AwkwardKitty

Today I went into work for the first time in 15 weeks. It was good to be there, I felt really positive and good about things. I haven't slept well for months but have only had a few hours sleep this week.
Then this evening a "craving" just hit me and I really felt like I wanted to drink, I thought it over and over for hours.
Husband went out for a walk and I told him to get me beer. He refused and came back without. I think I was testing him. But I think if he had got some I might have drank. Even though theres some of his craft beers in the fridge but I never really drank those anyway. But there was booze in the house if I'd really wanted it.
It's been quite a while since I've felt that intense desire. Maybe it was the feeling good, I often used to drink when I was 'on a high' or busy.
I'm on day 170 alcohol free. It's always so disappointing when those feelings creep up on you.
I've felt really tense and irritable since.

Dee74

I'm glad your husband didn't cooperate.

You have 6 months - thats great and would be an awful shame to throw that away.
Going back to work is a massive change tho.

I think it's pretty important you do a little more thinking about what you can do when cravings hit ?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)
D

AwkwardKitty

One of the things that I think has kept me sober has been worrying about getting alcohol poisoning or having a bad reaction and needing to go to hospital, but not being able to get treatment or catching covid.
Maybe as some things go back to normal those anxieties are lessening.
I did a puzzle, I ate cake, I made tea and I started building my sons mud kitchen I got him and a surprise.
I was really tense and angry, I still am. I'm overtired, depressed and stressed anyway.
I dont know if I really meant it when I told him to get me beer. I think it was a test? To see if he got me some. Maybe if he did then I'd have felt like I had permission?
I have a late night shop a 2 minute walk away, I can go and get beer anytime I want,so I'm not convinced I really wanted it.
Guess its resetting those old habits and triggers still.

Dee74

Sounds like my AV to be honest, AK - if someone else gets me beer its not my fault.
You had a lucky escape - you can be more ready next time

D

Surrendered19

I'm so glad you didn't drink AwkwardKitty. I think you are demonstrating one of the things I like about sobriety. Being able to recognize that you are irritated, a bit angry, and what is causing that. You can think it through and although it is not easy, your mind is capable of recognizing things for what they are. A key to, and benefit of, sobriety in my humble opinion.

D122y

After about 3 weeks sober, we have a new habit of not drinking.

Choosing to drink after that time would be breaking that habit.

SR has taught me all about what booze does to me.

I know without a doubt that if I relapsed I would immediately feel weak during my workouts.

My BP would go up. My sleep pattern would be altered. I would also get sick easier.

Why do I need a drink to escape reality. I don't want to lose any more reality than I already did.

My confidence would be altered as well. I would be chemically altered.

So many bad things will happen just to escape reality.

I just had a bowl of ramen. It had spinach, eggs, and cheese. It was delicious. During every bite, my reality was altered.

I worked out this morning. As I lifted the heavy heavy weight, I got an adrenaline/dopamine/endorphin rush. I was high on life.

That is how I want to live for the rest of my life. High on life. No booze required.

Drinking has been unlearned.

Thanks.

least

When I started practicing gratitude every day, the cravings went away. Not immediately, but they did go away. Gratitude is my go-to for everything.

Mamatembo

Almost. That's a great word in this context!

​​​​​​Nice work not drinking. And hubby did the right thing too.

Anna

AK, I hope you stop feeling disappointed in yourself for having a craving. You got through it and that's what counts. And, I truly believe, that each time you get through a craving, it will be easier the next time.

dpac414

Agreed with everyone here. You recognized what was going on, and you thankfully got away unscathed. I think it's also important that you acknowledged that as things return to "normal" (as normal as they can be) some of those old habits and thoughts may come back. It seems like you had a decent plan in place to deal with it (cake, tea etc) but I would stay on your toes; those cravings can hit you at any time. People often say here that fear doesn't keep you sober, and you've also realized that. Once that fear goes away, it's important to still have legs to stand on and have a sober life you want to live and continue living. It's been wild having any kind of life during the pandemic but you're definitely on the right path.

Also, six months sober is still pretty normal for having cravings. I'm over a year and I still get them sometimes. But with each one you beat your mind gets stronger and they become easier. Keep pushing forward.

Jim1958

I still get cravings too. Something that has helped me which might help you too. I look at my drinking like a prison cell. I have escaped, and I don't want to go back. If I start drinking again it will be right back to the cell. You did the right thing by not drinking. Best wishes in your recovery.

brighterday1234

It’s essential to keep strengthening your recovery and to keep growing spiritually if that’s the approach you take. It is my experience that it’s this primarily that removes the drinking problem.

AwkwardKitty

Thank you for the support and wisdom.

I felt the same again this evening. I rode it out.

I like that thing about fear... I think that has been keeping me sober. I need to strengthen my coping mechanisms, I think.

I also haven't been keeping my gratitude diary for some weeks, so you've inspired me to get back on that.

Silver11

Hi AK,
good thing you posted and put your feelings down in words. I’ve kind of been going through the same thing. I have the same sober date and same sober time as you. Even after all this time, there are days when I feel like just ruining everything. I have to take a deep breath and go for a walk.

The fear of waking up hung over after all this time is a powerful deterrent and it’s what keeps me going right now.

hope you get a good nights sleep soon!

AwkwardKitty

Congratulations to you! Coming up to 6 months injustice over a week arent we?
I wasnt sure if I'd make it past the last few nights but I did and I am still on the sober train.
I cleaned my house last night and am having a self care today. I've been watching videos that help me quit in the first place and am going to make sure I do gratitude again as it's all slipped.
need tobgo back to basics and remember why I got here.
am not going back to those agonising first few days and weeks!

Surrendered19

No AK, let's leave those miserable early days behind for good. Soul crushers. Last night I was by myself and bored and that dirty AV of mine started whispering to me for a few minutes. So I got up, geared up, and hit the trail for a 3-hour hike. Went to bed so satisfied and woke up this morning so happy. Daily gratitude is also important for me. I try daily to sit for 5 minutes and think about what I am grateful for.

Silver11

yup, I hit 6 months on the 1st of July! We’re going to to make it there
you’re absolutely right about reminding ourselves about why we got sober in the first place. I was miserable in Dec last year. I can’t believe it’s June already! Before we know it, it will be 31 Dec 2020!