Awake61

Hi - feel like I have to vent a bit. I'll bet a few of you have woken up after years of alcoholism and realized your marriage was truly done. I haven't counted days, this time around in sobriety, but I'm over 3 months at least. Overall I feel so alive, urges come and go but I smack them down remembering my last pathetic drunk. Sadly, my husband simply can not wrap his head around me being an alcoholic. I should be able to have a bottle in the house and take a drink every so often. He suggests smoking reefer could be of help. Meanwhile he barely leaves the house, except to hang out with older men like himself, who drink, smoke and shoot the s--t, although he gave up drinking years ago. Now, I am not blaming him for my alcoholism. I own that. I just was too scared to leave and after a time it was easier to drink, pass out etc..
My therapist has agreed I need to leave, but I need more time sober to get my act together, which I will do. It's just so tough hearing him rant about politics, no such thing as addiction and the list goes on. Lately, I involve myself with some fiber art and VERY luckily have a part time job. Thank you for listening. I feel better now!

Dee74

I find very few non alcoholics can understand - but I've been lucky in that most people in my life supported me because they saw this way of life was demonstrably better for me.

I'm sorry you're not getting that from your husband.

I'm glad the vent helped anyway Awake. Congrats on your recovery

D

thomas11

I have heard that marriages sometimes end when the alcoholic becomes sober. Its a tough call, but you don't want to live the remainder of your life miserable.

D122y

My marriage got better after I quit, but it took work. My wife is into her own thing, she is the center of her own little universe.

She drinks about 6 times a year. Booze to her is like a taboo exciting thing. She respects it a bit, but I worry one day she is going to drink too much and try and drive or something. She doesn't listen to me on the subject at all.

If my wife smoked pot every day she would be considered addicted. Not functionally addicted....simply addicted.

Functional just means nothing has happened yet.

As an ex addicted, I know that drugs cause irreversible brain damage. Any reason to continue using drugs, including booze, is denial.

With what I went through and what I know I could not live my life with an active addict without a huge issue.

The problem is starting over would be hell on earth. Me and my wife have established a reasonable life and to walk away from this would just ruin me.

I am a business minded man and look at things analytically. Matters of the heart can get emotional, but if I decide to manage them it can be done.

Finding peace in the storm is step one. Maintaining the peace with an active addict is pretty much impossible. In order to continue living with an active I would look at life as a never ending roller coaster. Life will be anything can happen.

On the bright side, eventually the drugs slow the addict down. The brain fries. So eventually the addict will end up fairly immobile and easier to manage.

I've told this story a few times here and it seems a good time again. My grandmother, RIP, drank and smoked like a fish her whole life. When she reached about 80 or so, her brain totally fried. She forgot who we all were and she forgot she drank and smoked. She ended up getting really healthy and living another 10 years or so.

Thanks for the therapy.

Surrendered19

Hi Awake. There is a new normal out there and a life that you fill exclusively with people, places and things of your choosing. All day every day. It is a good way to live. Big changes like that are very scary and you are wise to proceed cautiously. If you make a big change make sure that you are humble, and that in your head you are committed to staying sober and not having that first day be some sort of celebratory-get-hammered day. Good luck and keep ranting. We want to hear that you are well while you are looking down new roads.

saoutchik

Good luck Awake, on the basis of your post I think you are making the right decision.