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13 weeks ago today...

Old 05-27-2020, 10:47 PM
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13 weeks ago today...

13 weeks ago today I woke up with a terrible hangover. Lay in bed all morning and managed to get up midday...straight to the pub and drinking there and at home until I passed out about 7pm. That was a standard day, practiced and rehearsed for many, many years. Sick after my first sip...I carried on through.

I felt so rubbish all the time. Physically, mentally and emotionally I was shot.

Ive woken up at 4.30 this morning with the sunrise. (My sleeping is a bit all over the place due to coronavirus and losing routine but I sleep well even if I have to nap in the day time.) I feel well physically; my emotions have settled down, I only occasionally have anxiety or bouts of sadness now (I was depressed for at least 15 years, funny how that's improved with sobriety!!). Mentally I'm recovering, maybe it's age or years of alcohol but I'm realising I'm not mentally nimble as I was once was. Oh well, that's what modern phones are for !!!!

Anyone staring or re-starting sobriety - keep going! I had many many efforts and all of them have helped me, even if at the time they were hellishly difficult. I'm just starting on a new life, it's scary and my personal circumstances are not great due to living addicted for so long. But there is HOPE


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Old 05-27-2020, 10:56 PM
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Congrats Be

D
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Old 05-28-2020, 01:01 AM
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I have been living the same miserable life for 15 years too. I also would be off to the pub at noon to allay the withdrawal symptoms and anxious thoughts. I would do anything to keep from having to detox. I have already pretty much lost everything. With the pandemic, there are many people who have lost everything, but not by willfully drinking it away. I am more determined than ever to sober up
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Old 05-28-2020, 01:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Wastinglife View Post
I have been living the same miserable life for 15 years too. I also would be off to the pub at noon to allay the withdrawal symptoms and anxious thoughts. I would do anything to keep from having to detox. I have already pretty much lost everything. With the pandemic, there are many people who have lost everything, but not by willfully drinking it away. I am more determined than ever to sober up
Its a strange one WL - there is DEFINITELY work and will power required. A lot of discipline to do the right things even when I dont feel like it. But really very quickly (for me at least) 98% of the time I dont think about booze. I prepare for the times I do, and they can be quite trying, but they are few and I am learning I can just let them be.

For years I wished I felt better...I was angry with the world because I felt so low...I ruined many relationships and jobs because I was in the gutter...

...it is only now that I am realising (what is probably absolutely obvious to most people!!!!) that to feel better I need to work at it. I was hoping for the equivalent of a 3-hour marathon without training. Some things are out of my control and I am learning to let them go; but things like eating, sleeping, emotions, anxiety, fear, physical health - I have some control over those. The major control is not taking the first drink and the rest follows on from there
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Old 05-28-2020, 01:26 AM
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Well be, I’ve come to really value your insight, candor and humor. I is
gine you are a much improved version of yourself 13 weeks ago.
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Old 05-28-2020, 02:00 AM
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Congratulations on 13 weeks sober. Keep going one day at a time; it keeps getting better!
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Old 05-28-2020, 02:06 AM
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Congrats on 13 weeks.
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Old 05-28-2020, 02:07 AM
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If I remember correctly, you are around the same age as me, early 40's. It's not too late for us to start over. I ruined a career in finance. Lost the woman I may have married. Lost my dignity, the worst of all....
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Old 05-29-2020, 06:54 PM
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No matter how bad things get drinking would only make them worse.

The mental escape worked for many years, but slowly my mind and body were damaged enough that the booze was needed all the time.

A lack of education and the fact that the detox hell hadn't ramped up enough kept me drinking off and on until I was 50 or so.

Until there was enough pain, I couldn't quit. No way. I would be wasted right now for sure.

Instead I am recovering from a $20 AYCE sushi feast. The cool thing about that type of food is it digests quickly. It doesn't sit in my stomach for 2 days.

My wife had some saki. It came with the meal. When I was a drunk, I never like saki.

I thought about trying some, but I don't want to relapse. I like being a non drinker. It rocks!

Thanks.
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Old 05-29-2020, 08:50 PM
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Congrats on 13 weeks sober! Life is better sober, eh?
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Old 05-30-2020, 03:01 PM
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Congrats on 13weeks!

I'm on day 13 and I've definitely noticed a change in mood. Drink made me quite angry and I tended to over-react and that did get me into trouble with friends.

I will admit, sometimes my mind does wonder about drinking (the warm weather,all I see are people buying booze) but I just remember last month. I ended up with about 20 to last me 2weeks. It was horrible and depressing but totally my own fault. I chose to look at it as - this is a really low point to remember whenever I try to justify buying anymore alcohol. So far it's worked!
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Old 05-30-2020, 04:59 PM
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Originally Posted by Zombie79 View Post
Congrats on 13weeks!

I'm on day 13 and I've definitely noticed a change in mood. Drink made me quite angry and I tended to over-react and that did get me into trouble with friends.

I will admit, sometimes my mind does wonder about drinking (the warm weather,all I see are people buying booze) but I just remember last month. I ended up with about 20 to last me 2weeks. It was horrible and depressing but totally my own fault. I chose to look at it as - this is a really low point to remember whenever I try to justify buying anymore alcohol. So far it's worked!

Did you manage to live 2 weeks on 20? I have been in a similar situation many times. Lots of ramen noodles since they can be bought for 25 cents here.
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Old 05-30-2020, 05:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Wastinglife View Post
Did you manage to live 2 weeks on 20? I have been in a similar situation many times. Lots of ramen noodles since they can be bought for 25 cents here.

Nearly! I used up a lot of stuff in my cupboards and freezer. My travel was prepaid, it wasn't easy or fun. I did discover I had an extra 10 pounds on a credit card and got some frozen stuff. But the last weekend i really had no money. It was horrible. Thankfully it was close to pay day. So I got paid a few days ago but I did check how much I paid for booze and it was over 250 in little over 2 weeks. It disgusted me seeing that and realising I'd left myself with just 20 to do me for the rest of the month. I honestly vowed I'd never let that happen again.
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Old 05-30-2020, 06:07 PM
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Brilliant job on 13 weeks, Be! You are definitely right when you say that the major control is not taking the first drink--without booze in the equation, I've found the other pieces of my life have eventually fallen into place. This didn't happen overnight--it takes patience and commitment, but after 4 years and five months a lot of very good things have happened. it took a long time to clean up all the messes I created, but I always had hope, and that has carried me through. Keep up the great work.
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Old 05-31-2020, 08:49 AM
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Congrats on 13 weeks.

I'm at 7 weeks and still struggling with the mental stuff. But getting up knowing there won't be a hangover is great.
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