Bullied growing up
 

I'm just curious how many others here were made fun of and bullied growing up? I was a total mess as a child since middle school. High school was awful too. I was so insanely shy. No real friends.

Me too, not just at school. My dad was an irrational alcoholic while I was growing up. I was always being told how I 'needed' to live up to the standards of my much smarter older sister. (Quite funny when I think that in the late 1980s we both did MENSA tests and my IQ was measured 20 points higher than hers at 148).

I'm now 52 and have no self esteem. No real friends as I got in the habit of holding people at arms length and have never managed to break that. Very shy but in trying to act not shy I've come over as abrupt and false.

Me too. My dad has always had mental problems. He never drank, but he was absolutely miserable. Paranoid, bipolar, depression. I always looked for validation from him and never got it. Ever. My mom was my best friend but when I said I needed help in my teenage years they always told me "you can't take a happy pill" and ignored me. Hell I didn't even go to prom. Just went to the after party to drink.

My emotions are so jacked from 15 years of alcoholism I don't really know how to socialize sincerely. Girl at the local gas station today was talking about her kid she had recently. I had to put on a fake smile (which felt bizarre) and ask the dumb questions... what's the kids name? How are you doing?

Good lord am I that cold?

I wasn't really bullied, but was made fun of and had few friends. My friends were the other outcasts in the high school. They accepted me when the 'popular' kids didn't. My brother was bullied so terribly at middle school and his first year in high school, my parents sent him to a private school out of state and he did a lot better there.

I have no tolerance for bullies. :mad:

I went to private school and was mercilessly bullied. By both boys and girls. Bitch **** was a nickname. I lost so much weight years after. I was 125 lbs at 6'0 tall. Lotta tattoos, women started to like me. God I am a mess

I was bullied for sure but not really sure it had an impact on my drinking.

By the time I started drinking in earnest I was 25.
I lost hope more than anything else.

I'm sorry for your pain PL.

D

I'm sorry for your experiences and your pain PuckLuck.

I think, in early recovery, we have to learn how to navigate the emotions we've been numbing with alcohol. Talking to the lady at the gas station felt awkward, but it was a start. You can get more comfortable by having those kinds of interactions and you will be able to figure out how to relate to people. I doubt that you are cold, but that you need to get in touch with the emotions that have been buried due to bullying, parental attitudes and drinking.

Youngest of 7, I actually wonder how I survived. But I did. Long line of alcoholics and lots of dysfunction. I imagine that is why i had so many friends but never really fit in but with a small small group. At under 3 months sober I had to totally reinvent myself, Personally, financially and spiritually. With little or no understanding from any of them I did it and now have firm boundaries and less "family" in my life. It was that or just pick up the bottle and finally do myself in. Do you!

Not my experience but I empathise for your experiences. The key for sobriety for me was to “live in the solution and not in the problem”. I found I could tackle and work on my past once I had long-term sobriety. Before that I used my past as an excuse to justify drinking. Living and thinking about the present day helped me to stay sober.

I have been dabbling into Child hood trauma and codependency as these are some of the underlining issues most of us are dealing with alongside booze. I found some of "Pia Mellody" s videos and books on the subject interesting. I have also been reading about Inner-parenting or how to become the inner parent for your inner child.

Childhood trauma. Yeah. I've spent a whole lot of time trying to 'sort' that stuff. And for sure my addiction is somewhat tied up in that. But I know, without a doubt, I cannot sort anything while drinking.

Just my experience: There are no answers in my head. Who knew? My actions seem to play a much larger role in how I feel.
There are no answers in my past. If I look back, I stay back. If I stay grounded in my childhood, I will never grow up.

I really tried to 'process' blah de blah all my bs. And there is much. I have also caused a lot of pain (hurt people hurt people). I found more growth in making amends through my actions and forgiving myself in the present, then trying to dig through the past. Forgive, move forward. Its all I can do.

I wasn't bullied at school but I was bullied in my family. My dad is still a terrible bully now but he would never admit it. I was the youngest of 3 and I never thrived within my family. They were, and are still, much more dominant than me, though we have better relationships now and I have tight boundaries.

My biggest regret really is what happened to me in terms of friendships. I had a horrible time as a teenager and young adult but I had friends. Somewhere along the line and because of my mental health and drinking, I stopped feeling comfortable with anyone, would panic at the thought of having to see friends and just became completely disconnected from the normality and comfort of any kind of social interaction. It has been painful but has got better over the years and with therapy.

PL - I feel your pain and that get that feeling of not being able to manage those 'normal' social interactions. The great thing is that you can be who you are here. We all can.

Sorry for what you went through PuckLuck.

Wouldnt say I was bullied but I definitely didn't fit in. I had few friends and was constantly told I was too shy and quiet. Also I grew up in an alcoholic family so things were difficult at home too. I think I grew up feeling like there was something wrong with me and that I wasn't good enough.

I now understand that I'm an introvert and that's okay. I struggle with loneliness, it would be nice to have a friend.

You have friends here Mary :grouphug:

Thanks Gabe :)