Hello! I'm new and on day 22
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 5
Hello! I'm new and on day 22
Hello,
Hope I'm posting in the right place. My story is probably like many of yours... From teenage years I quickly identified that alcohol made me feel less anxious and gave me self esteem.
I think I also am quite sensitive to dopamine levels as I am very "bingey"... Once I start I just guzzle it down quickly. I also do the same with food and cigarettes while drunk, eating so fast I'm nearly sick and chain smoking 20 cigarettes. Sort of greediness if that makes sense. Stephen Fry described it very well in the Gluttony episode of his 7 Deadly Sins podcast.
I've always know I drink too much, too fast. I've quit twice in the past for a few months, once at uni because I was going through a breakdown and it exacerbated self harming and five years ago when I did outpatient rehab for benzo addiction when my mum was dying. Both times once I got into the swing of it I felt fine. Neither time I ever intended to quit for good.
I'm 32 have a lovely partner and we're currently "stuck" abroad as we were traveling when Covid hit.
With no structure to my day and falling among thieves at the hostel we were staying at I was getting drunk a lot and noticed I was even more anxious about running out than before. My whole day was structured around when we'd started drinking in the evening and I always steered others towards drinking so I could too.
Anyway one day I woke up hungover on what would have been mums 64th Birthday and I cried and told my partner I had a drinking problem.
I'm doing ok but having cravings. Was very twitchy and weepy at first. Sleep is improving gradually. I've done loads of things that really trigger my anxiety over the past few days and managed to get through them all!
I look forward to getting to know you all x
Hope I'm posting in the right place. My story is probably like many of yours... From teenage years I quickly identified that alcohol made me feel less anxious and gave me self esteem.
I think I also am quite sensitive to dopamine levels as I am very "bingey"... Once I start I just guzzle it down quickly. I also do the same with food and cigarettes while drunk, eating so fast I'm nearly sick and chain smoking 20 cigarettes. Sort of greediness if that makes sense. Stephen Fry described it very well in the Gluttony episode of his 7 Deadly Sins podcast.
I've always know I drink too much, too fast. I've quit twice in the past for a few months, once at uni because I was going through a breakdown and it exacerbated self harming and five years ago when I did outpatient rehab for benzo addiction when my mum was dying. Both times once I got into the swing of it I felt fine. Neither time I ever intended to quit for good.
I'm 32 have a lovely partner and we're currently "stuck" abroad as we were traveling when Covid hit.
With no structure to my day and falling among thieves at the hostel we were staying at I was getting drunk a lot and noticed I was even more anxious about running out than before. My whole day was structured around when we'd started drinking in the evening and I always steered others towards drinking so I could too.
Anyway one day I woke up hungover on what would have been mums 64th Birthday and I cried and told my partner I had a drinking problem.
I'm doing ok but having cravings. Was very twitchy and weepy at first. Sleep is improving gradually. I've done loads of things that really trigger my anxiety over the past few days and managed to get through them all!
I look forward to getting to know you all x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Welcome to SR FruitSplash. Nice work on 22 days. That must be tough in your current environment. Any chance you can get home any time soon? With 22 days I would start working on a plan to stay sober long term. What tools will you use to stay sober? Get a journal going if you haven't already. Good luck and keep posting and tell us how things are going.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Welcome, FruitSplash! How great to have you join us.
Yes, definitely twitchy and weepy at first. We're adjusting to a whole new way of living. Even though I knew quitting was imperative, I felt resentful & deprived in the early days. Which was ridiculous - because in the end, drinking did nothing but make me anxious & miserable - the very things I thought I was avoiding by consuming. Plus, being much older than you, I had graduated to all day, every day drinking. It's where we're headed if we don't see the light - so congratulations for taking control of your life & recognizing what needed to happen. I hope you'll read & post often - it's saved me from feeling alone in the fight.
Yes, definitely twitchy and weepy at first. We're adjusting to a whole new way of living. Even though I knew quitting was imperative, I felt resentful & deprived in the early days. Which was ridiculous - because in the end, drinking did nothing but make me anxious & miserable - the very things I thought I was avoiding by consuming. Plus, being much older than you, I had graduated to all day, every day drinking. It's where we're headed if we don't see the light - so congratulations for taking control of your life & recognizing what needed to happen. I hope you'll read & post often - it's saved me from feeling alone in the fight.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
COVID is really bad/ dangerous and in so many countries. Its all very sad. But alcohol is a mega desroyer too that also creates pitiful lives.
At the end chapter it can cause delirium tremens or wet brain as AA people who visit these victims know too well.
On a cheerier note, congrats on 22 days and keep on keeping on.
At the end chapter it can cause delirium tremens or wet brain as AA people who visit these victims know too well.
On a cheerier note, congrats on 22 days and keep on keeping on.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 5
Thank for writing back everyone! We don't have any plans to go home yet; home is riddled with Covid and there is literally none here so we're going to stay put til our Visas run out. It's good for my sobriety in many ways because there absolutely no pressure to go out and drink from my old friends or anything. My partner's really supportive and has stopped drinking too so that's helping.
Even though I've had periods of quitting before I've noticed a couple of things this time that I didn't before:
- the psychological symptoms are REAL. I now see the reason I didn't get any last time is because I'd just started my benzo taper and was on about 8 people's worth of Valium a day. When people said "psychological dependency" I thought that meant it's basically all in your head and sort of made up...I didn't know any of the things I now know about your brain being rewired!
- thought I get cravings at all sorts of times they do seem to correspond to hunger/thirst too (presumably because every single evening meal for god knows how long has involved wine whilst cooking and throughout. I guess that toes into the whole dopamine thing? As in my body is anticipating booze is coming because it always does when I'm cooking dinner.
- I've been thinking a lot about the reasons I started drinking heavily to start with (which is essentially opening a horrible Pandora's Box).
I feel generally positive but still having trouble looking at the big picture as it's too scary (e.g I'm still feeling like I'm never going to have any fun again and sort of mourning that). Most of the time I'm really upbeat. I've never been this determined before as the other two times I quit I only intended to quit for a little bit, where as now I know it needs to be a permanent change.
Even though I've had periods of quitting before I've noticed a couple of things this time that I didn't before:
- the psychological symptoms are REAL. I now see the reason I didn't get any last time is because I'd just started my benzo taper and was on about 8 people's worth of Valium a day. When people said "psychological dependency" I thought that meant it's basically all in your head and sort of made up...I didn't know any of the things I now know about your brain being rewired!
- thought I get cravings at all sorts of times they do seem to correspond to hunger/thirst too (presumably because every single evening meal for god knows how long has involved wine whilst cooking and throughout. I guess that toes into the whole dopamine thing? As in my body is anticipating booze is coming because it always does when I'm cooking dinner.
- I've been thinking a lot about the reasons I started drinking heavily to start with (which is essentially opening a horrible Pandora's Box).
I feel generally positive but still having trouble looking at the big picture as it's too scary (e.g I'm still feeling like I'm never going to have any fun again and sort of mourning that). Most of the time I'm really upbeat. I've never been this determined before as the other two times I quit I only intended to quit for a little bit, where as now I know it needs to be a permanent change.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
You are doing great, and you will have fun again.
And, yes, part of alcoholism is the habit part, I think, where you are talking about expecting wine to be available when you are cooking and eating your meal. As you said, we can re-program our brains and learn new, healthy habits.
Looking into the reasons you drank is so important, I believe. For me, I had to deal with the underlying issues in my life in order to maintain sobriety and recover.
And, yes, part of alcoholism is the habit part, I think, where you are talking about expecting wine to be available when you are cooking and eating your meal. As you said, we can re-program our brains and learn new, healthy habits.
Looking into the reasons you drank is so important, I believe. For me, I had to deal with the underlying issues in my life in order to maintain sobriety and recover.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,937
Originally Posted by FruitSplash 
Thanks so much for the encouragement everyone. The wine cravings are SO STRONG it's actually shocking me a bit. I'm not going to give in but it puts me in a horrible mood and makes me feel hopeless.
But that feeling fades over the weeks and months ahead. It’s essential you don’t drink at all in this time of you’ll be back to day one levels of cravings. Give it three months, and I promise you thinks will me better, and you’ll wonder why you didn’t quit before.
I still get urges now, but they’re weak and infrequent. I’d bet my house that I’d be a regular heavy drinker by this time next week if I had a glass of red now, but I really really enjoy life now I don’t drink.
Are you still stranded abroad? If you quit in those circumstances, you really have done well. It doesn’t matter where you quit. Well done for admitting you have a problem.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Eastern US
Posts: 1,386
Originally Posted by Hodd
Welcome to my world, or my world of 18 months ago. Yes, the lure of wine is a powerful thing. At the start of 2019, I’d just quit and was literally sitting on my hands bored and anxious thinking every evening would be that miserable for the rest of my life.
But that feeling fades over the weeks and months ahead. It’s essential you don’t drink at all in this time of you’ll be back to day one levels of cravings. Give it three months, and I promise you thinks will me better, and you’ll wonder why you didn’t quit before.
I still get urges now, but they’re weak and infrequent. I’d bet my house that I’d be a regular heavy drinker by this time next week if I had a glass of red now, but I really really enjoy life now I don’t drink.
Are you still stranded abroad? If you quit in those circumstances, you really have done well. It doesn’t matter where you quit. Well done for admitting you have a problem.
But that feeling fades over the weeks and months ahead. It’s essential you don’t drink at all in this time of you’ll be back to day one levels of cravings. Give it three months, and I promise you thinks will me better, and you’ll wonder why you didn’t quit before.
I still get urges now, but they’re weak and infrequent. I’d bet my house that I’d be a regular heavy drinker by this time next week if I had a glass of red now, but I really really enjoy life now I don’t drink.
Are you still stranded abroad? If you quit in those circumstances, you really have done well. It doesn’t matter where you quit. Well done for admitting you have a problem.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
have you seen this thread FruitSplash?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)
D
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)
D
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