Stable

Had a binge last night. Thrown 10 cans of cider and 6 tins of beer where it belongs down the sink.

Happy to have saved myself from more misery today.

I hate alcohol what it has done to me and my family.

biminiblue

Good call.

Right before I quit drinking I had been following someone who was newly sober on another forum. He said, "I'm going to bed sober tonight."

That sounded absolutely delicious to me. So I used that thought to get me into a nice clean bed many a night in early sobriety. In the morning I would say to myself, "I'm going to bed sober tonight." It is good for me to set my intentions first thing every day.

Anna

Good job getting rid of the alcohol you had, and getting back on track. Did something happen that triggered you to drink? Maybe you could come up with a plan to avoid that next time.

Stable

17 days sober then got depressed and started drinking. Stupid I know.

biminiblue

Those negative thoughts? Next time sit with them. They will pass if you don't grab on and dwell on them.

Reid82

Good job on dumping the booze.

Cityboy

It seems that for a lot of us, those strong emotional feelings, like depression, guilt, resentment, fear, etc, were the driving force for keeping us locked in to the cycle of drinking. It certainly was for me. I can not say how much it helped to let out those emotional drivers here on SR. Without the alcohol to back them up, pretty soon they began to loose their effect.

Good job poring the stuff out.

Hodd

Whilst I’m upset to hear this, Stable, as you’re better than that, I have to ask why you have such large quantities of alcohol in the house? All of us were/are susceptible to drinking again at the drop of a hat, but not having alcohol nearby is crucial in the early days.

Hevyn

Stable - I had a couple setbacks, but they served a purpose for me. I was finally convinced that drinking would never, ever take me to a better place. It made me numb for a while - but the anxiety, fear, & remorse it created just made me more miserable. Glad you are back with new resolve.

Stable

A bought a lot of alcohol yesterday, I made a bad decision to drink.

I thought about the alcohol I had in the house about using it to taper down but I just can’t do that.

I had to through the remaking alcohol down the sink for my own safety.

Its proving very hard to maintain any length of abstinence this year.

I was 5 months 9 days sober last year but relapsed and it has been hell on earth getting sober since then.

Coldfusion

Congratulations on dumping out your alcohol! Sober Recovery can make those first few days easier. Also, most AA meetings have gone on-line now. Here's a few meetings in the Pacific time zone:

https://eastsideaa.org/meetings/?tsml-type=ONL

These are some good threads to post in:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7453465

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7453350 (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 487)

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ne-2020-a.html (If this weekend was like others - Weekenders 29 May - 01 June 2020)

Hodd

I can imagine it’s hell. A huge lesson I’ve learned on this forum is that quitting gets harder and harder after each relapse, another reason to never drink again.

But what made you go out and buy that alcohol? And why so much if it?

If you had no alcohol in the house and didn’t go out to buy any, that’d be a good start. I’m really gutted to read your post today. Sorry.

Kaily

I'm confident you will conquer your addiction. You have the right attitude, dumping out alcohol in my opinion is no mean feat!

Life is full of ups and downs, drinking solves nothing and for an alcoholic it just makes everything so much worse.

Keep posting and keep asking for help.

You CAN do it.

Steely

Picking up on Bimini's post, Stable....

Hitting the sack sober is the best thing. Waking up sober, even better.

I've ditched the grog down the sink only once. Very empowering. And have been sober since.

Congratulations on a life changing decision.

doggonecarl

Everyone uses SR differently. You use seems to be a record of your day ones and the misery of early sobriety. Where are the posts when you are struggling? Where's the post before you pick up the drink. Just repeating what doesn't work isn't going to get you sober. I hope you can find the strength and resolve to make the changes you need.

Wastinglife

I have been struggling to stay sober too, Stable. Day 6 today for me. The important thing is that we never stop trying. One day, it will stick. I don't even think ahead more than a day right now. My main priority is just to stay out of the liquor store at all costs. That's all I have to concentrate on now.

least

In order to stay sober, you must want to be sober MORE than you want to drink. That's what it came down to for me.

D122y

I am clean now for a few years and I still have crazy feelings. After an AYCE sushi I could feel my bp spike and my anxiety was high.

Then my sweet heart started getting on my nerves because she is stressed about her friend getting a big tv and refrigerator, folks at her work getting layed off, and me talking about retirement.

Back in the day, this was fine and dandy. I would just pick up a bottle of tequila and drink my weekend away. I would wake up Monday morning destroyed and still have all the same problems.

Now I will wake up strong with the problems, but at least I didn't make any new ones.

Love and Thanks.

D122y

The crave was fierce the first week or so. Then the physical addiction started to go away and the brain damage shown through. I call it the crazy because when i google symptoms of insanity, that is what I felt.

The brain damage lasted a long long long time. The cool thing was that within all of those crazy feelings were moments of complete clarity and calm serenity. Those moments, over a period of about 4 years, became the major feeling all the time.

Now, I mostly feel normal. The crave for the booze has been replaced by periodic anxiety. This usually happens around 4 to 6 pm. Happy hour. But, since I drank off and on at all hours, it can happen anytime.

The only way I got through was suffering. I mostly ate when I craved and working out helps a ton. Natural dopamine vs drug induced dopamine.

Thanks.

Gabe1980

Good for you for throwing the booze away. I just want to send you support and I really believe that we can do this. For me it does get worse every time I relapse but it has put me in a place of upping my game and working harder on being in a decent frame of mind every day. Just think how great it will be to get some months behind you; you have done it before and you can do it now!