Dee74

I'm glad you made it back smilesdavis

D

Hevyn

Happy to see you back with new determination to hold on to your sobriety. You can do it, smiles.

pinkbutterfly20

Dee I find your insights so encouraging! This is really good for me to read right now as I’m up in the night fighting my anxiety!

smilesdavis

Well I feel a bit better today, ran my first 10k this morning, even though I'm still feeling the booze and weed from the other night.
If you're thinking of having a few drinks because you deserve them, don't do it, it offers absolutely nothing, just damages you.
I'm just back to one day at a time now.

Surrendered19

Good job on 10K run SD. If you can clip off 10K, you must still have some measure of health on your side. Let's keep going in that direction, right? We don't drink or smoke weed any more. It isn't dramatic and won't get us nominated for an Oscar. It is just a small part of who we are now. I am an attorney. I like to hike and bike. I read 4 books at a time and often one becomes my pillow. I don't drink. I love to light the grill. I have a cat who naps in the yard with 3 squirrels. My girls are the best.

The sober part has become just another piece of the puzzle of me. If you stay sober that part of you will take its proper place in your life and won't loom so large.

smilesdavis

I know all you're saying is right, but as busy as I'm keeping myself I'm bored out of my mind sometimes and I have no human contact really. I don't have any friends I can see without drinking at the moment, that's all we ever did. So it's just me and books and jogging and I don't see anything different on the horizon, I don't know how to live this way. I'm tempted to get booze tonight but I suppose I'll just have to try not to, even though I am failing to see why I shouldn't.

Surrendered19

The first two reasons are that if you did, your life would be exactly the same as it is now, but you would feel like death right now and be marching towards an early grave. Explore what you are interested in. I also have encouraged others to rethink "boredom". I think sometimes us addicts are not used to calm and quiet and mistake those incredible feelings for boredom. Getting used to enjoying unscheduled time was tough in early sobriety. But now when I have an evening to myself and get to choose what I do, I cherish that feeling.

smilesdavis

Oh I know, I need to carve out a new life altogether. But it's incredibly lonely, and I can't see any social opportunities on the horizon.

MaximusD

Smiles, drinking will not change anything for the better and it will push out those social opportunities even more.

Surrendered19

If you are a sullen or silly drunk, social opportunities will not present themselves to you. If you ooze loneliness, resentment and boredom, nobody will want to hang out.

smilesdavis

I'm not, I'm good fun when drinking, I've met every girl I've ever been with via alcohol and all social occasions in my adulthood are booze soaked. This is why it's kind of scary to not have any outlets any more.

Surrendered19

By your own telling SD, you were not good fun when you were drinking, but rather you were a sullen jerk to your girlfriend due to your drinking and, as you put it, your world fell apart. Right now you are searching for reasons to drink which, in most cases, means that you have already decided to drink. I know right now this sucks, but stay with it and don't drink.

smilesdavis

Yeah I'm probably not easy to be around when I'm hungover, that's true. I mean when I drink I'm actually merry and falsely happy, during the actual drinking.
It's the fallout from it that I can't deal with, the depression and hangovers. My friends don't seem to get this.
Anyway I think this bout has passed, I think I'm ok. Hopefully I can get through tonight with no booze and feel better tomorrow.

Surrendered19

Hope you are doing well today SD. Have a peaceful and healthy Sunday.

smilesdavis

Thanks, feeling better today. No booze since Thursday anyway so that's better, and at least it wasn't a bender.
I'm actually doing a lot of work on myself lately and therapy etc. I seem to have some kind of inbuilt set of beliefs that I will fail at most things, including relationships, and relationship with booze and other substances. So I need to work on rebuilding myself with a better attitude towards everything.

MaximusD

That is good that you are recognizing that smiles!

Gabe1980

Keep going Smiles, you will start to feel a whole lot better soon. Finding things you like to do at home just now is so important too. I know it sucks but there is loads to do online and exploring new interests is a great idea.