Help me
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 280
Hi Thomas11,
back in 2015 and 2016 all I did was post here about how I messed up again and again. All of us on SR know the pain and frustration of being in this loop which feels endless.
I remember reading your threads back in the day and it really helped me.
Sending you prayers!
back in 2015 and 2016 all I did was post here about how I messed up again and again. All of us on SR know the pain and frustration of being in this loop which feels endless.
I remember reading your threads back in the day and it really helped me.
Sending you prayers!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Mid-Atlantic states
Posts: 993
I think with your thoughts of suicide and intervention, just posting on SR is not enough. I think you might need a physical detox to even begin to break through to your emotions. I would recommend having your wife contacting a local center right away. Feelings of worthlessness and that life is not worth living will eventually move you to action of not wanting to be alive anymore, because alcohol lies to us when we are at our lowest. It kicks you when you are down. You are way down.
I'm new here and see a tremendous amount of support for you, but you have to be the one willing to take this support and act on it. If you cannot do this yourself you need a more powerful intervention, if nothing else than to keep you away from access to alcohol.
If we keep doing things the same way we don't get the same result; things actually get worse. Thoughts and prayers my friend. But at this point you need to realize that you need more than that. You need a higher level of intervention.
I'm new here and see a tremendous amount of support for you, but you have to be the one willing to take this support and act on it. If you cannot do this yourself you need a more powerful intervention, if nothing else than to keep you away from access to alcohol.
If we keep doing things the same way we don't get the same result; things actually get worse. Thoughts and prayers my friend. But at this point you need to realize that you need more than that. You need a higher level of intervention.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
Glad you are sobering up, Jeff.
I'd argue that maybe you are not "ok" though. Yeah? I hope you get some serious help. I worry about you every time this happens. I say that as a friend - I really would like to see you figure this out.
I'd argue that maybe you are not "ok" though. Yeah? I hope you get some serious help. I worry about you every time this happens. I say that as a friend - I really would like to see you figure this out.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by thomas11 
Its sober up time. So sorry if I stressed any of you. I'm ok now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
Jeff, I am glad that you posted this morning. 50/50 is probably expected the days after a drinking episode.
It is not reality, though. It is not a true representation of your desires. I absolutely know that you want a good, decent, respectable, productive and loving life - one full of positive self esteem, true friendships and healthy relationships. And I absolutely know that you can have it all.
You ARE a good man, Jeff. You cannot see it but we can. I believe, though, that you need professional help to realize that - a professional to help you peel away the layers that encompass your current state of thinking and self-understanding. I truly hope that you find a professional to help you through this.
I also believe that you need a rock-solid Plan for Sobriety and a strong will to follow that plan. I was seven years into sobriety before I included AA in my sober plan but I have witnessed its ‘magic’ in my sibling (now sober over a year) and in myself. The Higher Power to which one subscribes can be anything - yes, God, but also the wind, the surf, Nature itself - YOUR Higher Power. Rational Recovery could also prove very helpful. Maybe give it a Google.
Include your plans what you will do when triggered - a long walk, a long country drive (both without money or credit cards), an ice cream binge, a call to a sober friend (if you want my number, send me a pm), a yoga session, fifteen minutes of deep breathing.
A gratitude list can also work wonders.
We are here for you to help you follow your Plan.
We care about you, Jeff.
It is not reality, though. It is not a true representation of your desires. I absolutely know that you want a good, decent, respectable, productive and loving life - one full of positive self esteem, true friendships and healthy relationships. And I absolutely know that you can have it all.
You ARE a good man, Jeff. You cannot see it but we can. I believe, though, that you need professional help to realize that - a professional to help you peel away the layers that encompass your current state of thinking and self-understanding. I truly hope that you find a professional to help you through this.
I also believe that you need a rock-solid Plan for Sobriety and a strong will to follow that plan. I was seven years into sobriety before I included AA in my sober plan but I have witnessed its ‘magic’ in my sibling (now sober over a year) and in myself. The Higher Power to which one subscribes can be anything - yes, God, but also the wind, the surf, Nature itself - YOUR Higher Power. Rational Recovery could also prove very helpful. Maybe give it a Google.
Include your plans what you will do when triggered - a long walk, a long country drive (both without money or credit cards), an ice cream binge, a call to a sober friend (if you want my number, send me a pm), a yoga session, fifteen minutes of deep breathing.
A gratitude list can also work wonders.
We are here for you to help you follow your Plan.
We care about you, Jeff.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by 2ndhandrose
Jeff, you know I followed your story here on SR for a few months before I joined SR myself. I followed you with bated breath, cheering you on from afar and when you quit drinking I was elated that you took your life back.
That Jeff is still here. Maybe feeling beaten down but you are still here.
So many people have offered wonderful suggestions for you, I am just going to say - please, please, please don't give up. We can't see tomorrow, don't quit before the miracle happens.
rose
That Jeff is still here. Maybe feeling beaten down but you are still here.
So many people have offered wonderful suggestions for you, I am just going to say - please, please, please don't give up. We can't see tomorrow, don't quit before the miracle happens.
rose
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Delilah1
I’m glad you spoke with your wife, but sorry to hear you’re still drinking. I really think you should consider a trip to the ER. The suicidal thoughts and drinking are reasons to have them keep you there, and they can help you start to feel better. They can definitely keep you for a few days.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
So allow me to tell a story. I went to the Philippines a couple years ago. and I got some bad food or ice or something. I had a terrible reaction that put me in the hospital.
I was telling my parents about it and rather than worry about my health and well being, they accused of my doing drugs. What assholes. The last time I did any illegal drugs was July of 1997. So its been 23 years. And those fuckers accused me of doing drug. By the way, what does that even mean "doing drugs"? It hurt me that they felt so poorly of me, that that was there go to. He must have been doing drugs.
I was telling my parents about it and rather than worry about my health and well being, they accused of my doing drugs. What assholes. The last time I did any illegal drugs was July of 1997. So its been 23 years. And those fuckers accused me of doing drug. By the way, what does that even mean "doing drugs"? It hurt me that they felt so poorly of me, that that was there go to. He must have been doing drugs.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
And, there's lots of love here for you too, Jeff.
I think being shaky is a usual part of withdrawal, but it's hard to know when that becomes dangerous. Stick with it, Jeff, but if you are concerned at all, please go to an ER for medical help.
I think being shaky is a usual part of withdrawal, but it's hard to know when that becomes dangerous. Stick with it, Jeff, but if you are concerned at all, please go to an ER for medical help.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Fingerlakes,NY
Posts: 4,536
Jeff I have read your posts a long time. I respect you for being honest. Please respect this post for the same. You can say your parents triggered you. You can say it’s the life you led years ago. It’s not it’s in you. It’s in every single one of us here. There are so many traumatic stories here it hurts my heart at times. Many have gotten past those stories. I have but I had to get sober first. Not just not drinking at the moment. Get sober then figure out a way to get over the past. You have so much resentment as did I. You do well for awhile then self destruct, as did I. I had to use the time that I was doing well to learn about myself not just maintain status quo. Get some help when you sober up and if the withdrawals are bad get some help now but continue once you feel better. I wish you nothing but wonderful things
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Hey, man. I'm glad you got out of it. You've now had at least a few such episodes in the year or so I've been back on SR. And everytime, it seems to circle back to your deep-held resentments, which then grows into anger, even a thirst for vengeance (recalling last time).
I was a full blown alcoholic at 18 and finally got sober at 29, which means that the resentments I held on to were mostly "teenager stuff". I mention this, maybe, to illustrate how alcohol can turn things, which probably should have been forgotten but certainly should have been let go, into a total personal catastrophe. When an alcoholic drinks, I swear on the stars, it's like we temporarily contract the eGola virus. We don't just throw pity parties, we go full multi-day/week-long festival on it. The outcome is usually the emotional sum total of the contents of the porta potties.
Only a year ago, my "teenager stuff" resentments STILL circled my brain and thus made me circle the drain. I no longer have those resentments. I highly doubt the major difference comes from the fact that previously it was 11 years from the events and now it's 12. I think it comes from being sober and, step-by-step, keenly looking at and then respectfully throwing out the old stuff.
I know you've had sober time before and so I know you can have it again. Best use that time to disarm any demons that still dwell in you. I hope you understand that ...it's possible for you, as an individual, to show love and respect to others without begging on your knees for theirs. However much it might hurt, they're under no obligation to return the favour. Nevertheless, You are your own person with your own life. Best get to it, yeah?
I was a full blown alcoholic at 18 and finally got sober at 29, which means that the resentments I held on to were mostly "teenager stuff". I mention this, maybe, to illustrate how alcohol can turn things, which probably should have been forgotten but certainly should have been let go, into a total personal catastrophe. When an alcoholic drinks, I swear on the stars, it's like we temporarily contract the eGola virus. We don't just throw pity parties, we go full multi-day/week-long festival on it. The outcome is usually the emotional sum total of the contents of the porta potties.
Only a year ago, my "teenager stuff" resentments STILL circled my brain and thus made me circle the drain. I no longer have those resentments. I highly doubt the major difference comes from the fact that previously it was 11 years from the events and now it's 12. I think it comes from being sober and, step-by-step, keenly looking at and then respectfully throwing out the old stuff.
I know you've had sober time before and so I know you can have it again. Best use that time to disarm any demons that still dwell in you. I hope you understand that ...it's possible for you, as an individual, to show love and respect to others without begging on your knees for theirs. However much it might hurt, they're under no obligation to return the favour. Nevertheless, You are your own person with your own life. Best get to it, yeah?
Free.
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Saskatchewan.
Posts: 2,972
Originally Posted by thomas11
Can some of you share you withdrawal experiences? I want to know if I'm in danger. I'm shaky and my heart is beating hard.
The heart thing can be scary. I was lucky to have aspirin prescribed for heart. I recall using aspirin sub-lingually a fair bit in the first few days.
Most text on this claims that BP (blood pressure) comes down to near-normal at even 8 hrs sober. My heart felt flittery for 2.5 or 3 days.
Soooooo much better by days 4-5.
Med-supervised detox is SO much kinder, though.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Hey, my dear Jeff. You are right--it's sober up time, and I am so glad you are here. I struggled time and again and therefore also (unfortunately) have experience with withdrawals. Within 12 hours of my last major quit I went into full-blown alcoholic hallucinosis--it's kind of like DTs lite--it's not as life-threatening but still horrific AV hallucinations--spiders, demonic faces, rows of ants with numerals 0-9 for thoraxes--just hideous. I remember seeing them and thinking very clearly "Wow--I am actually hallucinating" as I reached up to make sure a spider wasn't real. I finally ended up at the county detox, had a seizure while there and spent a week in the hospital before going to an inpatient rehab for two months. I say this not to frighten you but to let you know that your best bet if things get weird is the local ER. They can give you medication to take the edge off your discomfort and make it easier to get over the worst of it. I think detox would be your best bet. It's not bad. They were very nice to me and being there kept me from dying of a seizure. I wish you the best, and I hope you formulate a plan to stay sober and stick around here to let us help you.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Jeff, I've detoxed all kinda ways and have to say that going it alone (without medical care) is by far the worst. You don't have to respond, but I'm wondering if you might maybe possibly think about considering rehab? I really think you need a break from the hamster wheel far enough away from your "real life" to start really working on dispelling your demons.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Jeff
not sure whether you have insurance or not, but you need to do something.
All Rehabs may not be 30k. Outpatient rehab might be a possibility.
Therapy - continued therapy - may help.
You may need meds for your mental health.
one thing is for certain.
Breaking down every few months and trying to medicate that with booze is not working, brother.
Brace yourself - this is going to sting...but damn it man...
this thread is you ‘toughing it out’. Keep this up and you’ll end up divorced or in jail, mad...or worse.
D
not sure whether you have insurance or not, but you need to do something.
All Rehabs may not be 30k. Outpatient rehab might be a possibility.
Therapy - continued therapy - may help.
You may need meds for your mental health.
one thing is for certain.
Breaking down every few months and trying to medicate that with booze is not working, brother.
Brace yourself - this is going to sting...but damn it man...
this thread is you ‘toughing it out’. Keep this up and you’ll end up divorced or in jail, mad...or worse.
D
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