Reaching out
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Originally Posted by ALBAdrunk 
Well done on reaching day 30! You're doing grand.
See when you say you get dead anxious on holiday it's probably because holiday revolves around drinking. You get anxious to get a drink, anxious to not make a fool of yourself, and anxious when you're feeling hungover. That in turn translates to being anxious going back to the airport or anxious as to whether you'll return home to bad news or a nasty bill or whatever.
Next holiday you'll be on you have the chance to be Waaay clear from all of that. In a zen like status where you wake up enjoy the suns rays and are at complete peace with the world, and In return that'll give you the best holiday.
See when you say you get dead anxious on holiday it's probably because holiday revolves around drinking. You get anxious to get a drink, anxious to not make a fool of yourself, and anxious when you're feeling hungover. That in turn translates to being anxious going back to the airport or anxious as to whether you'll return home to bad news or a nasty bill or whatever.
Next holiday you'll be on you have the chance to be Waaay clear from all of that. In a zen like status where you wake up enjoy the suns rays and are at complete peace with the world, and In return that'll give you the best holiday.
The anxiety got a bit better after the first day off. I just need to make sure I go out and do stuff. Got a lot of ice cream eating planned too! Thanks man
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DAY 31!!.....
The sun is out and it's good to be off. Got loaded up with tons of good food, treats and other nice things to have in the cupboard.
I am feeling pretty good, the anxiety has died down a bit and it's good to get some rest. I think the thing that is hanging around me just now is feeling that 31 days is good (I know it) but I have been here A LOT of times before and still messed it up. I am feeling like my thinking is changing and I am keeping the commitment I have made to come here each day and connect with my decision to properly start recovery, but it's just that I don't trust myself or my mind to not become weak and just fail. I guess I will have to cross that bridge if I come to it.
I am able to challenge and change that intense fearful thinking that I reckon unpinned most of my drinking. I feel less scared, less tense and less like I want to be alone all the time, so I am taking that as a Really Good Sign. I need that. I really, really need that.
I am aiming for the day I log on here and it's 365 days.............I will be over the moon!
The sun is out and it's good to be off. Got loaded up with tons of good food, treats and other nice things to have in the cupboard.
I am feeling pretty good, the anxiety has died down a bit and it's good to get some rest. I think the thing that is hanging around me just now is feeling that 31 days is good (I know it) but I have been here A LOT of times before and still messed it up. I am feeling like my thinking is changing and I am keeping the commitment I have made to come here each day and connect with my decision to properly start recovery, but it's just that I don't trust myself or my mind to not become weak and just fail. I guess I will have to cross that bridge if I come to it.
I am able to challenge and change that intense fearful thinking that I reckon unpinned most of my drinking. I feel less scared, less tense and less like I want to be alone all the time, so I am taking that as a Really Good Sign. I need that. I really, really need that.
I am aiming for the day I log on here and it's 365 days.............I will be over the moon!
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That is great stuff Gabe!!! Well done. Daily now I start to have thoughts about some challenge or some curve ball I get thrown, and I immediately start to feel my emotions begin to ramp up. But now I am able to recognize it and immediately stop, take a good look, and calm myself down. Being able to see problems in proper perspective is invaluable to people like us. That fearfulness and anger/anxiety is so easy to manage sober. But it never stops trying to get into the equation and give us a fake reason to drink.
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Originally Posted by Surrendered19
That is great stuff Gabe!!! Well done. Daily now I start to have thoughts about some challenge or some curve ball I get thrown, and I immediately start to feel my emotions begin to ramp up. But now I am able to recognize it and immediately stop, take a good look, and calm myself down. Being able to see problems in proper perspective is invaluable to people like us. That fearfulness and anger/anxiety is so easy to manage sober. But it never stops trying to get into the equation and give us a fake reason to drink.
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Originally Posted by Gabe1980
I love the sound of that Alba! We had a holiday booked to Amsterdam this year - it's my 40th and Pearl Jam are touring. I was so excited but really worried about drinking, not drinking, watching other people drink....It's been rescheduled until next year and I think I'll be in a really good place then and enjoy it more. I'm hoping by that point, drinking will just be a bad memory and all I'll be feeling is the sense of achievement for getting my life back again.
The anxiety got a bit better after the first day off. I just need to make sure I go out and do stuff. Got a lot of ice cream eating planned too! Thanks man
The anxiety got a bit better after the first day off. I just need to make sure I go out and do stuff. Got a lot of ice cream eating planned too! Thanks man
My wife is diabetic and we like the Halo Top branded ice cream that's proving real popular. Has all the taste but a 1/4 of the carbs/sugar of the market leading brands.
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Originally Posted by ALBAdrunk
My wife is diabetic and we like the Halo Top branded ice cream that's proving real popular. Has all the taste but a 1/4 of the carbs/sugar of the market leading brands.
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Day 32...
Having a proper lazy laptop day today. It's great! I am just so aware of needing the rest and to switch off from work.
I had a lovely conversation with my husband last night. He told me he was so proud of me about managing to change my relationship with alcohol over the last few years and that I was an inspiration blush blush! I am not sure about that be it's so good to know that he recognises how tough it's been and that he values the change in me. There are still some things that I feel shameful about but I have chosen forgive myself and I am working through, and fixing, what's left of the mess in my life from drinking.
I am feel really grateful and blessed to have found him and for him to have stuck by me through all this. Not just the drinking but working through trauma, social anxiety, mental health, the whole lot. It's really quite something and I love him.
Right, enough smushy stuff.
Today I am mostly watching crime files and eating Ben and Jerry's!
Love to you all xx
Having a proper lazy laptop day today. It's great! I am just so aware of needing the rest and to switch off from work.
I had a lovely conversation with my husband last night. He told me he was so proud of me about managing to change my relationship with alcohol over the last few years and that I was an inspiration blush blush! I am not sure about that be it's so good to know that he recognises how tough it's been and that he values the change in me. There are still some things that I feel shameful about but I have chosen forgive myself and I am working through, and fixing, what's left of the mess in my life from drinking.
I am feel really grateful and blessed to have found him and for him to have stuck by me through all this. Not just the drinking but working through trauma, social anxiety, mental health, the whole lot. It's really quite something and I love him.
Right, enough smushy stuff.
Today I am mostly watching crime files and eating Ben and Jerry's!
Love to you all xx
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Originally Posted by Gabe1980
Day 32...
Having a proper lazy laptop day today. It's great! I am just so aware of needing the rest and to switch off from work.
I had a lovely conversation with my husband last night. He told me he was so proud of me about managing to change my relationship with alcohol over the last few years and that I was an inspiration blush blush! I am not sure about that be it's so good to know that he recognises how tough it's been and that he values the change in me. There are still some things that I feel shameful about but I have chosen forgive myself and I am working through, and fixing, what's left of the mess in my life from drinking.
I am feel really grateful and blessed to have found him and for him to have stuck by me through all this. Not just the drinking but working through trauma, social anxiety, mental health, the whole lot. It's really quite something and I love him.
Right, enough smushy stuff.
Today I am mostly watching crime files and eating Ben and Jerry's!
Love to you all xx
Having a proper lazy laptop day today. It's great! I am just so aware of needing the rest and to switch off from work.
I had a lovely conversation with my husband last night. He told me he was so proud of me about managing to change my relationship with alcohol over the last few years and that I was an inspiration blush blush! I am not sure about that be it's so good to know that he recognises how tough it's been and that he values the change in me. There are still some things that I feel shameful about but I have chosen forgive myself and I am working through, and fixing, what's left of the mess in my life from drinking.
I am feel really grateful and blessed to have found him and for him to have stuck by me through all this. Not just the drinking but working through trauma, social anxiety, mental health, the whole lot. It's really quite something and I love him.
Right, enough smushy stuff.
Today I am mostly watching crime files and eating Ben and Jerry's!
Love to you all xx
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Hey Pink. Thank you for your post and I so glad that reading this has been helping support you too.
Keep going, the first little while is the worst but soon you'll get used to waking up hang over free and just feeling so much better for being sober. One of things that really hit me when I relapsed was how physically dirty I felt, inside and out. There is a lovely cleanliness to being sober and when I think of drinking I often think of that and it helps me remember how awful I feel when I do drink.
PM me anytime. I would be happy to hear from you.
Keep going, the first little while is the worst but soon you'll get used to waking up hang over free and just feeling so much better for being sober. One of things that really hit me when I relapsed was how physically dirty I felt, inside and out. There is a lovely cleanliness to being sober and when I think of drinking I often think of that and it helps me remember how awful I feel when I do drink.
PM me anytime. I would be happy to hear from you.
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DAY 33....
What a weird day yesterday. My PC and my laptop both broke, then a new laptop was delivered from my work, that I didn't ask for and I wasn't expecting. It was just bizarre, computers everywhere and I couldn't use any of them. I took it as a sign for a techy free day. My lovely brother has helped me fix everything, so I am up and running again.
Really feeling the benefits of a few days off work. Loads of rest and eating, reading and watching Netflix. We have had a coupled of trips out and I have some plans for the weekend, so today I am going to read and enjoy the peace.
My husband has been drinking and I have been watching him. Watching the boozy behaviour, the music getting louder and the late nights. Also, watching the hangovers, the eating junk and the low mood. He said today that he feels he has only had three days; a drunk day, a hungover day and a day actually feel good and enjoying being off. I have felt that every day! I win.....I don't feel I have missed a thing.
Happy Friday everyone xxx
What a weird day yesterday. My PC and my laptop both broke, then a new laptop was delivered from my work, that I didn't ask for and I wasn't expecting. It was just bizarre, computers everywhere and I couldn't use any of them. I took it as a sign for a techy free day. My lovely brother has helped me fix everything, so I am up and running again.
Really feeling the benefits of a few days off work. Loads of rest and eating, reading and watching Netflix. We have had a coupled of trips out and I have some plans for the weekend, so today I am going to read and enjoy the peace.
My husband has been drinking and I have been watching him. Watching the boozy behaviour, the music getting louder and the late nights. Also, watching the hangovers, the eating junk and the low mood. He said today that he feels he has only had three days; a drunk day, a hungover day and a day actually feel good and enjoying being off. I have felt that every day! I win.....
I don't feel I have missed a thing.Happy Friday everyone xxx
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Day 34....
Just thinking today about how this process has been about coming to terms with myself and who I am. Not who I think I should be or just the parts of myself I like, but the whole deal. The wonderful parts and the scary, shameful parts that have been buried there for so long. It's been hard to accept the whole and I am still struggling with forgiving myself for things that I have done but I am working on it. I can't move forward without that gift of compassion to myself.....we all deserve that when we are starting this new and authentic life.
Just thinking today about how this process has been about coming to terms with myself and who I am. Not who I think I should be or just the parts of myself I like, but the whole deal. The wonderful parts and the scary, shameful parts that have been buried there for so long. It's been hard to accept the whole and I am still struggling with forgiving myself for things that I have done but I am working on it. I can't move forward without that gift of compassion to myself.....we all deserve that when we are starting this new and authentic life.
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Good morning Gabe, or good afternoon for you. Self-forgiveness is very tough. I think it will always be incomplete and imperfect. But the longer you live well through your actions, those other parts of your past seem further away and healing can take place. Total absolution is a false construct sold to us a thousand years ago by those motivated by profits. But that doesn't mean that healing and forgiveness cannot occur. I've concluded that some of the things I did in my drinking life are like tattoos. I did the crimes and remembering is part of doing the time. The key is to not wallow in the memories and get out there and truly live your best life through your actions. Say you are sorry as often as needed. Show through your actions that you are not the same peson. Be humble. Then your past becomes manageable and appears mostly in the distance in the rear view mirror.
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Thank you for your post Surrendered. I think you are right; learning to live with the past and nit letting it define the present and future, but still having those things as a memory of what I was like. I think I can forgive myself without forgetting those mistakes.
I'm not sure - I'm not in good shape today, hormonal and miserable. Days like today are the days I would have chosen to hide in a bottle but I'm not. I'm riding it out.
DAY 35.....still here 💓
I'm not sure - I'm not in good shape today, hormonal and miserable. Days like today are the days I would have chosen to hide in a bottle but I'm not. I'm riding it out.
DAY 35.....still here 💓
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Days when you feel hormonal and miserable.....ah yes, I know them well.
This is one of the times when I play the tape forward....
....we know that these days come and then they pass, and we feel ourselves again.
I remember a medical person telling me when I was 15 and suffering terribly, to get out in the fresh air and get some exercise....and I resisted for a long time. But it helps, I think. And then tomorrow is a brand new day.....BUT.....add alcohol into the mix and then you have compounded misery as well as shame and a hangover. Why would we want that?
❤️❤️
This is one of the times when I play the tape forward....
....we know that these days come and then they pass, and we feel ourselves again.
I remember a medical person telling me when I was 15 and suffering terribly, to get out in the fresh air and get some exercise....and I resisted for a long time. But it helps, I think. And then tomorrow is a brand new day.....BUT.....add alcohol into the mix and then you have compounded misery as well as shame and a hangover. Why would we want that?
❤️❤️
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It's knocked me on my bum this month Suze.
You are right about the exercising but it's often the last thing I feel like doing. I am going get up and walk for a bit tomorrow, before starting work again.
Most of the week was really great and I have to be grateful for that! Nothing lasts forever
Drinking would just involve setting myself up for a terrible week. Thank God I don't do that anymore xx
You are right about the exercising but it's often the last thing I feel like doing. I am going get up and walk for a bit tomorrow, before starting work again.
Most of the week was really great and I have to be grateful for that! Nothing lasts forever
Drinking would just involve setting myself up for a terrible week. Thank God I don't do that anymore xx
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