last damn time that you have to go through this. 12 more hours and you should be feeling a lot better.
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Old 06-28-2020, 11:17 PM
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The first few days, you know, are tough Meraviglioso. It gets a bit smoother after that.

Post often. Stick with us!
Good luck to you on your sober journey.
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Old 06-29-2020, 12:01 AM
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I am a serial relapser myself, Mera. My drinking has driven away many women in my life. I have been in that situation of eating dinner at a restaurant with a date, having a drink, and next thing I know I am on a week long bender. I hate being an alcoholic....
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Old 06-29-2020, 05:17 AM
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Please stay close and post often, Mera - you can absolutely do this. We are here with you.
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Old 06-29-2020, 10:07 AM
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Rooting for you
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Old 06-29-2020, 07:08 PM
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Sending you so much love Mera!! ❤️
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Old 06-29-2020, 07:12 PM
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Im back after bad week as well. Day 2. We got this! It must end!

Originally Posted by Meraviglioso View Post
And, here we are again. I drank. It has been bad. A very bad week.
A few things that sent me down the path. I had a meeting with my son's psychologist, which always sets me off, then a meeting with my CTP person who is monitoring me during the legal issues with my ex. My ex and I discussed ending everything now so we don't have to spend any more money. I would agree that he has full custody for now, but we could change that in the future. We would use a third party to decide how and when I could see the kids. My new psychiatrist (not the old one I had problems with) was arrested and charged with defrauding the government for false medical stuff- I can't even believe this, he is absolutely the most caring, loyal, incredible doctor I have ever met. But it will be a process for him and I am sorry about that. I haven't been on meds since September but was required to meet with him for legal reasons, now I need to find a new doctor, hopefully one who is supportive of my "no meds" approach. My long-term boyfriend, with whom I had a very on and off relationship has finally left me for good. Really, the end.
I just can't take anymore. But I know the ONLY way forward is sobriety, I have to get back there. NOTHING will improve if I keep drinking.
I didn't want to post because I was too embarrassed, but I realise now I have to be honest or nothing will change.
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Old 06-29-2020, 08:47 PM
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How did today go Mera? Those day 1's are brutal but necessary. Anyone with a thousand days sober has all of those foundational early days. Day 1. Day 2 and on and on. They are the foundational days. Get through them and build on top of that tough base. They will support what you build on top of them.
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Old 06-30-2020, 03:37 AM
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It was bad, bad, bad. So much suffering. I made an appointment with my family doctor for this Friday, I want to get a general check-up. I am afraid I have cancer or something serious, I am so weak, my stomach hurts all the time (I can't tell if it is a problem or just anxiety), I can barely eat, have near constant nausea. Better to get checked out I guess.
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Old 06-30-2020, 04:10 AM
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I'm glad you're going to get checked out.

D
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Old 06-30-2020, 05:27 AM
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By the time I did my “big quit” nearly 8 years ago now, I was barely eating, stomach always hurting, and passing blood at times in both directions.

It all cleared up quickly with sobriety and self-care. Now, at 56, I am in the best shape I ever have been since I was in my teens. Don’t assume the worst because alcohol is truly toxic poison, and the body has an amazing capacity to both heal, as well as to let us know when we are deeply off the rails and need to mend our ways.

You can quit for good and heal. Glad you are seeing a doctor.
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Old 06-30-2020, 08:43 AM
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I am glad to hear you are seeing a doctor for your physical health, Mera. Like many of us, I also had the experiences of feeling extremely sick and thinking I had done serious damage to my body. And, like for many of us, all of those things cleared up with sustained sobriety. It took a while though when I first quit and after a bad relapse that lasted a couple months. Maybe ask the doctor about potential new treatments for anxiety and cravings that are not habit-forming and you could take as needed, not constantly.

Best of luck!
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Old 06-30-2020, 09:07 PM
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Hi Mera,

I am so sorry you’re feeling so lousy, you know it will get better each day. Any more thoughts about going back to be with your dad?
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Old 07-01-2020, 01:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Delilah1 View Post
Hi Mera,

I am so sorry you’re feeling so lousy, you know it will get better each day. Any more thoughts about going back to be with your dad?

Unfortunately with the new ruling from the EU that is impossible now. I could theoretically go, but there is no guarantee on when or if I would be allowed back into Italy.
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Old 07-01-2020, 02:10 AM
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I cancelled my English lessons for this morning and moved my appointment up. Am headed out in just a few minutes. I hope she can help me.
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