Al5

For anyone who thinks they can drink normally again after a period of abstinence, don't bother...

I was a heavy drinker from the age of around 23 to 39. It ramped up from a few beers to several litres of wine or a litre of spirits a day at the peak. When I quit it was cold turkey and took effort and perseverance but it was an achievement and something to be proud of. It was for me a status, a statement to make and be proud of. When someone asked me why I didn't drink, I was happy to tell them I was sober because I had a problem with alcohol. Why be ashamed? Everyone likes a story, something that makes you different from the crowd... I know others have different reactions but maybe it's my age and social circles (most people I speak to say they drink too much and want to cut down).

After having just one night of relaxation and a glass or two of wine, I was back into the cycle.... yeah not anything as bad as before, but if I let it, it would soon ramp back up. I enjoy feeling drunk, the buzz you get from a few glasses, but after that, it's destruction, checking emails, social media posts, whatsapp messages in disgust at what I posted, waking up depressed, anxious and missing the sober days...

I miss from my abstinence...

1. No hangovers
2. feeling nimble, no sluggishness and stiffness due to water retention
3. clothes that fit and are not irritably tight
4. eating healthy and not desiring junk
5. proper sleep and waking refreshed
6. not craving alcohol
7. Not feeling guilty
8. wanting to exercise
9. working a full 10 hour day without the feeling to lie down and rest
10. being proud to be sober
11. turning down a drink - yes, I enjoyed the feeling of having the power to do so...

Back on it but just don't relapse, not worth the crap.

Surrendered19

Great post AI5. That is great stuff. I am 7 months sober and the irrational thought of just one evening of drinking does enter my head occasionally. I'm not even close to giving into that nonsense, but it is shocking my AV keeps trying. I love your sobriety list.

BackandScared

Thank you for the reminder.

Anna

Oh, the anxiety, so not worth it. I'm glad you're back.

MaximusD

I have been in the cycle of relapse and quit for some time now. Like you said I just need to persevere.

Hodd

Thanks for the reminder.

There are no success stories out there of a recovering alcoholic ever successfully becoming a moderate drinker. As we all have or had a problem with alcohol, we have two choices:

1. Never drink again

or

2. Be a heavy drinker

Any attempt to be a moderate drinker will end up as choice 2.

Dee74

Al

D

PeacefulWater12

Thank you for your post. I found it helpful.

pinkbutterfly20

Thanks for this reminder and perspective! I was really encouraged by it as I am up with insomnia and fighting the idea of just having a little drink to help me sleep! Not worth it!

Reid82

Yep, not worth it and it does get worse.

Steely

Thanks Al. Terrific post.

D122y

I have been here about 5 years and I have never ever ever ever seen someone check in and say they figured it out

Nobody has admitted they were a drunken mess, got clean, and then went back to the drink and not turn their world, mind and body back into a toilet.

Welcome back!

Nice folks always say fear wont keep me sober. I have to work a program.

I believe this online forum is a program.

Flipping open my chrome laptop and being able to scroll through good, bad, and the ugly, pick my topic of choice and offer my 2 cents.

If I have a problem I ask for help and get a half dozen or more answers. If I have a solution for someones problem, I offer it.

This and other online communities are proving that addiction support is possible for a certain type of addict.

Some folks need more, some less.

I see folks checking in here with less than 200 posts in 7 years, but they tout this place.

Love and Thanks.

Hodd

I found it slightly heartbreaking at first to know that I couldn’t drink again, but once someone realises that, life gets a whole lot easier.

It seems that the message isn’t clear to many. An alcoholic can never moderate their drinking.

I don’t know what would happen if I had a glass of wine now, maybe nothing or maybe my altered brain chemistry would welcome back its old friend and cause me to crave another glass the next day and so on. It’s easier to admit defeat and not try in the first place.

People mention AA and counsellors, but we’re adults and should be able to make the right decisions for ourselves.