Another start
 

Hi All,

Here I am starting again. I have tried a number of times to stop drinking, but when I dip low and start struggling I drink again. I have been diagnosed with PTSD. Ex military and now a first responder. Struggling to maintain my job, and struggle with family life. The drinking definitely doesn't help, but is my go to, unfortunately. I even went to AA and didn't drink for a year and a half, but was miserable the whole time, and then broke. I find the vibe at AA isn't good for my PTSD (please don't think this is an anti AA post, just stating how it makes me feel), but cannot do this alone. Can you give me some advice on alternative approaches, ie what worked for you. If you are an alcoholic who has PTSD I would really love to hear from you. Thanks.

Hi redfalcon :)

I have no experience with the military or PTSD but I firmly believe that there's an answer for everyone.
You need a new go to, man - tried any other methods besides AA? :)

D

I found AA good on some days and awful on others. I don’t have military ptsd but I do think that everyone’s problems are equally big in their own way.
what gets me through is knowing that even on the bad days I am alive and well, not panicking about what I may have said or done or what damage I’m doing to my body.
if AA isn’t right for you is there any sort of ex military support available to you? If you feel that the ptsd is your trigger it sounds like that needs addressing along side as issuing alcohol as a coping mechanism.

Hey Red, welcome brother!

I don't have PTSD, but I am a professional drunk who has been in recovery for the last 5 years with varying degrees of success and failure at this thing, so maybe I can help (or try my best to at least).

I don't hear any anti-AA in your post at all. It just didn't work and you don't enjoy it. In my opinion, that's perfectly fine. I don't view recovery as a one size fits all type of thing. Even in AA people work their program differently than the next person. We all have to find our way. What works for you might not work for the next person. Personally, I've done the AA thing for years and it just hasn't worked for me either and quite frankly I didn't enjoy it.

I definitely think I have learned a thing or two about alcoholism from the rooms, literature, and from so many people I have met along the way. I'm sure you have, too. Just more tools in the toolbox for both of us, right?

Have you tried therapy for your PTSD? Like seeing a counselor or psychologist? Group therapy from an IOP (out patient) has been beneficial for me in the past (more tools in the toolbox). God knows I've done enough of it.

Given what you stated in your post I would not suggest inpatient rehab. I've been to 4 of them in the past 3 or 4 years. They all pretty much follow the same approach which is based solely on AA mixed with holistic practices. The good ones encourage 90 days inpatient with a transition to sober living and AA meetings/fellowship. Not knocking it. Got me 8 months of sobriety, but again, I'm the same as you. I did not enjoy AA.

What I found worked best for myself during my times of success were staying positive, staying active (exercise), eating healthy, spirituality (prayer & meditation), treating others how I would like to be treated (kindness, patience, love), being HONEST (at all times, even if it is uncomfortable), a sobriety journal (this was a game changer, done in a notebook by hand each day), being easy on myself (no negative self-talk allowed) and finally practicing GRATITUDE on a daily basis.

Another big one was something I got from AA which is the 10th Step, probably the most useful for me. "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it."

I try my best to take my personal inventory every night before bed in prayer. It really helps me. And when I (bleep) up, I address the situation immediately to whoever I messed up with and owe up to my BS.

And I'm really finding that SR is quite amazing. So this forum is just another tool in my toolbox and I am grateful for it and everyone here.

Hope this helped in some way. Glad you are with us!

Nobody can tell me what is going on in my head except me. I am retired military, 2003, and it took about 6 years to accept my position in the civilian world. I was a leader in the military. As a civilian I am a line worker.

I ramped up the drinking when I retired from the military. I rationalized it was time to have my cake and eat it. But really, I was just digging my hell hole. Climbing out was horrible. Rx med free suffering was my only way out.

I am clean for about 5 years and I still get down off and on. I have this saying...as long as I remember they don't really like me, it all makes sense. Some folks think this saying is foolish, but it allows me to walk away from situations with my head held high.

Exercise is my go to new doc. A good workout keeps me feeling content for about 2 or 3 days. I work out 4 to 7 days a week. Depends on my recovery.

Helping folks, like now, helps me too. Gratitude is a big deal. Education about what I am up against saved me.

I have ptsd from my time in the military and paws from drinking. I am also heavily kindled. I am getting a little better everyday.

I know if I were to relapse I would revert to day 1 and I might not make it out this time. I am an addict for life.

sr reminds me of what is in store if I relapse. Aa does the same thing.

Thanks.

Thanks for your replies all. I am seeing a psych re the ptsd stuff. You are spot on regarding the gratitude and exercise. Both things that I need to reintroduce to my life. I think I need a sobriety journal too. What kind of things do you put into that?

Hey Dee, nope just AA. Am looking for other options

A journal helps me in life frequently.... what do you put in it? Anything you want! But to me, journaling or writing down things I'm grateful for.... sober people I want to be like.... things I value in my life and want to be the priority (over booze and drugs).... Journaling in the morning helps set the intention for a sober and present day. Having a few priorities for the day that I"ll honor. AA was helpful for me, but I used it as one of many tools. The Big Book was helpful for me..... I read it over and over (especially the personal stories).

Basically - anything and everything you can do to keep your head in recovery and your eyes on the prize(s) that you WANT your life to be about.

You can do it!

I personally use many recovery avenues. I am using AA, SMART, CBT, counseling, mindfulness...ect
Would suggest some king of AUD(alcohol use disorder) counseling where you and the counselor would address the underline issues as well as the PTSD , childhood trauma and what not.
my suggestions are dependent on your original post, in other words, I would have a different suggestion such as simple as keep posting here and go to meetings to someone else. But I believe that our experiences are different, we have the same disorder/disease but we cannot recover following a one simple end all and be all program. just my opinion.

Agreed. Thanks Shakeel. I am trying to get involved with allot of the things that you have raised in order to address this problem. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Hopefully this is the time it will stick for me and I can stop myself riding this awful alcohol merry-go-round

You sound determined this time, redfalcon. We have to be ready - & thoroughly disgusted with the way our lives are going.
Just think how great it's going to feel to be free of it. We know you can do it, and you're never alone.

I think the main thing is to find what works for you. I'm not an AA person and have relied on books and SR as support in recovery.

You said that you were sober for a year and a half, but were miserable. I wonder what other changes you made in your life during that time? I know that I had make some big lifestyle changes to support my recovery.

Welcome back! :grouphug: Early in my sobriety, I saw an addiction counselor once a week. I also came here to SR every day to read and post. I no longer see the counselor but still come here every day. :) Reading and posting here reinforces my sobriety.

I hope you come here often to read and post. Especially post BEFORE you drink. If you have the urge to drink, post here instead. We'll try our best to talk you out of it. :)

LIke someone else mentioned earlier, you can put anything and everything in your sobriety journal. I usually just write about how I am feeling, how the day is going, how I am doing overall in sobriety, sober goals/dreams, how to get there, etc... Gratitude list, character flaws I need to work on, etc...

It just helps sometimes to get your thoughts down on paper. Plus it's nice to go back and look so you see the progress you're making or what you still need to be working on. It's good therapy.

Welcome back. Many of us have gotten sober with AA and many of us, like me, got sober without AA. There are lots of good books with ways of thinking about alcohol and good ideas with solutions - Alan Carr and Rational Recovery are the two that I used most. This site, plus those two, add in finally finally finally wanting to give myself the chance to live the life I deserved and my family deserved, include exercise and therapy and viola - I'm in my 3rd year of sobriety.

Without going into the whys as to why we drank etc, exploring the whys in terms of why we want to quit, what we would be most excited and inspired by if we gave our selves sobriety - that kind of re-calibration, can be very helpful.

Whatever you do, focus on the flame inside of you that continues to want sobriety, that drove you back here looking for help. Nourish and respect that flame, that desire for a better life. It can and will grow and will sustain you through the challenges ahead.

Hey Red, I am former military though don't (think) I really have PTSD. I am told that my anxiety could be that. I agree with the exercise. I have noticed that most slip ups I have are preceded by a slide in my exercising. Stay on here and get some counseling. Have you talked to the VA??

Just realized you might be Australian? Have you talked to their version of the VA?

I'm not an AA person either Redfalcon. Sitting in a meeting or even one to one therapy were both just too frustrating for me initially; I'm not much of a talker or expresser of feelings... What really helped me was exercise - I have a lot of physical energy - maybe movement is just a different form of expression.
Early days I learnt that I had to actually book training/sessions/even solo runs or weight sessions into my calendar and prioritise them as the day's must do. I had to be very very selfish and put them before work, social life, even being available for family/friends for a very long time. Even still, if I feel anxiety building up I have to stop, cancel plans, maybe even take a day off work and work it out physically. Only then can I calm down enough to process cravings, what's going on, be able to read etc. Some of us are just built that way I guess!

Prior military and PTSD as well. Adjustment to the civilian work field was a big obstacle. I see that your a first responder thank you for your service. Those types of jobs are very high stress related. The dreams and flashes of old memories was getting to me, so I changed job fields. How is your sleep? Maybe a break or a different job. But if you like your job then carry on. Working as a first responder was very hard on me.

Love my job massively. It gives me purpose post military. But it also adds to the count. I wouldn't know what else to do with myself. I like the adrenaline and saving peoples lives. Whilst I do that I can forget about my crap. But you get a bad one here and there

Hows it going red?