Resurgence

Back again after a year or so.

Quit cannabis completely 8 weeks ago, now my drinking has escalated.

Had 2 weeks sober until Monday, when I ‘treated myself’ to a couple beers. I was drinking rum yesterday.

Just can’t seem to get through life without a crutch and feel a vacuum deep down that I can never fill.

I’ve been to AA but it hasn’t worked out. I end up thinking about alcohol more and just end up breaking each time. Tried AVRT as well, and listen to copious podcasts on addiction, but I can never make it stick.

Locked down with no one to talk to about this. Partner is great but doesn't understand the addicted brain.

Here for community.

Thanks

Resurgence

Just to clarify, I've been a binge drinker since I was 15. I'm 31 now.

Anna

Welcome back and I also felt like I needed to fill an empty hole within myself. But, I learned that trying to fill that with things outside of me always ended in disaster. I'm glad you're here and working on your recovery.

I depended on books to help me manage and "The Seat of the Soul" by Gary Zukav helped me to connect with that emptiness within myself and to learn that I could fill it myself with compassion and self-caring.

nez

Hi Resurgence. Glad you joined us.

I am glad that I didn't wait until I was on my deathbed to to realize what a waste of a precious life it was to carry the belief that there was a vacuum inside me that I could somehow fill with something external. Rather than filling the vacuum, I needed to heal it.

The more I looked for something to fill the vacuum, the bigger it became. The less I looked for something to fill the vacuum, the smaller it became. Peace comes from being, not having. My ego tells me that once I fill the vacuum, I will know peace. My soul tells me that when I know peace, there is no vacuum. Recovery is peace. In recovery, I found myself.

brighterday1234

A recovery program of change is what is essential to fill the void you speak of. Spirituality and living spiritually is what ultimately filled the void and continues to do so for me. Life is wonderful and I only see it as that because of my sobriety and recovery. Without my continued practice of my recovery on a daily basis the void you speak of would return. Recovery is a daily practice and way of living.

TiredCarpenter

For me, I had to focus on what my heart was telling me:

Tired.
Exhausted.
Spread thin.
I give up. (wrestling with the pain)
‘Defeated by my disease.
Can’t do this on my own.

As soon as I allowed myself to feel the above stuff, and gave up all of the mental wrangling and rope twisting in my head, I had a chance to recover.
Having been around recovery for decades, I’m one of those who can recite all of How It Works (from AA’s big book) from my armchair with no book open. That knowledge, or awareness, was of NO HELP to me until I honestly began to feel what was happening in my life, and do some work toward change.


I had to open my heart to recovery.


I’m grateful for the opportunity to share.

That has been my experience, maybe it helps you or someone reading here today.


Be well.

Post often.

Resurgence

Thank you for all your replies and insights.

I'm going to make a separate accountability thread and give this my all!

Reid82

Welcome back.

Dee74

welcome back

D

Hevyn

I'm glad to see you, Resurgence. I drank 30 yrs., & being here on a regular basis serves as a reminder of what I went through to get sober. I can never go back there again. One drink always leads to disaster - every time. You can do this!

D122y

I relate.

Until my body and mind were properly devastated it was impossible for me to stop. Once I got to the stage of wanting to stop, the addiction was fierce.

Quitting turned me inside out. I am still healing, but I am so much better. I am a force of nature now that I am no longer hamstrung by booze.

I am looking forward to the future.

But, the crave lurks. SR reminds me.

Thanks.