Notices

I've sold my shoes

Old 06-12-2020, 11:27 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Just thinking about you, Taplow. How are you feeling today?
Fusion is offline  
Old 06-13-2020, 04:18 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Life Goes On
 
Obladi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Me too.
Whassup?
Obladi is offline  
Old 06-13-2020, 08:40 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 748
Hi Tatsy and Obladi, thanks for asking how I am and also thanks lessgravity for the kind words and to other posters above. To be honest I feel a bit odd - very vague and empty. I did come on here yesterday and dutifully wrote a reply to the previous posts, but when it came to post it I couldn't see what purpose it served - it didn't seem right to put others to the bother of reading it - and so deleted it.
I've slept an awful lot over the last few days which is good but I'm not functioning as I usually do. I think that something's become dislodged somewhere and I'm just meandering about in a haze. I'm not bothered though and I'm in a fairly good mood considering I've got nothing to do today except lie around. Maybe previously I would have been worried that I'm not worried.
I'm just thinking aloud for a bit here while my pie defrosts. I think most of us have this deep down fear that there's not a lot of point to our lives. Of course this isn't surprising as mostly there isn't. We don't want to face that and so live like imposters. It's fine, everything's fine people, but whatever you do don't look down. Well, my little epiphany is that this is where I am and aiming for anything else - unreality - is insanity. It's kind of relaxing to realise that. Er, I sort of know what I mean.
I'm alright though, and I hope you are too.

Also, no Lines, I didn't really sell my shoes. That was just the headline to entice the crowd in.


taplow is offline  
Old 06-13-2020, 09:01 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
fini's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,241
"I did come on here yesterday and dutifully wrote a reply to the previous posts, but when it came to post it I couldn't see what purpose it served - it didn't seem right to put others to the bother of reading it - and so deleted it."
well....i can tell you a couple of purposes it serves: it lets people know you've actually read what they've written. lets them know that THEIR posts served a purpose.
and it keeps you engaged with those others, builds a kind of relationship. which is there when you need it.
it's kinda one way of going about being and staying a part of the world.
okay, i've taken that maybe a bit wider than is wise. never mind.


fini is offline  
Old 06-13-2020, 09:02 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Life Goes On
 
Obladi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
tap, please keep posting (and not deleting). If people don't want to be "bothered," they won't read. Problem solved.

If on the other hand, people are keenly interested in supporting you (as I am), they will read. Others will be enticed by your clever subject line and they may choose either camp - or another altogether.

The point is that posting here can be an essential part of your self-care and commitment. The exercise in and of itself can be helpful. If you're feeling at all altruistic (or even if you're not), I can pretty much guarantee that someone will benefit from reading you.

It comes as no surprise to me that you're feeling pretty much nothing right now. Your body and brain and psyche have been through the wringer. You deserve a rest. My advice is to start climbing out as you are able. Not as you "feel like it" because that feeling may not come, and then you're particularly vulnerable to getting sucked back into the black hole.

What are you going to do with your sober self? Read? Walk? Do puzzles? Write? Take up cross-stitch? Think of something to engage your mind and/or body and do it, even if you don't want to. Maybe especially if you don't want to.

Keep posting. You have a unique voice and I look forward to hearing it sober.

xo
O
Obladi is offline  
Old 06-13-2020, 11:12 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
Delilah1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,021
Hi Taplow,

I hope you’ll keep posting and reading. You can do this!!
Delilah1 is offline  
Old 06-13-2020, 12:12 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
BeABetterMan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by taplow View Post

Also, no Lines, I didn't really sell my shoes. That was just the headline to entice the crowd in.
I gotta say, it worked. I kept reading it over and over and was like, did he sell his proverbial "drinking shoes"? Lol. Kind of a mean trick to play on a guy like me whose already going crazy in early sobriety Tap!
BeABetterMan is offline  
Old 06-14-2020, 04:21 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Life Goes On
 
Obladi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
How's today, tap?
Obladi is offline  
Old 06-14-2020, 05:05 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
 
Surrendered19's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
How is the weekend going Taplow? Keep giving it a shot. One of these times it might stick. But in the mean time having several periods of sobriety that are weeks or months long is so preferable to continuous drinking. There really is no reason to drink. You hate it. We all do. And the birds don't give a f***. Trust me on that. If you were the size of a sunflower seed, they'd pop you in and swallow you. In the future when that nag-head of ours starts talking to you about drinking, try to have a conversation with your day 3 or 4 self and ask yourself if you want to go through that again. Hope your weekend has been calm and sober Taplow.
Surrendered19 is offline  
Old 06-14-2020, 10:55 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 239
Originally Posted by taplow View Post

Also, no Lines, I didn't really sell my shoes. That was just the headline to entice the crowd in.
It worked. I kept checking to see if anyone inquired about your being shoeless. But no one did. Then that puzzled me . Sneaky, but effective.
Lines is offline  
Old 06-15-2020, 01:42 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 748
Hello all. I'd like to first make clear, in response to fini's post above, that the reason I'd deleted the particular post was out of respect to the other posters here, not because I couldn't be bothered to reply. I think at the time I didn't want to belittle their valued contributions with cliched drivel which was all I could bring up at the time. I've not been feeling well and I don't think it's just due to a sudden lack of alcohol either. I've just been mostly laying around and it's been an effort to connect up all the thoughts together and post something useful to anyone. I would have thought allowances might be made. I had an appointment with the doctor, well a sort of appointment with the doctor, which because of our social distancing rules - I'm saying nothing - had to be conducted by phone. So that didn't go very well.
Thanks all others above too. Obladi, I'm still not anything resembling myself yet - that might be good, who knows? I'm a jigsaw with several pieces missing. I'm pretty weak and there's no centre to me. I'm filling my time with reading and aimless forays on the internet. I haven't met any actual, real people. Despite feeling generally unwell, I've also lost a lot of weight over time which is surprising given all the calories in alcohol. I know this because every week I tie string round my ankles and fill my loose trousers with gallons of custard until they overflow. Not true by the way just incase you wanted to try it at home. You see fini, that comment is why sometimes I find it a waste of time for me to post here.
I don't reckon I fit in properly - then again no one's typical are they? Despite the amount of alcohol I've drunk over the years I wouldn't say I'm an alcoholic if that's a person with a disease. I'm just someone who believes the promises that alcohol gives and doesn't want to stop once I've started. There's nothing practical here. But what's sad for me is that when I'm sober I don't think I need help and when I'm drinking I don't want it.
I want to make crystal clear that I think SR is a great, a really special site and I really wish you all well in your struggles.
I'll think I'll go and make some coffee.
taplow is offline  
Old 06-15-2020, 02:21 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Hi Tap, enjoy your coffee, but please return and post, more often. You can do this, you are in control, although the addicted part of your brain would deny that. It lies, in my experience, it always lies.
Fusion is offline  
Old 06-15-2020, 02:31 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Life Goes On
 
Obladi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I don't fit in either, tap. That's why I like ya. It's good to know another soul who wouldn't even "belong" on the Island of Misfit Toys. Or at least shares that feeling. I'm pretty sure there is a you there in your center. It just needs some time away from the booze to start regenerating and firm up.

I'd rather fill my stomach with gallons of custard. Where I come from that's a special kind of ice cream, akin to gelatto. But I think "your" custard is what I'd call pudding, no? Not sure I want any of that at all, in my trousers or elsewhere.

There is absolutely no need for you to define yourself here or anywhere as an alcoholic or a person with a disease - you know that. Alcohol has caused you trouble. That's the important thing. Well, getting help to get (stay) away from the trouble is the thing. At this point in time, I think of my problem with alcohol as being just another mental health illness. I've also been diagnoses with anxiety, panic attacks, major depression and suspected PTSD. None of that is nearly as bad when I take my meds, but I have had a tendency to stop that when I start feeling better, which is insane but also makes perfect sense, right?. Some long time ago earlier in my addiction I would also stop being sober when I felt better. In both cases, it's a very bad idea to stop doing what makes me feel better in the first place.

There is nothing in your post(s) that indicates you have any beef with SR. I think maybe you're being somehow proactively judgmental of our judgement. I have no judgement for you, tap. Just a wish that you continue to express yourself. Whoever that is. It's a far cry better than retreating back into nothingness. You know where that goes and I hate to think of anyone being there. (*shudder*)
Obladi is offline  
Old 06-15-2020, 02:51 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,058
I think you fit in pretty well here Tap. Just sayin.
We're all different, but we're all the same too.

That last thing took me a while to accept.

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 06-15-2020, 07:45 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
 
fini's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,241
ah tap, i enjoyed that comment that you thought was a waste of time.
my own comment re posting comes mostly from the fact that i never could stay sober before i engaged mightily with others, mostly online.
that does not mean that the engagement is the cause of my ongoing sobriety, but obv it correlates. and might well be causal.
so i’m a proponent.

fini is offline  
Old 06-15-2020, 08:46 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
quat
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,819
When you’re sober , you don’t think you need help , help for what ?
dwtbd is offline  
Old 06-15-2020, 10:14 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 239
Originally Posted by Obladi View Post

I'd rather fill my stomach with gallons of custard. Where I come from that's a special kind of ice cream, akin to gelatto. But I think "your" custard is what I'd call pudding, no? Not sure I want any of that at all, in my trousers or elsewhere.
Especially if you live with a cat.
would also not be good to fall asleep outside in a lounge chair with all that custard and a wandering baby opossum.

see, we all have our own way of thinking.


Lines is offline  
Old 06-17-2020, 12:46 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
soberfighterwriter
 
Lixie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 1,685
Tap, I'm going to say this in a language I know very well: Jeg har det som deg. Jeg vil heller ikke ha hjelp når jeg drikker og når jeg ikke drikker så trenger jeg det ikke. Jeg føler meg like utenfor som deg, og det gjør oss like. Jeg liker deg og vil at du skal være her. Snakk med oss!
Lixie is offline  
Old 06-17-2020, 01:38 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Life Goes On
 
Obladi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
tap, time for a check-in, man
Obladi is offline  
Old 06-17-2020, 02:43 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,416
Hoping to see you, Tap.
Hevyn is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:59 AM.