It feels good...
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Hey, Orchid. It is wonderful to wake clear-headed and sober and to notice the improvements happen, those little everyday miracles that we take for granted. Wishing you lots more of those good feelings.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 286
Its surprising how fast my mentality can change. I am just overwhelmed by this sense of doom or maybe it's anxiety. These thoughts going through my head the logically I know are not true but the feeling is still there. My relationship has not been good for a long time and 2 days ago a simple exchange triggered me. I drank and then yelled. It is very uncharacteristic of me I'm usually the one screamed at but this time I just let it out. My voice has been horse since then but it's coming back. I said alot that needed to be said I know this, thing is I can really remember most of it or what happened Immediately after because I was so drunk😔. I did drink once more the day after before I met with my girls for a hike and they could tell I was buzzed. And last night again because I had already 'broken fast'.
i imagine this weight of anxiety was cause by all of that together with all the things! Just all of it .
And small but did not help(sold a stock at $34 for profit and now its at $83)🤦♀️
I am trying again. My goal today though small, I'm meeting the girls for a walk and I will go there sober and not drink after we walk. I will fall asleep sober tonight.
i imagine this weight of anxiety was cause by all of that together with all the things! Just all of it .
And small but did not help(sold a stock at $34 for profit and now its at $83)🤦♀️
I am trying again. My goal today though small, I'm meeting the girls for a walk and I will go there sober and not drink after we walk. I will fall asleep sober tonight.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,097
Oh Orchid.
I feel for you. You were doing so well. Really great that you are starting again. Courageous!
I hope you can devise a plan on how to deal with the many little stresses that add up this time. My wagon tipped for similar reasons last time, but I too am getting back on track with a new plan on what to do if I even think of having a drink.
Thoughts are with you - reach out whenever you need support.
I feel for you. You were doing so well. Really great that you are starting again. Courageous!
I hope you can devise a plan on how to deal with the many little stresses that add up this time. My wagon tipped for similar reasons last time, but I too am getting back on track with a new plan on what to do if I even think of having a drink.
Thoughts are with you - reach out whenever you need support.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,657
Orchid- life throws difficult situations at us all the time. You are honest and are moving forward. Personally- there's no situation which booze makes better. Keep posting- especially when those difficult times show up. Support to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 286
Yes it is my day 1 again, I'm not sure at this moment I feel ashamed I 'lost' my days, more like I wish I didnt so willingly poison myself and how much damage have I done to my thinking brain to make me think it is a viable option. I'm young and I know I will make many more stupid decisions in life, but I really dont want them to be this kind. Today I re read the chemical pathway of ethanol once it gets into your body and why it's so bad and yet here I am as I write this thinking about going to the store and buying a bottle. I dont even think I want to be drank or maybe I do. I did two of the three things I said I would do today and all i have to do now it sleep sober yet my craving is so real. This just insane!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,097
Hi Orchid
My advice:
You can do this!
My advice:
- read your OP
- ask yourself why you want a drink? Is it really going to help?
- take a half hour break and read, watch a movie, go for a walk, make a cuppa and sit outside and look around
- come back an post here.
You can do this!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 286
Thank you Coz, I did step away and it centered me. I will go to sleep now before the AV comes knocking again. This is partly why I've had so many false starts, I posted after I drank not before. Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Keep trying. I'm on day 2 and we can support each other. Cravings are a nightmare but the won't kill you.....drinking might though. I am planning on being here A LOT. Reach out when you are struggling and I will do the same 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Posts: 1,179
Originally Posted by Orchid1 
It feels good to not wake up and look if the white of my eye is yellow and have small panic attacks when the lighting makes them not look white.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 286
Originally Posted by Gabe1980
Keep trying. I'm on day 2 and we can support each other. Cravings are a nightmare but the won't kill you.....drinking might though. I am planning on being here A LOT. Reach out when you are struggling and I will do the same
United we stand!😊
I know that phrase was used in a different context but in someways I think it applies.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 286
Originally Posted by Noam19
Been there! Same goes for questioning every little thing with your body that doesn't feel quite right "what is that? is it finally catching up with me?"
jeez, writing it all out like that really gives perspective as to why I am was so anxious and depressed, knowing I was killing myself and knowing with excruciating detail a multitude of ways it could happen, sounds like I was torturing myself.
Do I really hate myself that much that I would torture myself in such a way. Goodness.
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