JustPeachy95

Almost three weeks now without drinking! I went to a family get together with wine and honestly just felt more validated in my choice to be sober. I was present, engaged, and felt like myself again. I thought yesterday would be more challenging because my fellow 20-something friends invited me out for a mimosa brunch. But it was the same reassuring feeling as I sipped on coffee instead. I don’t think they really get how committed I am to this, but were overall supportive. I’m not trying to drink less. I’m hoping to never drink again.

One thing though is that I can’t help but feel judgmental towards my dad. I’ve been at their place because I have summers off (teacher), all the Covid stuff, and I’m helping my sister with the nieces. My dad will get wine tipsy and ramble on almost every night. It’s embarrassing because I see what I dislike in myself reflected. But then I dislike that self righteousness and meanness too.

It’s made me realize that all my social outings involving drinking since deciding to be sober have actually been pretty tame. I think it will be harder once I’m around drunk people. I get bored. And then I get mean because I feel like my time’s being wasted.

Is it possible to still be around the drinkers in my life? I want to be firm in my boundaries, but I don’t like feeling like I’m about to tell someone off either.

Dee74

When I got sober I made the decision not to be around drinkers at all for a while.
I'd do really well for a while being the abstainer for a while and then suddenly I'd decide one drink wouldn't hurt.

I had to put clear distance between who I had been and who I wanted to become - and for me that meant no 'wet' socialising for a while.

I often talk about developing sober muscles.
Noone starts off lifting 300 pounds.

I started easy - social occasions with no booze - picnics, walks, coffee dates, pizza nights (all this was pre COVID but I'm sure other dry events still happen nowadays too)

Shunning their company also helped me not be irritated by being around drinkers - or occasionally resentful towards them.

Eventually I worked up to being around drinkers again and today nothing about socialising makes me want to drink - but yeah it took time and effort to get there.

3 weeks is great - but remember to protect that recovery as the precious thing it is.

D
.

sugarbear1

Are you working a program of recovery? I think a program gives us a framework for our recovery. Women for Sobriety, Men for Sobriety, SOS, AVRT, SMART, Refuge Recovery, Life Ring, AA are all available (plus more).

brighterday1234

Protect your sobriety and that entails not being around drinkers in the early months in my experience. With more recovery you’ll find you probably have zero interest in being around drinkers anyway.

AAPJ

For me there is a lot of variation when it comes to "drinkers". Am I ok at a social event where others may have 1-2 drinks over the course of the event? Generally yes. Am I going to go to an drinking event where the alcohol flows constantly and many folks are getting drunk? No thanks.

JustPeachy95

Thank you all for your advice and thoughts!
It is helpful to have the specific words to articulate how I'm feeling, such as "irritable" and "resentful." It seems silly to not be able to identify or understand these things, but my relationship with my emotions has been to pretend they don't exist haha. Like a lot of the stories I've read on here, I think I struggle with self esteem and self image. A big reason for me choosing sobriety is wanting to be more comfortable with my authentic self. I have perfectionist and depressed tendencies so whenever I feel a "negative" emotion, the dark place tells me that the authentic me is bad. Although I logically know that's not true and I'm building more of a resiliency in practicing radical acceptance. I'm also doing my best to educate myself by reading on here and recognize that a lot of this overlaps with AV (I think?).
Not currently! But thank you for listing the options. As alluded to, I'm pretty ignorant right now, but trying to learn! Pretty much all I know about recovery is what I see in movies haha. I mean, it's just now becoming obvious to me that I have a problem. I will have to do my research and find out what's best for me so thanks again to you all!
I honestly have no cravings yet (really only felt it around the first 5 days), but I want to be aware of potentially triggering situations. I think I just need to woman up and be more explicit with my friends and family about what I need right now in an emotionally mature, kind way.
I think part of what's helped me commit to being sober is that depressed, bored, disinterested feeling I was getting with increased frequency at drinking events. I guess I'm scared I'll lose my friends. We have more in common than just drinking though so best case scenario, we just don't hang out for heavy drinking outings. Worst case, they stop liking hanging out with me, but I'm better off and can find new, more meaningful relationships.
I don't know and I know this all won't be easy, but I think it's the start of something good.

Anna

It took me about 10 months to be comfortable around people drinking alcohol, and that was a relief for me. I could relax and enjoy social situations. That said, I haven't been around anyone who was drunk since I began my recovery. I think that's because of the lifestyle changes I made.

ReadyAtLast

I struggle to be around people drinking early on in sobriety. If they are all drinking and I am not I either think I want a drink too or I'm bored being with them and not drinking. Being the odd one out. I'd rather meet friends in no drinking situations.

I've had several weeks sober at various times in the past and always picked up again when out with friends. I'd been ok with them before with no cravings but when the cravings did hit, which they will, and I was out with others drinking, I joined in. Now I don't go out with people who are drinking.

MaximusD

Hi Peachy, awesome that you are getting a handle on this so young. I started in on forums and trying at your age and had a great 7 year quit until a divorce threw me for a loop. Protect that sobriety.

Surrendered19

Hi Peachy. That is amazing that you have made this step at such a young age. Over the next few decades you might see a few people in your life lose years to alcohol. Be mindful of the value of your sobriety.

nez

Sounds like you are doing pretty good and are well grounded. The good news is that you don't have to figure out what things will be like in 10 years or even next month. Just let things progress and figure out what they are like as they happen. Getting together with any friends or family today? Take it from there. Changes can always be made and changes can happen in the future for which you can make changes when they happen, but for now what is happening? Do you need to make any changes now? If so, make them. If you don't need to make any changes now, then don't.

Atlast9999

It was hard for me to be around drinkers when I first quit. My husband is an alcoholic and living in the same space almost did me in. Like Dee, I stopped participating in all outings where drinking was involved. I stayed in for the first few months. In my home, I found things to keep me busy and alternate locations within my home in order to stay away from my husband.

When I started to emerge and attend social events again, I made sure to always have my own preferred beverage with me (sparkling water, iced tea, whatever) I carried several drinks in my purse! I also developed “escape plans” so I could leave any situation when I became uncomfortable/annoyed.

My husband still hosts parties at our house. I still have escape plans. I typically “leave” the party after about an hour. No one comes looking for me, thankfully.

SomehowIManage

I am coming up on 4 weeks sober myself. I had my first social interaction with people where alcohol was involved yesterday. It wasn't particularly hard or easy.
But I would say if you're feeling like you'll be judgmental or uncomfortable at all around others who drink to just avoid it for a while as others have said. I too am getting the vibe from friends and family that they aren't taking my effort to not drink as seriously as I am. I think it just takes people time to adjust.