Orchid1

I am both fascinated and frustrated at how fast I move from confident I wont drink to having to strongest urge verging on giving in. It's memorial weekend here, the weather became great from a week of raining about to go to a small party were we will have a water ballon fight and all i'm thinking about is how will I say no with drinks flowing. I haven't told anyone I quit drinking I guess so that if I slip up it doesn't add to the failure I am. I just plan on saying just worked out hard trying to get healthy so i'm not drinking for a while which is also true.

Someone on here said anything can be a trigger which now I see is true. My question is should I not let myself be confident? I am still very very early so talking of confidence is more like hubris but is feeling like 'I've got this' a reckless recipe for disaster? Is just staying scared of drinking the way to ensure sobriety? If so how do you reconcile with that day to day without it causing incredible anxiety?

Anna

I don't think you need to stay scared of drinking. But, I wouldn't go to a party where they would be alcohol. I tried it once and it was a mess. I waited about 10 months before I felt comfortable being around alcohol. Early recovery is filled with hard choices.

biminiblue

I'm with Anna. If you are 100% certain that you won't drink and you won't feel left out, then a party can be fun.

If it's a party where everyone will be drinking, it probably won't be fun.

If it's going to be an inner battle, I wouldn't go. Drunk people are pretty hard to take in early sobriety and if you haven't told people you've quit, you're going to get pressured to drink, most likely.

There are plenty of other things to do.

doggonecarl

Exactly. Very early in sobriety. No reason to put yourself in harms way. There will be plenty of parties in the future. Plus, we are still in a pandemic. So even with the lockdowns lifting, no reason to put yourself in harms way with COVID too.

Dee74

Being confident is different to being foolhardy I think.
I wouldn't go to a party this early on full stop but especially if you're already unsure about how you'll cope.

Yeah, you might miss a party or two now but if you stay sober forever that won;t matter at all

D

sortofhomecomin

I think being scared of alcohol is a good thing in early recovery.

Orchid1

Well I went and it started storming right when I got here, so no sun filled baking triggers, just made some strong coffee for the overwhelming taste. It is tough but not as bad as I thought it would be. Definitely the last one i'm going to for a while.

I'm just so ready to live life! I have floated through so much of it already. I know i'm still very compromised but looking forward is the only way I see getting over the past. Not that parties are moving forward, i'v been going all out working out and learning for my new career since my worst withdraws ended. I'm confused if this is the right approach or slowly getting back to tackling life is the way to go?

Dee74

You can live life and not be around alcohol Might be a little harder to do thongs right now but try and be patient

Coz

Well done on surviving the party. I had to go to a work function in early sobriety - 'a wine and watercolours' event. I too was nervous about it, but had to go. It turned out OK not drinking, but I did leave pretty early.

As for what speed to take things - I don't have the answer. I know I needed challenges and things to keep me busy (and still do), but I probably rushed it a bit trying to do well in a now job and keeping very busy and ended up drinking after 2 months (AV came out of the blue and at full-force - I wasn't prepared enough). I'm back on track again on day 17. So I guess it is up to you to balance getting started on your new and better life with not over-doing it until you are further into recovery. My only advice is to have a plan for when the craving is so strong that you forget all the reasons you want sobriety and all the progress you have made.

It sounds like you are doing really well - so many congrats Orchid!

Orchid1

Reading other's hindsight is helping me navigate my thoughts and feelings on being drunk or occasionally high(weed gummies) . I am reading as much as I can! There is ALOT of wisdom I plan to use in these pages😊. Discipline is what I need to cultivate. Wont be going to another drinking event soon though if I can help it.

biminiblue

I'm one of those spiritual hippies, so this:

Sounds to me like the Universe was working with you to prevent a drink.

DriGuy

Confidence is not a switch you can turn on and off. Confidence is something that comes with continued success, and it comes in degrees. When I made it past the initial cravings, I had a large degree of confidence, enough to have a couple of others warn me about over confidence. I took that under advisement, but I remained confident. I was simply in touch with an inner feeling, but I still understood that inner feelings were not always correct. This is not to say I was no longer afraid. I was very afraid of myself and that I might buy into my AV. This was not an unwarranted fear. Eventually, I ditched my fear, but that was at a point beyond where you are now. But for a long time I used that fear as a useful tool.

Orchid1

Thank you DriGuy, this was really helpful.

brighterday1234

Sobriety and recovery has to be no1 priority in your life in my experience. Every decision you make has to be done to protect it.

Gabe1980

Hey Orchid. I am always the same too; confident, sure I won't drink, I'm done - then boom, wake up one day and it's like I have someones else mind in my body. It has happened so many times, I can't remember them all. I don't trust any of my thinking relating to drinking. That's why coming here and checking stuff out really helps, because often, the desire to drink hits in a way that is totally unexpected and off the back of something totally random.

I am liking Rational Recovery and I think that being aware of what I'm thinking......then identifying any positive thinking relating to alcohol, as my addictive voice and not me.....is really helping me. It's keeping that vigilance and awareness that I find challenging. Sounds like you did a great job staying sober! We'll keep going

Orchid1

Thanks Gabe I will read up on what Rational Recobery is all about. It's funny i'm told i'm doing well on my recovery yet this is my 3rd? Maybe 4th attempt at it since I joined a month ago. My goal now is just sleep sober the rest of this week. The goal will change again next week.

Goodluck all, I hope you tap into your strength!

Wastinglife

It doesn't take much to trigger me. After a few days drinking,, I sober up and can't remember what was the trigger. I am under stress, bored, and very impulsive. It is very hard to resist the urge to drink when a trigger hits. I don't like my chances at being sober permanently.....
.

Orchid1

Welp, back at day one🤦‍♀️. This time I will let people in my life I quite. I wont post much but I will be reading.

Mamatembo

Set backs happen. Get back on the horse. You can do it. You deserve it.

Coz

Oh Orchid

So sorry for you - it seems like it takes a few set backs before we have the plan that works for us.
I do send my congrats for starting day 1 again so quickly and not letting the drinking take over your next weeks/months/years.
I'm glad that you will still be reading here and hope that you will post often - it really helps me to be able to blurt out thoughts, pains and fears rather than bottle them up and add to my (self-perceived) woes.

Take care of you!