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For Newbies - Empower Yourself

Old 05-09-2020, 09:00 AM
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For Newbies - Empower Yourself

I'm just past 26 months. I'd be kidding myself if I tried to claim I have things figured out, but I was thinking this morning while soaking in the sun how remarkable it is that I find myself where I am these days.
Some things you can look forward to if you just take command of yourself day by day and don't drink.
-I save money. And I buy things that last. And I take care of them. No more dishes piled up, no more trashy car, nice clean place and the serenity that comes with it.
I've lost 50 pounds.... and hardly had to work at it. Just eat well, don't consume a crapload of sugar. Don't drink. That's pretty much it. O, and don't rush it. Consistency is the key.
-I've managed to get debt free - $200,000+ in about 2 years. A little at a time. Of course, I made sacrifices - sold my home, downsized, etc.. I've learned that if you are willing to let go and be content with significantly less on the big things you don't have to scrape and claw and pinch on the little things.
-I continue to learn who I am and what I value. And I continue to discover things about how I'd constructed my life over 46 years that don't align at all with who I am and what I value. So I make changes. A little decision here, a big one now and then. The discord and anxiety that used to rule my life are largely now serenity, confidence, and a healthy dose of "I don't give a ****" about anyone else's opinion of what I should be doing and how.
A few things I've learned that, while you focus on staying sober each day, you can muse on in the back of your head. If you let yourself deal with them, let yourself be at peace, let yourself live the way your inner voice is trying to tell you you'll be amazed at what you can do. I promise.
-Sometimes - hell, a lot of times - we let the ones closest to us inhibit our ability to hear our own souls. We assume there are expectations of us. Images we need to live up to. Other versions of ourselves we think others expect us to be. Quit it. Stop being anything other than who you are and stop apologizing for it. Especially to yourself.
-What we say we value is mostly bull****. What we value is in our actions. Seems so simple then right? But the layers of **** we are able to pile in front of our eyes makes seeing the obvious impossible. Let go. Look around. And quit with the denial and rationalization. Everything you value is right there in your actions... in how you've constructed your life. And you can change it if you want - all of it - but you have to want to and you have to quit bullsh****** yourself.
-Once you taste letting go - of toxicity, of material things, of relationships, of your own mythological expectations - once you taste the freedom of will and the practical freedom of living it provides you'll want it more and more.
Hang in there newbs. Don't take things so seriously. Just don't drink. Let the world do it's own spinning for awhile. Let days that suck suck. Let go.
Best to all-
-B
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Old 05-09-2020, 09:04 AM
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Thanks for that! Very inspiring!
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Old 05-09-2020, 09:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Buckley3 View Post
The discord and anxiety that used to rule my life are largely now serenity, confidence, and a healthy dose of "I don't give a f***" about anyone else's opinion of what I should be doing and how.
This is what I want / look forward to the most.
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Old 05-09-2020, 10:11 AM
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Thanks for the great post, Buckley. It sounds like you're doing really well.
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Old 05-09-2020, 10:26 AM
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I really like this. I plan to come back and read it again.
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Old 05-09-2020, 04:55 PM
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Great post! Congratulations on your sober time and recovery.
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Old 05-09-2020, 09:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Buckley3 View Post
I'm just past 26 months. I'd be kidding myself if I tried to claim I have things figured out, but I was thinking this morning while soaking in the sun how remarkable it is that I find myself where I am these days.
Some things you can look forward to if you just take command of yourself day by day and don't drink.
-I save money. And I buy things that last. And I take care of them. No more dishes piled up, no more trashy car, nice clean place and the serenity that comes with it.
I've lost 50 pounds.... and hardly had to work at it. Just eat well, don't consume a crapload of sugar. Don't drink. That's pretty much it. O, and don't rush it. Consistency is the key.
-I've managed to get debt free - $200,000+ in about 2 years. A little at a time. Of course, I made sacrifices - sold my home, downsized, etc.. I've learned that if you are willing to let go and be content with significantly less on the big things you don't have to scrape and claw and pinch on the little things.
-I continue to learn who I am and what I value. And I continue to discover things about how I'd constructed my life over 46 years that don't align at all with who I am and what I value. So I make changes. A little decision here, a big one now and then. The discord and anxiety that used to rule my life are largely now serenity, confidence, and a healthy dose of "I don't give a f***" about anyone else's opinion of what I should be doing and how.
A few things I've learned that, while you focus on staying sober each day, you can muse on in the back of your head. If you let yourself deal with them, let yourself be at peace, let yourself live the way your inner voice is trying to tell you you'll be amazed at what you can do. I promise.
-Sometimes - hell, a lot of times - we let the ones closest to us inhibit our ability to hear our own souls. We assume there are expectations of us. Images we need to live up to. Other versions of ourselves we think others expect us to be. Quit it. Stop being anything other than who you are and stop apologizing for it. Especially to yourself.
-What we say we value is mostly bull****. What we value is in our actions. Seems so simple then right? But the layers of sh** we are able to pile in front of our eyes makes seeing the obvious impossible. Let go. Look around. And quit with the denial and rationalization. Everything you value is right there in your actions... in how you've constructed your life. And you can change it if you want - all of it - but you have to want to and you have to quit bullsh****** yourself.
-Once you taste letting go - of toxicity, of material things, of relationships, of your own mythological expectations - once you taste the freedom of will and the practical freedom of living it provides you'll want it more and more.
Hang in there newbs. Don't take things so seriously. Just don't drink. Let the world do it's own spinning for awhile. Let days that suck suck. Let go.
Best to all-
-B

Such an inspiring post Buckley! It is great to see you checking in, and Iím so glad you are doing so well!!¬
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Old 05-10-2020, 02:52 AM
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You spoke straight to my soul. I, too, will save this to read again and again, lest I forget.
Thank you.
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Old 05-10-2020, 03:34 AM
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Great post, thanks for sharing your story so far.
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Old 05-10-2020, 09:11 AM
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Brilliant post, Buckley. Well done!
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Old 05-10-2020, 02:24 PM
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Thank you for an inspiring post, Buckley. Your advice is absolutely spot on, and I hope everyone takes your message to heart. Sobriety brings so many wonderful things that I never thought could be possible. I went back to school to get my degree after many years, and now have only one class until my dream is a reality. There is no way I could've done it if I were drinking--no way at all. I have 4 years, 4 months of sobriety, and I will never drink again--too many good things in my life to ruin it now. Prayers up for all those still suffering.
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Old 05-11-2020, 05:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Verdantia View Post
Thank you for an inspiring post, Buckley. Your advice is absolutely spot on, and I hope everyone takes your message to heart. Sobriety brings so many wonderful things that I never thought could be possible. I went back to school to get my degree after many years, and now have only one class until my dream is a reality. There is no way I could've done it if I were drinking--no way at all. I have 4 years, 4 months of sobriety, and I will never drink again--too many good things in my life to ruin it now. Prayers up for all those still suffering.

This is EXACTLY what I'm talking about. Little by little - chopping wood, carrying water - and then all the sudden you look around and what you once dreamed about is now real.
Love it.
-B
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Old 05-11-2020, 06:34 AM
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Awesome post Buckley. Thanks so much. That one is going into The File to be read again and again.

One of the most painful parts of the last 6 months has been the realization that I just didn't have any core values, never examined the best ways to live life and just bumped my way to 54 years drinking, lying and spreading chaos and misery. It has been a painful realization but nevertheless, I have more peace now than I have had in my entire life. I try every day now to do something, take some action, that I can be proud of.

The reality is that I simply couldn't think the last 3 decades because I was always drunk, confused, hung over and dying.

Life is so good now. Not perfect by any stretch, but now I can see things coming my way and deal with them calmly and in an adult-like fashion. New things for me.

Many thanks to you all with long term sobriety who give your time and energy to newbies like me. You have no idea how much it helps.
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Old 05-12-2020, 12:08 PM
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Chop wood, carry water. The sheer amount of peace, nobility and beauty in doing the work continues to astound me.
Thanks for the post Buck. Great to see you here.
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Old 05-13-2020, 01:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Surrendered19 View Post
Awesome post Buckley. Thanks so much. That one is going into The File to be read again and again.

One of the most painful parts of the last 6 months has been the realization that I just didn't have any core values, never examined the best ways to live life and just bumped my way to 54 years drinking, lying and spreading chaos and misery. It has been a painful realization but nevertheless, I have more peace now than I have had in my entire life. I try every day now to do something, take some action, that I can be proud of.

The reality is that I simply couldn't think the last 3 decades because I was always drunk, confused, hung over and dying.

Life is so good now. Not perfect by any stretch, but now I can see things coming my way and deal with them calmly and in an adult-like fashion. New things for me.

Many thanks to you all with long term sobriety who give your time and energy to newbies like me. You have no idea how much it helps.
<div><br></div><div>Fantastic stuff.&nbsp; Very real.&nbsp;&nbsp;<img src="https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/smilies/c011.gif" border="0" class="inlineimg" alt="0" smilieid="845">I'm often astounded when I look back how much alcohol dominated even my sober moments.&nbsp; I mean, sure, the drunk thing and the hang overs and all the direct issues were terrible, but it was the indirect stuff - the wasted energy presenting myself to others, the rationalizing to myself, carrying the baggage of the downstream financial and health effects.&nbsp; I spent every bit of my waking energy - drunk or not - managing alcohol.&nbsp; And for 30 years I just thought it was the immediate stuff....</div><div><br></div><div>-B</div>
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