I'm losing it....follow up, what is "it".
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Hi Jeff,
I am glad your sobriety wasn’t a worry today. Our current situation is definitely challenging. I have had some days where I’ve been really down, but I try to remain focused on the good and what I have to be thankful for.
I feel more sad fir my kids, they are 12, 15, and 16 and I’ve seen them missing out on so many things they should be enjoying at this age. I see them working hard on their school work, and doing their best to continue their training for their sports. This week I watched both girls take AP tests online, and the pressure of submitting within the allotted 50 minutes. However, all three of them are working hard and trying to stay positive.
I have been working from home most days, sometimes I’m going into my office. I found out my position will be cut by ten days next year, I was disappointed, but it’s beyond my control, so I will continue to work hard and hope no further budget cuts impact me this year.
It sounds like you found a solution to wearing a mask, may be worth calling back to inquire if the position you were offered is still available.
I think the hardest thing is not knowing when this will end. For now I am following the wise advice of my 16 year old and focusing on controlling the controllables.
I am glad your sobriety wasn’t a worry today. Our current situation is definitely challenging. I have had some days where I’ve been really down, but I try to remain focused on the good and what I have to be thankful for.
I feel more sad fir my kids, they are 12, 15, and 16 and I’ve seen them missing out on so many things they should be enjoying at this age. I see them working hard on their school work, and doing their best to continue their training for their sports. This week I watched both girls take AP tests online, and the pressure of submitting within the allotted 50 minutes. However, all three of them are working hard and trying to stay positive.
I have been working from home most days, sometimes I’m going into my office. I found out my position will be cut by ten days next year, I was disappointed, but it’s beyond my control, so I will continue to work hard and hope no further budget cuts impact me this year.
It sounds like you found a solution to wearing a mask, may be worth calling back to inquire if the position you were offered is still available.
I think the hardest thing is not knowing when this will end. For now I am following the wise advice of my 16 year old and focusing on controlling the controllables.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by venuscat 
Not so much. But I am trying to be. 
s ❤️
s ❤️Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,474
I did get help love....as a matter of fact....lots.....I will never not reach out again when I am not OK....one of the best sober lessons I have learned.
Talking helps us to heal.
And sharing what is happening.
Even if it is still a little uncomfortable to do so.
Thank you. ❤️❤️
Talking helps us to heal.
And sharing what is happening.
Even if it is still a little uncomfortable to do so.
Thank you.
❤️❤️
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by thomas11
...we are losing a identity, our self worth, our dignity, our pride, the list goes on. We are losing it all.
I've had several days (last Thursday night through Monday morning has been the most difficult) when I've questioned everything, when I felt permanently stuck in a very bad place. Very little around me or in my life felt real. I was in a post-apocalyptic dystopia, like in a movie, that was very real for me. I considered suicide from a philosophical perspective without devising a plan. I've been through this before.
I don't believe that things will get better before they get worse. That doesn't mean that I intend to stop dead in my tracks. It doesn't mean I won't do all I can to help myself and other people get through this. And it doesn't mean I'm prepared to abandon my self-identity. It would be very difficult to know or to recall who we are if self-identity were so transient. You too are struggling.
I've been grieving the loss of many things I know about and others that I cannot know. Many of us are making adjustments on the fly. It's never easy, but adaptation to major changes is the preferred delivery system for survival. I'm fortunate enough that I can still choose how it is that I respond to all of this, although not all at once and not all the time. There's no user manual for this.
There will be mistakes for all of us along the way. Struggling through a nightmare does not automatically strip anyone of their self-worth or integrity as a human being. People who value such personal attributes don't give them up so easily.
I'd worry more if you were not to feel crazy or that you were "losing it" from time to time than otherwise.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
I'm not as confident about this as you seem to be. Or maybe you're talking about your personal experience?
I've had several days (last Thursday night through Monday morning has been the most difficult) when I've questioned everything, when I felt permanently stuck in a very bad place. Very little around me or in my life felt real. I was in a post-apocalyptic dystopia, like in a movie, that was very real for me. I considered suicide from a philosophical perspective without devising a plan. I've been through this before.
I don't believe that things will get better before they get worse. That doesn't mean that I intend to stop dead in my tracks. It doesn't mean I won't do all I can to help myself and other people get through this. And it doesn't mean I'm prepared to abandon my self-identity. It would be very difficult to know or to recall who we are if self-identity were so transient. You too are struggling.
I've been grieving the loss of many things I know about and others that I cannot know. Many of us are making adjustments on the fly. It's never easy, but adaptation to major changes is the preferred delivery system for survival. I'm fortunate enough that I can still choose how it is that I respond to all of this, although not all at once and not all the time. There's no user manual for this.
There will be mistakes for all of us along the way. Struggling through a nightmare does not automatically strip anyone of their self-worth or integrity as a human being. People who value such personal attributes don't give them up so easily.
I'd worry more if you were not to feel crazy or that you were "losing it" from time to time than otherwise.
I've had several days (last Thursday night through Monday morning has been the most difficult) when I've questioned everything, when I felt permanently stuck in a very bad place. Very little around me or in my life felt real. I was in a post-apocalyptic dystopia, like in a movie, that was very real for me. I considered suicide from a philosophical perspective without devising a plan. I've been through this before.
I don't believe that things will get better before they get worse. That doesn't mean that I intend to stop dead in my tracks. It doesn't mean I won't do all I can to help myself and other people get through this. And it doesn't mean I'm prepared to abandon my self-identity. It would be very difficult to know or to recall who we are if self-identity were so transient. You too are struggling.
I've been grieving the loss of many things I know about and others that I cannot know. Many of us are making adjustments on the fly. It's never easy, but adaptation to major changes is the preferred delivery system for survival. I'm fortunate enough that I can still choose how it is that I respond to all of this, although not all at once and not all the time. There's no user manual for this.
There will be mistakes for all of us along the way. Struggling through a nightmare does not automatically strip anyone of their self-worth or integrity as a human being. People who value such personal attributes don't give them up so easily.
I'd worry more if you were not to feel crazy or that you were "losing it" from time to time than otherwise.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
So how about the online fitness work you considered before? Certainly would not need a mask for that. It would not resolve the issue of spending too much time in, but could still be something new, different connection with people, and maybe some income as well.
I think the "new normal" idea just suggests that there is enough plasticity and adaptability in human nature to develop new ways of living, to adjust to different, even adverse conditions. It does not imply that everything will be all rainbows and unicorns. Such adjustment takes a while though and I agree with EndGame that some aspects of it get worse (at least feel worse) before the real adjustment occurs and it feels more natural/effortless. This situation definitely tries our adaptability in ways we never experienced before in our lifetime and, inevitably, some will do better than others in it. One thing that does help IMO, no matter who you are and what your specific challenges are, is to consciously lower the resistance to change. Any of us who has ever achieved some lasting sobriety (even if not permanently) is quite experienced in letting that resistance fall away and taking in the uncertainty and change that does not feel good in the beginning. I genuinely feel that the "new normal" related to the pandemic is at least a bit similar to experiencing early sobriety and gradually growing into a new way of being. Except that the pandemic is most likely temporary and we can realistically have the hope that it will end and things will get back to the "old normal", or close to it. But perhaps by the time that happens, many of us will adapt to the new situation so much that we will not want to give up some new skills and ways of living and will prefer to find a "middle ground" between the old and new states? Like every constructive change, it takes patience though, which is not typically the greatest strength of people prone to addictions.
Now to add something more practical, one thing I am trying to do right now on a daily basis, more than ever before, is figuring out what new healthy activities and habits can enhance my mental wellbeing and productivity. For example, I have this nearly daily pattern that I wake up feeling very good and inspired, looking forward to engaging in the activities I planned for the day, but it tends to decline as the day goes on... especially if I procrastinate and not do what I know should be done and distract myself. I am naturally a morning person and had this pattern on/off in my whole life, but this situation has definitely brought it out more. So I am trying to find ways to restructure my days, for example when should I eat, do chores and go for walks to have the most stable level of energy and motivation? When is it good for me to look at the news, to interact with people, and do various self-care things? The way I "measure" the effects is pretty simple: observe my mood, motivation and productivity as maximizing these is basically my goal. It really works but often takes a great deal of forcing and going against natural current. Again, not dissimilar to early recovery from an addiction - they all involve making more aware decisions and finding new habits that work better, including thoughts patterns and how far I allow myself to go down the rabbit hole of an emotional reaction or even just philosophical musing.
I think the "new normal" idea just suggests that there is enough plasticity and adaptability in human nature to develop new ways of living, to adjust to different, even adverse conditions. It does not imply that everything will be all rainbows and unicorns. Such adjustment takes a while though and I agree with EndGame that some aspects of it get worse (at least feel worse) before the real adjustment occurs and it feels more natural/effortless. This situation definitely tries our adaptability in ways we never experienced before in our lifetime and, inevitably, some will do better than others in it. One thing that does help IMO, no matter who you are and what your specific challenges are, is to consciously lower the resistance to change. Any of us who has ever achieved some lasting sobriety (even if not permanently) is quite experienced in letting that resistance fall away and taking in the uncertainty and change that does not feel good in the beginning. I genuinely feel that the "new normal" related to the pandemic is at least a bit similar to experiencing early sobriety and gradually growing into a new way of being. Except that the pandemic is most likely temporary and we can realistically have the hope that it will end and things will get back to the "old normal", or close to it. But perhaps by the time that happens, many of us will adapt to the new situation so much that we will not want to give up some new skills and ways of living and will prefer to find a "middle ground" between the old and new states? Like every constructive change, it takes patience though, which is not typically the greatest strength of people prone to addictions.
Now to add something more practical, one thing I am trying to do right now on a daily basis, more than ever before, is figuring out what new healthy activities and habits can enhance my mental wellbeing and productivity. For example, I have this nearly daily pattern that I wake up feeling very good and inspired, looking forward to engaging in the activities I planned for the day, but it tends to decline as the day goes on... especially if I procrastinate and not do what I know should be done and distract myself. I am naturally a morning person and had this pattern on/off in my whole life, but this situation has definitely brought it out more. So I am trying to find ways to restructure my days, for example when should I eat, do chores and go for walks to have the most stable level of energy and motivation? When is it good for me to look at the news, to interact with people, and do various self-care things? The way I "measure" the effects is pretty simple: observe my mood, motivation and productivity as maximizing these is basically my goal. It really works but often takes a great deal of forcing and going against natural current. Again, not dissimilar to early recovery from an addiction - they all involve making more aware decisions and finding new habits that work better, including thoughts patterns and how far I allow myself to go down the rabbit hole of an emotional reaction or even just philosophical musing.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by venuscat
EndGame love ~ have you talked to anyone? I am worried about you.
I hear you.....from a philosophical perspective......but still..... s ❤️
I hear you.....from a philosophical perspective......but still.....
s ❤️I very much appreciate your concern. There are people in my life who have helped me and who continue to help me through difficult times. I don't know how people get through life without that kind of help.
Of course it's important to talk about it. A lot of people place undue pressure on themselves when considering this problem. When such thoughts emerge during an ongoing crisis, they can overwhelm any of us.
I thought more than once about including the part you've referenced in my post. I thought that it might encourage people to talk about it (not necessarily here). I don't believe that it's possible to go through what we're going through without the experience of grief, no matter how much we may try to escape it or cover it up; a dangerous strategy for avoiding unwanted feelings or an unacceptable reality.
I framed my experience as having been from a philosophical perspective because I was detached from it, from possible harm, for example. Very different than some frightening experiences I endured when I was a younger man.
I'm concerned about triggering anyone who might read this, so I won't go into any further detail except to say that I've been affected by suicide in my life, more than once. I don't even know how to explain what happens to those left behind, what people go through, after the event.
The big lie is that we don't have any other choice, a lie which some of us have used to defend our drinking or other self-destructive behaviors. A lie that will never become truth. Ever.
There are always other choices.
Thanks again.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Quarantine Fatigue
There are a range of articles that address the problem of "quarantine fatigue."
Many of the articles overlap. I picked this one more or less randomly.
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/a...ntine-fatigue/
Many of the articles overlap. I picked this one more or less randomly.
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/a...ntine-fatigue/
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Hi Jeff. I hope you're doing okay. Any chance you can come to the 24 hours AA meeting?
http://www.247aaonline.com
http://www.247aaonline.com
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 534
I agree with turning off the TV, Facebook etc. The arguments on Facebook are enough to push anybody over the edge! Luckily, I love to read and am almost done with my 44th book. Praying for inner peace for all the SR people.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,474
44 books Zevin!!!! Go you, that is awesome.
No FB here. I am on it and use Messenger but I will not read anything.
I accidentally saw some of one of my sister's stuff last week and I was so upset.
Not really important why....I just kind of wish FB didn't exist.
No FB here. I am on it and use Messenger but I will not read anything.
I accidentally saw some of one of my sister's stuff last week and I was so upset.
Not really important why....I just kind of wish FB didn't exist.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 534
I agree about Facebook, Venus. It’s become a place to argue, rant or rave. Or all 3, at the same time!
Not sure reading SO MUCH is a good thing, at least for me. It’s always been an escape for me, which can turn into isolating behavior. But, I’m throwing a lot of books about recovery into the mix, so that’s good right?
I hope everyone is doing better.
Not sure reading SO MUCH is a good thing, at least for me. It’s always been an escape for me, which can turn into isolating behavior. But, I’m throwing a lot of books about recovery into the mix, so that’s good right?
I hope everyone is doing better.
VinBx
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: New York
Posts: 190
Hey Jeff,
Hope your feeling OK. Good for you to come out and vent your feelings. Be strong, your not alone in this. Were all in the same boat here and we will get though it. Be strong and if you need to vent keep going. Were here. And were listening.
Hope your feeling OK. Good for you to come out and vent your feelings. Be strong, your not alone in this. Were all in the same boat here and we will get though it. Be strong and if you need to vent keep going. Were here. And were listening.
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