Orchid1

Doing better than the last few days that's for sure! Just a lot of introspection and honesty. I stared drinking when I was around 14/15 and I've been all sorts of 'bad words', at the core I believe every person has the same capacity for good and evil, people just feed either one and for 14 years I have heavily fed the wrong one. I drank to mask the reality of the path on different occasions I had chosen.

I am coming around to realize that is the past and it's gone. What I have to feed now is the good so I dont hate myself enough to in some twisted way torture myself to death.

how are you doing Surrendered?

Surrendered19

All is well, thanks. Hunkered down like bears in a cave is getting old, but the greater good demands it of us right now I guess. I am coming up on 6 months this week. Like you, I had to let go of all sorts of awful **** from my past and just let it go. Resentment and anger were two of my main reasons to drink. You are right. The past is the past. It is set in stone and you cannot change it. But you can live a wonderful, calm, healthy sober life that you will treasure. I'm glad you are posting.

Orchid1

Congratulations on 6 months!! That is such an achievement, I literally cannot understand it (yet) . Wonderful!

Orchid1

I forgot how good it feels to workout, work and study with a body that slept free of alcohol. I'm grateful I've had the chance to experience this again and I look forward to much more! Though now more and more I realize how many people around me are dependent on something and how much some drink. It does make it very tempting to drink but I am committed. I will sleep sober today.

Surrendered19

Good for you Orchid!!! That calm feeling is so priceless. The ability to think and reason. Study, work and work out. Things I didn't really do well at all for 30 years and now those are my every day. I will never give those things up. They are our currency Orchid.

brighterday1234

Being sober is truly wonderful.

Orchid1

Yes it is, the toll booze took on my body, hair, teeth, nails uh! It's going to take a while to get thing tip top. Thinking of doing a 5 to 14 day water fast to just reset my body. I can only do that because I am not drinking!

PhoenixJ

How are you, Orchid?

Orchid1

Thanks for asking Phoenix, well I slipped and started again 7 days ago, made it to day 5 the fell back to my old coping mechanisms😔. But I back to day 1 again. I will keep trying till I get it adding and change tactics through it all.

Gabe1980

Hey Orchid. Keep trying and learning. You are so right, its adding and adapting things as you go....

Maybe leave the fasting though until you are a bit further on. I also find that getting really hungry or depriving myself in any way really, leads to drinking. I went vegan for a while but really struggled with that and I think it was part of me falling back again. Don't get me wrong, I think veganism is great but it's a process and it was too much change to soon. Sending love to you

Orchid1

Thank you Gabe, I didn't actually start the fasting yet, My plan was to finish the first 7 days then fast, I have done a 2 day one before which was the only time I remember not craving alcohol after a couple hours without. The benefits that come from a fast is what I'm after it focuses the mind among other things and I've been living the past 14 years fairly unfocused, the discipline it brings plus clearing out my damaged dna from all the free radicals alcohol turns to in the body and my gut is just wrecked so some new stem cells there is much needed🙃. I will however just do it for a week this time, an maybe when I'm further along I can do the 2 week. Still have to get to day 7 though!

Gabe I read your journal very often, thank you so much for your posts, you have no idea home much it is welcomed!

Gabe1980

Wow, fasting for 7 days? I am not sure I could last 7 hours I don't have the discipline but I love the idea of the mental clarity. I get what you mean too; after a relapse I always feel so full of toxins and bloated. My stomach is always wrecked too and it take me ages to feel like I have some resilience back.

Awesome job on day 7....well done, we are all rooting for you.

I am so glad that you find reading my thread helpful. I am finding so good to just get out whatever is rattling around in my head. I think it stops negative thinking or addiction based ideas taking hold. Thank you for reading! xxx

anxiousrock

OMG yes....i did this every time I drank. I still look at it and say well it looks yellow so I probably have lasting damage.

Coz

Hi Orchid

Can I ask why you decided to have a drink? I am really pleased that you are jumping on the sober bus again after a bit of a slip up - that is really great. Have you got some thoughts on how to enhance your tool box and tactics?

You seem to really want to achieve sobriety and recovery with plans on getting your body healthy - hope you can come up with an improved plan this time around. Good on you for not giving up on this.

Abraham

ahhhh yes. The lack of anxiety is a beautiful thing. I'm happy for you.

PhoenixJ

Keep the posts coming Orchid. The best time to post- is when you do not want to. This, I know. Not much else, mind.