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Old 06-26-2020, 08:30 AM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MaximusD View Post
Wow. Today has been a turning point. I actually feel normal again. Went for a 2 mile walk with my son and we saw water birds and butterflies and lizards and sun flowers and tomatoes and airplanes and chickens and horses. (The reason I write it like that is that is the way it feels with a 2 year old ) I am starting to feel like I did during april and may when I quit for 60 days. Finding things to do despite being stuck at home. Still sucks its hot but my mood has improved. Sleep was still shotty last night but not bad. Anyway, things are so much better now on day 6. Funny thing is, I know this because I have done this so much. My withdrawals aren't as bad because I spend much of the year not drinking. The issue here is the cycle. Quit for 2 or 3 months, binge for a week and then do it all over again. Where I really need to watch out is once I have been sober a month or two. Funny thing though that bastard AV suggested that since I was finally feeling good I should celebrate with.....you guessed it....alcohol. That bastard pissed off real quick cause I almost slapped him in the face.
I'd suggest you re-read your above post, Max, when the AV rises it's Beastly head/voice. You witnessing the wonderment of your two year old son walking out in the world: your mood improved; you telling the b*stard AV where to go! You've got this Mx, if you want it! Don't let the autonomous tiny chimp part of the brain dictate to the pre-frontal cortex Max, who can ignore it.
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Old 06-27-2020, 11:35 PM
  # 42 (permalink)  
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Thank you Tatsy and your right, I will read that post if the AV speaks up. AV has been mostly quiet. I have been staying busy today. Made a birdhouse with my wife and son today. Weather was a bit cooler so I could do more stuff outside which was nice. Ending day 9!
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Old 06-28-2020, 12:12 AM
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Great job Max!
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Old 06-28-2020, 03:24 AM
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I hope you have a great Sunday Max.
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Old 06-28-2020, 04:01 AM
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Nice post, Max, sober family life! It will be great for your son, if a pair of birds set up home. Congratulations on Day 9, this could very well be your last Day 9, and sobriety become the norm. Oh, just read back and 'last Day 9' sounds ominous, but I hope you get what I meant, sobriety-wise, not last day on the planet wise!
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Old 06-28-2020, 06:00 AM
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Nice work Max.
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Old 06-29-2020, 12:29 AM
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Ending day 10. Now Monday's are when the AV pipes up and Mondays have been the start of my binging the last few times. I must be vigilant tomorrow. Finished the bird house, now just need to put clear coat on it. My son splattered paint on it with his fingers and hands. It is just a mess of a bunch of colors I will pop on here in the morning to reaffirm that I am not giving in to the AV if it pipes up.
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Old 06-29-2020, 12:35 AM
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Hey Max...you are doing really well. Just keep an eye on your thinking and what you are telling yourself.

Wow...you pattern is almost the same as mine. Sober for 2-3 months, then a week long binge. It's been hard to break but we are both doing it. Well done to you xxx
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Old 06-29-2020, 08:29 AM
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I want to make a note to myself. In reading around the forums this morning there is a lot of talk about decades. Some are quitting in their late 20s and looking to their 30s while some are in their 50s and wishing they were sober in their 40s. I am almost 40 and resolve to do two things:

1. Not drink anymore and have my 40s be totally sober
2. Get in the best shape of my life by 40 and beyond.

Monday mornings lately are a trigger. Not anymore it seems or at least not this morning. Came right here to post.
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Old 06-29-2020, 09:34 AM
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Originally Posted by MaximusD View Post
Get in the best shape of my life by 40 and beyond.
I’m doing triathlons at 50. I’ve shocked myself doing this as two years ago I was BMI 32 and just a drunk. If I’d seen the light ten years earlier as you have, I’d have had a great 40s. I can’t do much about that now except thank my lucky stars I finally quit as I was almost certainly heading for liver and other problems.

40 is no age. The world’s your oyster, Max! I envy you your sober 40s. Don’t waste them like I did 🙂👍
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Old 06-29-2020, 09:48 AM
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Thanks Hodd! I envy you! I am not out of shape by any means but my joints all seem shot. I can't run anymore and now my shoulders are messed up. Just figured out a few days ago I can't hang from a bar either! How do you manage that at 50? Right now my main motivation is just trying to stop having pain in all my joints. I MIGHT be 5 pounds overweight if that. I have a slight belly but am not out of shape so I don't know why my body is so painful.
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Old 06-29-2020, 11:21 AM
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Originally Posted by MaximusD View Post
I don't know why my body is so painful.
I can’t answer that one, Max 😀

You don’t sound that out of shape so starting off easy is the only way. Our cardiovascular systems improve very quickly once we start exercising, but our muscles and skeletons are slow to catch up! I’ve had a few injuries as you’d expect from a 240lb (now 200lb) guy trying to run. These were all fixed quickly by a physio (expensive but I had to use my old beer money somewhere). That’s the secret. Too many people give up running due to aches and pains that are easily fixed.


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Old 06-29-2020, 11:28 AM
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That is what I need to remember. I need to stretch and do more mobility exercises. I was in the Army so that is probably what it is from. Jumping out of plans probably isn't the easiest on the joints
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Old 06-30-2020, 09:37 AM
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Day 12

Lots of AV activity this morning. Whew. Going to go down to the I won't drink this hour for now. Need to stay busy. I am trying to figure out why but also I don't want to think about it so much.
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Old 06-30-2020, 10:21 AM
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Wow, Hodd, triathlons...at ANY age, is amazing!

Max, who controls your hands? Ask your AV to wiggle your little finger, when you don't want it to. See? The AV can't move your little finger, let alone your hand that it wants to pick up a drink with. It's not possible. You are in control of your body, Max. Your AV is just an urge, habit, learned response, which can be dismissed. You don't have to carry out it's mandate, it's actually powerless, without you doing it's bidding. Your choice Max. Listen to the AV, and act like it's slave; or act like you, and not drink.


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Old 06-30-2020, 10:26 AM
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Take very deep breaths. You don't negotiate with the AV anymore. Focus on the worst moment drinking caused for you....bring up the image and FOCUS on it. Just think about how relieved you'll feel when tomorrow comes and you're still sober. Your son needs you. Remember this feeling you have won't last. And fill the void with something pleasurable if you can. I'm trying all kinds of things.
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Old 06-30-2020, 10:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Tatsy View Post
Wow, Hodd, triathlons...at ANY age, is amazing!

Max, who controls your hands?
Thanks, they’re pretty doable. It’s a 400 metre swim, a 20Km bike ride and a 5Km run. I have to be honest and say I have to stop 2 or 3 times in the swimming as I’m weak at that part, but that’s OK. The rest is about taking it easy. Good fun and good camaraderie with club mates.

Hey Max, I didn’t know you get urges in the morning too. Hang on in there, but have you tried drugs such as Campril? You’re doing well!
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Old 06-30-2020, 10:56 AM
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To quote a post today, from a friend of mine, way back on the SR AVRT threads, which I think may be apt for you, Max:

Originally Posted by AlericB View Post
To break the power that drink, drugs or anything that has a damaging hold on us we have to snap the chains that are enslaving us and take back the power that should be ours.

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Old 06-30-2020, 12:13 PM
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Thanks everyone. I am going hour by hour but I think I am through the worst of it. I am making my sobriety #1 and keep telling the AV to **** off. AVRT is probably my favorite recovery tool so thank you Tatsy for bringing that up. Sober45, I am doing just as you say and thinking of all the crap that this poison has put me through. If I break and drink today I would be lucky if I could stop at this one day of drinking. History shows it is at least a few days before I can stop it again.

Hodd, most of my urges are in the morning. I don't get the typical Friday or Saturday urges anymore because my wife would kill me so most of my urges are when she is not here. Back in 2012 at my worst I drank everyday basically for months and got crazy strong urges after work. Finishing up lunch with my son. We worked in the garden some. Built a drip line for Mommas blueberry plants and went for a short walk. My son started falling asleep in his stroller because he woke up early (630) so we turned around because it was too early for him to nap. One day at a time. One hour at a time. Without being active like I am on SR I am sure I would have slipped by now. Just shows me how I need to stay active here and post regularly for a while.
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Old 06-30-2020, 02:57 PM
  # 60 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MaximusD View Post

Hodd, most of my urges are in the morning. I don't get the typical Friday or Saturday urges anymore
Interesting. We’re all different. When my friends wanted to go lunchtime drinking, I never felt like drinking, but come 7 o’clock aka beer o’clock, a switch in my brain clicked on and I needed a few.

So your urges are usually in the morning?


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