kamm

Hi. I’m Kamm. I’ve been sober for over 1.5 years and my DOC was alcohol. I love this site and am so thankful for the support it brings and for each person willing to share their story and their struggle/triumph.

I know I can not safely drink. I don’t have an off switch when I start and I had some very dark times going through withdrawals and The physical pull of drinking. Sometimes I think the fear of facing that again is a strong deterrent in my not drinking. Heres my question. How do I get to the point of not wishing I could drink normally and feeling like I am missing out when I can’t have a drink with dinner or friends? I still after all this time get that feeling and it makes me frustrated. Does anyone else still feel this way after a year of sobriety? What can I do to fully and completely accept my reality?

Bubovski

Personally I think that so called 'normal drinking' is overated.
Is it mainly hereditory? Can the 'normies' perhaps become alcoholics?

Even small amounts of alcohol are poisonous, high in calories and above all conducive to abuse.
The social aspect of drinking is perhaps its worst feature as it implies a phony but risky group unity.

For a good few decades I wrestled with these issues. I now realise the cost is far too high.

Dee74

Hi Kamm

for me long term, permanent, recovery depends on building a sober life I love
That doesn't mean my life is always great but I do have a great life that's not dependent on me drinking.

Can you pinpoint what you think you're missing by not drinking?

D

Steely

I reckon it's ok to be an alcoholic. Interesting in a way. Experienced much.

Found as I began to experience the joys and freedoms of sobriety couldn't give a toss about the grog anymore. I'm nearly 6 months off, but have had extended periods of sobriety in the past. Five years once. Maybe this makes a diff idk?

Each and every return to the poison (for me) cemented in my mind how much I hated the stuff, and how much I loved, wanted to be sober. I learned the hard way. Hope you don't need do same. Go experience life and know that a spritzy lemon can be a treat. Your friends will envy you during the toast. . Who cares what they think, anyway?

For me it was the knowledge that alcohol harms me, and I need not harm myself anymore, and was worthy of life. Go dig it man. And as Bubovski says, "entirely overrated".

I do know how you feel as have felt same in the past. If I could turn back time I'd have finished a PhD in the joys of a spritzy lemon. 'Tis true.

least

Best advice I ever got was to start practicing gratitude each day. I find something to be grateful for when I wake up, and something to be grateful for when I go to bed. Along with reasons to be grateful happening all during the day.

I find that being grateful makes me feel much more content with my life, much happier, feel peaceful.

It changed my attitude for the better and makes me happier.

Try it! What do you have to lose?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post6682692 (Good article about gratitude and how it rewards us.)

WeThinkNot

I have a little over three years of sobriety. At 1.5 years I probably felt the same way you're feeling now. Hell I was still going through some awful PAWS at 1.5 years worrying nonstop that it would never end.

In my journey I've found that my happiness and peace of mind grow exponentially over time as long as I'm disciplined with my program of self improvement. At year two I felt a hundred times better than year one, year three was about a million times better. Today is the best day of my life, apparently my happiness knows no bounds.

The only thing I fear missing out on these days is missing out on accomplishing my life goals. Having a cocktail at dinner doesn't register on my radar at all.

nez

I did it by accepting myself as complete and whole. I do not need anything external to make me be anything or to do something for me.

I accept responsibility for me being happy, for me being successful, for me dancing better, for me being comfortable around other people, for me being free from fear, for me being funny, for me being whatever.

I am the one and only thing that can truly accomplish those things for me, nothing external can really do that. I take great joy in that and find it very liberating. I am not looking for anything because I have found myself.

Sure I still need some work and improvement, but I know who to go to, to get the job done...me. I am always in my corner, got my back, and am my staunchest supporter.

DriGuy

Those who are handed that card in life didn't ask for it. Alcoholism is like having a predisposition to cancer, poor eyesight, or a host of other debilitating handicaps that randomly afflict a population. When I realized what I was, one of my first questions was, "Why me?" It seemed like one of the worst handicaps one would want, but then I realized that it could be a lot worse. It was a handicap that I could control. Many others don't have that option, but I can choose to be normal. I will always be an alcoholic, but I can be normal.

Think about what it is to be normal. Normality is not defined as an ability to drink responsibly. That happens to be your definition, but it disregards the bigger picture. There are a host of other requirements that go into being normal than being able to drink. And I was happy to find an answer to my problem. Happy is an understatement, It became a matter of great pride. I've heard people at meetings say they were happy to be alcoholics. I never understood that. Who wants to be an alcoholic? But I can take pride in my ability to not drink, living a normal life, and that makes me happy.

So much depends on your attitude about drinking. Since I quit, I'm happy to be quit. It's an attitude that comes with fully understanding yourself, and knowing how to overcome addictions and compensate for shortcomings. If you keep wishing you could drink, you are at risk, a very dangerous risk. It's a burden to carry, but you can get past that desire with a different attitude. For me that attitude became a possibility when I saw how many people like me had shed that burden of desire and found a more satisfying path to take. It was the big take away I got from AA, but SR would have done it too had I known about it back then.

tornrealization

Hi there, I’m 1 year 5 months sober. I still get the thoughts that creep in about having a drink With others or on special occasions but I don’t fantasize about being normal about it. I mean I sat and did an inventory of what a normal drink would mean to me. Frustration and agitated cause I’d have to stop. Then obsess. I think about what I’m missing out on.... the 1-2 hours of a high followed by unpredictable behavior, blackouts, regrets. I’d feel sic, lose time, make poor choices. It’s really a colossal waste of time, energy, money and soul. Am I truly envious of “normal” drinkers, no not really. It’s an hour or so for them. If I’m out with friends and they are all having drinks you can still have something special for yourself. Maybe a dessert, or a different non alcoholic drink with.

Steely

Great post nez.

TiredCarpenter

Hi kamm: Thanks for posting! There are many ways to long lasting sobriety. I was an AA member for years, lesser so now.

You might’ve heard of AA’s promises. Well 1/2 a page down from those are what , for me, are the greater promises. ( bottom of pg 84 to mid-page 85: AA big book)

We will seldom be interested in liquor....

if tempted....we react sanely and normally...

we are placed in a position of neutrality.....

the problem doesn’t exist for us....

we are niether cocky or afraid.....

the problem has been removed.....

These words are the experience of many recovering (recovered has been used also) alcoholics. These are people that have mended their ways, shared their pitfalls with another, cleaned house, made amends for their actions, then continued to help others, and to maintain a decent life.

The above bullet points can be maintained, they say, as long as that person maintains a clean life and healthy spirit. (Spiritual growth and action)

THE ABOVE IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE. I’ve experienced it. I had those things. I had 20 years of sobriety.

True to the above lines, when I got unwell again in person and in spirit. (became a liar, a sneak, lustful, arrogant, inconsiderate, etc....) Lost my “spirituality”, my sobriety went away too. I was a fool to let such beautiful gifts slip away. I hope you will be more wise than I was.

The ‘take-home’ is YES, the constant or even occasional ‘need’ for a drink WILL go away. And CAN be gone forever if you correctly maintain a giving, caring, selfless life with some regard for the spirit.

ReadyAtLast

Thanks for posting Kamm and congrats on your sober time.

I have no answer just wanted to thank you and everyone who has responded as this thread is really helpful.

MaximusD

I find myself thinking about this from time to time too. Really though, what is the point? It is poison and I'd be willing to bet many of those "normal" drinkers aren't. Alcohol sucks.

brighterday1234

This post explains it brilliantly and fits my experience. The promises of AA really resonate with me too as they’ve been my exact experience. The drink problem doesn’t exist anymore providing I maintain my spiritual fitness and live recovery. Indeed I’m surrounded by alcohol frequently as part of my work but it doesn’t bother me at all. There is a total freedom that is possible in recovery from alcoholism.

sortofhomecomin

Yes at times I think alcohol is a net negative for society and not just for alcoholics. Normal drinkers can indeed become alcoholics...I am one as initially drank normally.

Be123

I wish I could drink 'normally'. I can't.

I also wish I was really rich, was better looking and had never made any mistakes in my life. (I'm not; I'm about a 5 out of 10; I have.)

Life!

Being sober for a short time I'm learning to deal with life as it is, I'm surprised to find that I've actually got most of the tools needed to get by day to day, and those I haven't I reckon I can learn. When I was drinking I was living in complete fantasy, literally a FOOL.

I can't drink normally but I can enjoy being sober. I'm not rich but I have enough to get by. I'm not beautiful but I can be kind. I've made mistakes and I'm learning from them and trying to make amends.

God that sounds pious, sorry for that

Buttery

Hey,

I think about this sometimes but I also wonder what is drinking normally really?

i know lots of people that can just have a couple and that’s it.

but there also sooo many people who don’t fall into the problematic drinking category in theory but yet still end up in bar fights, hospital and just generally doing stupid stuff when they are drunk and are considered normal or even worse laugh it off as if it’s actually funny.

What gets me by day by day is knowing that I won’t have a hangover in the morning(or worse severe withdrawals for a few days), I know exactly what happened throughout the day and not constantly worrying about maybe this time I have done some actual damage to my organs or what the consequences from my binge drinking are this time round.

Obladi

What bimini said.

Like some others, I arrived there by way of working the steps. I hasten to clarify while being careful not to judge ANY other person's process, because I can't know what it was like for them: For me, it was not a rote exercise in learning and swallowing dogma. I worked the steps within the framework of everything I'd experienced, I believed, I'd learned, and based on the notion of who I think I fundamentally AM.

It's been hard. Really hard. But I've finally arrived at a place where I genuinely have zero desire to drink. To do so would cut off access to who I am, who I am being, who I want to be.

Unfortunately, no one can give this to you. Fortunately, it's something you already have.

O

Surrendered19

I look at the wish to be a normal drinker in the same way as my life-long wish to play short stop for the Yankees. Not much point at all in devoting too much more thought to either of those wishes than the occasional whimsical thought. I was so far gone that the daily physical and mental rewards of sobriety continue to loom very large in my life, so I don't struggle that often with wishes to be a normie. But the further away I get from the abyss, the more certain I am that this is the best way to live and I am happy. I appreciate your post because people like you with long term sobriety really provide a valuable service to the rest of us by reminding us that we need to remain vigilant for the remainder of our sober journeys.

abraxas69

I can't answer your question directly, but this was posted by a classmate in our daily recovery thread a week or so ago:

".... moving past the thoughts of "why can't I have just one", and thinking along the lines of "why would I want to drink one... [and] now thinking about 'what possible good would come from drinking?' "

Reflecting upon this has helped me enormously to progress in my journey thus far.