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My son is a recovering drug addict and is driving me crazy 😜! I’m totally on a roller coaster with him, concerning what he is doing and where he is going to live. He just got out of rehab and received SSI and some back pay. He tried sober living, but that didn’t work out and now he has been looking for somewhere to live. He finally found someone that accepted his application without background checks, but I received a call for references. I did my best and she said he got the place, but I couldn’t sleep last night worrying I said the wrong thing, not knowing he got the place! He’s not responding to my messages or calls and I’m upset! HELP
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Join Date: Sep 2019
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Originally Posted by Carrolly 
My son is a recovering drug addict and is driving me crazy 😜! I’m totally on a roller coaster with him, concerning what he is doing and where he is going to live. He just got out of rehab and received SSI and some back pay. He tried sober living, but that didn’t work out and now he has been looking for somewhere to live. He finally found someone that accepted his application without background checks, but I received a call for references. I did my best and she said he got the place, but I couldn’t sleep last night worrying I said the wrong thing, not knowing he got the place! He’s not responding to my messages or calls and I’m upset! HELP
She said he got the place, so I'm assuming he did. I wouldn't 2nd guess it or fret over that. If he is ignoring your calls and messages there's really nothing you can do until he's ready to come around and communicate with you.
Is he sober? I know when I was drinking & drugging I wouldn't talk to hardly anyone. Not saying he isn't sober (I have no idea), but that's the type of move I always played.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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Welcome and I'm sorry for your situation with your son.
I hope you can take a step back from your son and his recovery. He has to want his recovery to work, and there's little that you can do to help him with that. Hopefuly he will make the right choices.
For yourself, you might consider AlAnon in your community as a support.
I hope you can take a step back from your son and his recovery. He has to want his recovery to work, and there's little that you can do to help him with that. Hopefuly he will make the right choices.
For yourself, you might consider AlAnon in your community as a support.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
If there was anyone who could disrupt my equilibrium it was my mother. In order for me to pry her fingers off my life I had to disappear completely. The harder she pushed, the more I ran.
He has to grow up and do this on his own. If you are invested in his recovery this deeply, I would guess he's going to be pretty hard to pin down.
Letting go ...that's the answer for you both.
I agree that maybe a support group for yourself would be a good idea.
He has to grow up and do this on his own. If you are invested in his recovery this deeply, I would guess he's going to be pretty hard to pin down.
Letting go ...that's the answer for you both.
I agree that maybe a support group for yourself would be a good idea.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,977
I'm so sorry for the situation with your son.
The hardest part is to look at our part in things.
https://al-anon.org/
God Bless!
The hardest part is to look at our part in things.
https://al-anon.org/
God Bless!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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i'm sorry for what brings you here. I agree that taking a step back and allowing your son to follow his own path of recovery is the best, and only, thing you can do for him. for yourself, Al Anon will be a great support, as others have suggested.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Some good advice here Carrolly. I can only imagine how hard it is, but for now it's probably in your sons and your best interests to step back.
I'm glad you found us tho - there's tons of support - you're not alone
Welcome Aboard!
I'm glad you found us tho - there's tons of support - you're not alone
Welcome Aboard!
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Join Date: Feb 2020
Posts: 239
Well now you have to let us know if he ever called you back.
Instability and chaos seem to be infectious. Try a little social distancing. 😁
But seriously, I tend to go to my parents for opinions, guidance, support, wisdom and even ocassional help because they are like my rocks in any storm. I'm sure I've privately brought them close to insanity, but they almost always interact with me in a calm, rational, concerned way while expressing their confidence in my ability to figure things out.
Do you have confidence your son will figure things out, and that he has the structure in place to deal with his substance use disorder? You did your best with the reference. When he gets his new place, buy him a plant. A hardy one.
Instability and chaos seem to be infectious. Try a little social distancing. 😁
But seriously, I tend to go to my parents for opinions, guidance, support, wisdom and even ocassional help because they are like my rocks in any storm. I'm sure I've privately brought them close to insanity, but they almost always interact with me in a calm, rational, concerned way while expressing their confidence in my ability to figure things out.
Do you have confidence your son will figure things out, and that he has the structure in place to deal with his substance use disorder? You did your best with the reference. When he gets his new place, buy him a plant. A hardy one.
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