Hodd

It’s a coincidence I quit on New Year’s Day 2019. I’d already cut right down on drinking, but the daily urge told me I’d be drinking heavily again before long. I flew long-haul on 1st January and had one beer on that flight. I’m not sure where it was, maybe over the Indian Ocean somewhere. It turned out to be my last ever drink*.

Jet lagged and cold, I had an appointment on the 2nd January 2019 to collect my first batch of Campril, a drug that supposedly reduces the urge to drink. It’s been proven to work although I only took it for six weeks. It was quite a battle to get prescribed Campril that finally taking it was an anti-climax. That amount of effort, though, meant it made no sense to drink.

The urges and boredom were maddening in the first weeks when beer o’clock came around every evening. I thought every evening would be like that forever more and wondered if anyone truly gave up. It soon became normal to go to the shops and not buy beer. The urges were starting to subside. Around day 50 saw a mini family emergency, and I had to hit the alcohol free beer. This divides opinion on here, so all I can say is it helped me. I’ve had real family issues since, e.g. both my parents died, but it didn’t occur to me to drink.

What else? I lost 44 lbs although most of that was through exercise after I’d cut down. I did a triathlon and had more planned but the Covid-19 situation has postponed these for now. Things are going well considering we’re all affected by this pandemic.

That first week in January 2019 and my day 55 were real turning points. If I’d have reverted to normal and had those few beers, I would’ve have done any of this. I’m no better than anyone else. I just got lucky with willpower in those early days.

* No one can say they’ve had their last drink. I’m as susceptible to a relapse as anyone. I just take steps to avoid that situation. I don’t, for example, keep alcohol in the house.

Then there’s the health issue. I had a mild fatty liver which is a reversible condition, but it’s not good news. That’s the first stage before fibrosis and cirrhosis. If your liver packs up, so do you. Six months later, however, a fibroscan showed my liver was fine and fat free. All I did was quit booze, and my liver did the work.

All of us here let alcohol get us by the balls, well the guys anyway. It will never release its grip. I still fancy a nice glass of red at least twice a week. You just need to ignore that grip and carry on without it. It’s one of the best (and hardest) things I’ve done.

Kaily

Great post and well done you!

It’s one of the best (and hardest) things I’ve done. I totally agree and with the line above but just gotta say no.

froscow

Good job. 44lbs is a huge achievement.


I still fancy a nice glass of red at least twice a week.

it's so much easier to cut the beast right off at the head than constantly battle it. you're just playing with fire otherwise (in my experience). years of trying moderation for me always ended in hell sooner or later

Hodd

Oh, I could’ve written that part better. I often fancy as in feel like a glass of wine, but I desist. It would be unthinkable to go there now. I agree 100% about moderation. No one on this forum can be a moderate drinking again. Moderate drinking for me would lead to heavy drinking with a week or two. I can count my lucky stars to have avoided liver disease as I was at first stage.

Thanks, froscow 👍

Steely

Well done Hodd. Five months for me, yesterday.

Now that I've finally stopped it is the underpinnings to my drinking, the past, that is proving difficult. I'm working on Acceptance, finally.

It's difficult, but not as difficult as continuing to drink.

Bubovski

Well done! That's a month better than my personal best.
I tried to opt for so called light drinking.
It's like playing with dynamite.

Hodd

Well done 👍👍

Can I ask who you need acceptance from? My drinking mates are still mates, and if anything they’d now snatch a drink out of my hand if I tried to drink. You’ve done the hard work so start chilling 🙂

Dee74

congratulations Hodd - you too Steely

D

Hodd

Good analogy. I looked at a load of research papers on alcoholics attempting to moderate. There are no stories of success out there. Once the quit or nothing message sinks in, it’s way easier.

Steely

Jeez. I'm confusing my alcohol free date with my benzo free date.

Alcohol free since 17th December, 2019.

Benzo free since 1st March, 2018.

According to my calculations I'll be 6 months on 17th June, 2020.

Edit: I've got more time than I thought. Every day important at this stage.

brighterday1234

Congratulations on 17 months sober.

Abraham

good for you. Best of luck on continued success.

Hodd

Thanks all. It really is a lightbulb moment when you realise this awful problem of alcoholism can be solved by stopping drinking forever. That means no “rewards” or excuses, e.g. triggers, bad day or stress. It’s heartbreaking to be honest. It’s like letting go in a relationship. Everyone here has the ability to stop drinking. They need to reach that lightbulb moment (and stop with the excuses).

SuficintCrlsns

Well done Hodd. I am three days behind you. My last drinks were a New Years binge. I quit January 4, 2019. I can't think of any situation that I would go back.

SC

Hodd

Great to hear, SC. I bet you’ve had quite a battle, but you’ve done brilliantly. I’m not anti alcohol per se; if people can drink moderately, within healthy limits and not have an addiction, that’s fine. However, none of us here are in that category, and I really wish people would understand that moderation is impossible. Once that’s done, life’s awesome!

Bubovski

Benzos are the pits and some doctors just don't realise this.

least

Congrats on 17 months sober!

SuficintCrlsns

So true! Whatever stance anyone has on the 12 steps, I tell others who are suffering from our affliction that Step 1 is non-negotiable. I remember the exact moment that I had that epiphany that I needed to FULLY surrender and that I will never drink normally again. You said it best when you compared it to letting go of a relationship.

SC

Hodd

I didn’t go via AA although I wouldn’t rule out any method as long as it works. I assume step 1 is this?

”Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable”

Sounds right. Alcohol had beaten me.

And it is almost heartbreaking. I should post this as a thread 😀

Me: I’m leaving you, sorry.
Wine: But you love me!
Me: Yes, but you’re bad for me.
Wine: You’ll miss me.
Me: Yes, at first, but there’ll be others.
Wine: They won’t be as great as me.
Me: No, but as I said, you’re bad for me.
Wine: I’ll be close by always just in case you change your mind.
Me: Let’s just ignore each other then.

So that’s what we do. Ignore our ex-partners.