Painkilled Newbie
Tryin' To Stay Smilin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 59
Painkilled Newbie
Hi -
I'm still trying to figure out how to use these message boards; I've no smileys to post..can't figure out how to do that!
Wouldn't anyway at this point. I'm married, 2 teenagers and addicted to Vicodin ES and -- hate myself. I was prescribed the drugs following throat surgery last spring, and was smart enough (or stupid as the case turned out) to figure out how to buy on the internet.
What now? My behavior is erratic, I'm probably killing my liver, my husband knows and is VERY supportive but is VERY worried and will flip out when he learns how much I've spent (we're NOT rich and have got to start thinking about sending the oldest to college - one more worry), and I don't want the kids to find out how stupid their mom's been while at the same time lecturing them about the dangers of drugs; although it can be argued that I certianly know what I'm lecturing about.......
What do I do? Find a local group? I hate the tought of inpatient care, but I'm worried that's what it will take. Has anyone found success at outpatient meetings?
Oh - and I like this stuff. I've suffered with depression my whole life (mom and sister, too) and it makes me NOT depressed - just the opposite. This stuff has always been my drug of choice and while I'm on medication for the depression, this certainly does the better job of getting me euphoric.
help anyone....? advice....?
I'm still trying to figure out how to use these message boards; I've no smileys to post..can't figure out how to do that!
Wouldn't anyway at this point. I'm married, 2 teenagers and addicted to Vicodin ES and -- hate myself. I was prescribed the drugs following throat surgery last spring, and was smart enough (or stupid as the case turned out) to figure out how to buy on the internet.
What now? My behavior is erratic, I'm probably killing my liver, my husband knows and is VERY supportive but is VERY worried and will flip out when he learns how much I've spent (we're NOT rich and have got to start thinking about sending the oldest to college - one more worry), and I don't want the kids to find out how stupid their mom's been while at the same time lecturing them about the dangers of drugs; although it can be argued that I certianly know what I'm lecturing about.......
What do I do? Find a local group? I hate the tought of inpatient care, but I'm worried that's what it will take. Has anyone found success at outpatient meetings?
Oh - and I like this stuff. I've suffered with depression my whole life (mom and sister, too) and it makes me NOT depressed - just the opposite. This stuff has always been my drug of choice and while I'm on medication for the depression, this certainly does the better job of getting me euphoric.
help anyone....? advice....?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
((((wichitagirl))))
As a pain killer addict I can tell you that in my experience, addiction to opiates actually CAUSES depression (although it seems to alleviate it at first). The opiates are depleting your brain "happy" chemicals and it can take a loooong time for the brain to begin producing dopomain (sp) and seritonin normally. So using these pills for depression is actually making it worse, much worse. So that's even more incentive to get off and stay off, eh?
As for getting addicted... you are not a bad person. Not at all. You are an addict and there is a way out. After a (medically supervised) detox, there are all sorts of inpatient, outpatient and NA programs and groups. You are not alone! There is help and support available. If you are really serious about quitting, please get help, OK?
Hang in there.
jojo
As a pain killer addict I can tell you that in my experience, addiction to opiates actually CAUSES depression (although it seems to alleviate it at first). The opiates are depleting your brain "happy" chemicals and it can take a loooong time for the brain to begin producing dopomain (sp) and seritonin normally. So using these pills for depression is actually making it worse, much worse. So that's even more incentive to get off and stay off, eh?
As for getting addicted... you are not a bad person. Not at all. You are an addict and there is a way out. After a (medically supervised) detox, there are all sorts of inpatient, outpatient and NA programs and groups. You are not alone! There is help and support available. If you are really serious about quitting, please get help, OK?
Hang in there.
jojo
Tryin' To Stay Smilin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 59
jojo - can't thank you enough for making the extra effort and taking the time to say a personal "atta-girl!" to me....... means more than I can find words to explain.
Help - yes. I need it - but where first? I've tried to talk to my doctor, but he was in a hurry (as usual) and didn't offer me much in the way of guidance. I've read a lot, and know that I have to taper off. But when I try, something always comes up and I find the excuse to take the same (or more) as yesterday! Which is why I'm feeling so defeated, probably. And lately I've been feeling reallllllly awful.
Would it help if I shared how much I'm taking? Could someone chime in with a similar situation and let me know they were successful getting off this dosage? I'm at 12-14 tabs of Vicodin ES (7.5/750) per day. How's that for pretty lousy? I hate even writing it. But I think I better start facing some music here. And soon.
Help - yes. I need it - but where first? I've tried to talk to my doctor, but he was in a hurry (as usual) and didn't offer me much in the way of guidance. I've read a lot, and know that I have to taper off. But when I try, something always comes up and I find the excuse to take the same (or more) as yesterday! Which is why I'm feeling so defeated, probably. And lately I've been feeling reallllllly awful.
Would it help if I shared how much I'm taking? Could someone chime in with a similar situation and let me know they were successful getting off this dosage? I'm at 12-14 tabs of Vicodin ES (7.5/750) per day. How's that for pretty lousy? I hate even writing it. But I think I better start facing some music here. And soon.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
This is not funny, wichitagirl, but sometimes I have to laugh at my own insanity. Before my last detox, I was up to 20 to 30 of the same pills! Ugh! See, other people can definately relate!
One suggestion is to give the pills to your hubby and have him give you lessening amounts each day until you feel you are ready to go through the detox. I was never able to titer myself off because my addict ALWAYS kicked in and I ALWAYS took more. (This is a disease of more, more, more!)
And, either go back to your doc and explain the seriousness of the situation or find another doc to help. There are different ways to do this and medical supervision is really a big help.
jojo
One suggestion is to give the pills to your hubby and have him give you lessening amounts each day until you feel you are ready to go through the detox. I was never able to titer myself off because my addict ALWAYS kicked in and I ALWAYS took more. (This is a disease of more, more, more!)
And, either go back to your doc and explain the seriousness of the situation or find another doc to help. There are different ways to do this and medical supervision is really a big help.
jojo
Tryin' To Stay Smilin'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 59
I think I'm talking to you on two boards (I wasn't sure where to post first and have been following both)! I'll go back to the other one;
Again - thanks for your - and everyone's support!
Again - thanks for your - and everyone's support!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Norfolk,Ne
Posts: 2
you can get off,I know cuz I was addicted for 20 years to painkillers. It took twelve a day just to stop the withdrawl.It also took me being arrested,a year in the state pen, loss of a 27 year marriage and I am no longer a nurse just to name a few of my losses. I have relapsed at times to street drugs so I am not saying it has been easy. The bigest help for me was being able to talk about it. Also my mom killed herself with darvon many years ago. I keep telling myself I won't end up like her. My doctor and all the drug stores have also been told about my addiction by me, that helps. I never thought I would end up in prison but I did. Never say never. Do what you can to get help for yourself. It can be stopped, it can also get out of control before you know it Blu
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